Intimacy: Today, my girlfriend hid my car keys and decided that she wouldn't...

By failure - 08/04/2011 05:24

Today, my girlfriend hid my car keys and decided that she wouldn't give them back until I succeeded in giving her an orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 738

You deserved it 80 971

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Same thing different taste

By Joey - 04/06/2016 18:52 - United States - Apo

Today, I took my girlfriend to her ex-boyfriend's apartment for her to exchange his spare car keys for some of her grandmother's items. I waited outside in the parking lot for an hour, with no idea which door was his. She came out no longer a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 179

You deserved it 2 644

Why would you stick that there?

By Co-B - 03/09/2009 20:59 - United States

Today, my girlfriend reached into my pocket to get my keys so she could get something out of my car. When she yanked them out, the condom that we'd just used flew up into the air and landed on the floor in front of her entire family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 885

You deserved it 61 102

Stuck

By Forgetfull - 02/02/2010 17:07 - United States

Today, I thought it would be romantic to take my girlfriend to the beach. It was raining so we left our shoes and phones in the car so we wouldn't be bothered. Apparently, I left my keys in the car too. The car was locked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 748

You deserved it 26 626

By Anonymous - 14/03/2013 16:59 - Germany - Dortmund

Today, my girlfriend and I were going to get intimate, so I masturbated before leaving my place, hoping it would help me last longer than usual. 10 minutes in, she shoved me off and started screaming at me, convinced that I've been cheating on her and practising with someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 732

You deserved it 10 557

By GrandTheftArson - 09/03/2016 03:51 - Canada - Waterloo

Today, my ex stole my car keys. Good news is she can't drive stick. Bad news is she set my car on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 187

You deserved it 1 585

By cockalicious - 01/03/2011 05:29

Today, my boyfriend let me know he wanted me to leave by repeatedly jabbing me with my car keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 713

You deserved it 5 022

By Anonymous - 01/11/2012 17:09 - Philippines - Makati

Today, after a week of looking for my car keys and being forced to drag my family around on public transportation, my wife found the keys in our car's ignition. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 090

You deserved it 32 270

Great night out

By Boyufd - 02/05/2022 04:00

Today, I had an amazing date with my girlfriend. Everything was going great, until I locked my keys in the car. It then started raining. FML

I agree, your life sucks 802

You deserved it 195

By seththing - 22/05/2016 03:49

Today, I locked my keys in my car. I had a spare key in my wallet, that I also left in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 111

You deserved it 3 178

By Anonymous - 15/11/2010 09:11 - United States

Today, I couldn't get to work because I couldn't find my car keys. It turns out, my mother took them and put them "somewhere safe." She can't remember where they are. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 125

You deserved it 2 545

Cinn_fml 22

Friday 8 April 2011 12:15

That's one way of doing it. But there is probably a better way of telling you what you need to give her.

Give_Linux_A_Go 28

Friday 8 April 2011 12:14

Just do oral I guess? Or, like the guys above me are saying, take something of hers!

Comments

cyanidesandwich 21

Friday 8 April 2011 22:42

thats a good thing. non stop sex!

dabbers23 0

Friday 8 April 2011 22:49

well, atleast you can have a ton of sex for now on.

Erindub 0

Friday 8 April 2011 22:56

I like your girlfriends style!

only1onyx 0

Friday 8 April 2011 23:06

who said anything about multiples? she just wants one from the sound of it. take some friggin lessons or something op.

JDHansard 0

Friday 8 April 2011 23:11

and your complaining about sex. I wish I had ur girls sex drive in mine.

marissabunge23 0

Friday 8 April 2011 23:13

that's not a "FML"

ThogTheCaveman 7

Friday 8 April 2011 23:25

You are all idiots. If he could make her ******, he wouldn't be having this problem. Without being able to, this should just be embarrassing for him.

dante0220 0

Friday 8 April 2011 23:47

lol what kinda man are you?! xD

aaaaaaaawcrapFML 0

Friday 8 April 2011 23:54

dude, how is that bad?

gman94 0

Saturday 9 April 2011 0:11

just do it what's wrong with ******* til she freaks??

Keywords

Awkward Love Friends Miscellaneous Cute Haircut Relatable Cars You're fired Work Kids Parenting Family DIY Cats Am I overreacting? Intimacy Sex Management Poopoo peepee Capitalism Coworkers Frustration Animals ADHD Dogs Transportation Dating Health Anxiety

The Top

Today, my roommate wanted me to try out a new bus route home, I knew it might take longer but she really wanted me to try, so I went with her. After waiting for ages at The Exchange bus stop for the last bus home, we missed it, and had to take an Uber. FML

I agree, your life sucks 563

You deserved it 174

Today, my boyfriend of a year told me he is at the point in his life where he is ready to start a family, get married and have a baby. He also casually stated that he wished he could meet someone he could see himself settling down with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 332

You deserved it 4 254

The Top

Today, I was feeling frisky and my boyfriend was playing a video game in the living room. I started dancing in front of the T.V. with only my panties on, to which he responded, "You're every gamer's nightmare." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 646

You deserved it 1 566

Today, I was late for work so I ran to catch the bus. I made it. Unfortunately, the bus was actually out of service, and I just sprinted to a parked vehicle for no reason. FML

I agree, your life sucks 340

You deserved it 120

Today, my mother told me I should volunteer in Africa, because I might "get lucky, catch malaria and come back skinny". FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 625

You deserved it 2 348

Today, my daughter learned a new song. This would be great, except for the lisp her teacher has. I now have a child screaming about the "itchy bitchy spider" at the top of her lungs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 774

You deserved it 3 228

Today, I was mugged. I saw a cop car in the aftermath and flagged it down. Unfortunately, when the cops stopped the mugger, he said he'd been running away because I tried to mug him. Apparently the fact that he was "well-dressed" and I wasn't means he was telling the truth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 073

You deserved it 3 223

Today, I took away my 8-year-old daughter's toy for throwing it too many times. She then said, "I need a beer." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 837

You deserved it 5 818

Same thing different taste

Why would you stick that there?

Stuck

Great night out

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