Intimacy: Today, my girlfriend's parents were out of town, so I stayed...

By InDisbelief - 12/04/2013 20:17 - United States - Racine

Today, my girlfriend's parents were out of town, so I stayed the night, hoping for some fun. Somehow, we started talking about conspiracy theories, and she spent the next half hour ranting at me about how Osama bin Laden is really still alive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 405

You deserved it 15 506

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Same thing different taste

Back to reality

By Anonymous - 24/12/2012 18:02 - United Kingdom - Saint Neots

Today, as her parents were supposed to be out of town, I stayed over with my girlfriend, and we ended up in bed together. Later on, while poking through the fridge, I heard footsteps, so I said, "Didn't think you'd be walking after that." I closed the fridge and saw her dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 983

You deserved it 28 301

Spiritual leader

By Anonymous - 13/03/2022 04:00

Today, my girlfriend was excited because her uncle was coming for a visit. She started telling me stories about him, and the more she talked, the worse it got. I’m fairly certain uncle is a cult leader, and that my girlfriend was born into and brainwashed by a cult that got shut down by the police. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 332

You deserved it 107

By Trey - 19/11/2011 01:58 - United States

Today, I brought my girlfriend over to her first dinner with my family. My gramps spent the entire dinner telling my girlfriend how the Illuminati are plotting to take over the world and use microchips to control everyone. So much for being taken seriously now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 524

You deserved it 3 324

By Anonymous - 05/03/2016 06:58 - Israel - Tel Aviv

Today, I introduced my kind and amazing Iranian boyfriend to my mother. When he went to use the rest room, she warned me to "knock it off with this Bin Laden fetish" or she'll have me put on psychiatric hold. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 908

You deserved it 3 144

Run for the hills!

By Anonymous - 30/03/2020 17:00

Today, my girlfriend asked me the details for al-Qaeda's plan during 9/11 for an essay. I had no idea and she said she just expected me to know, since I'm "one of those people." I'm Iranian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 177

You deserved it 255

Hicks

By >_< - 30/08/2013 22:56 - United States - Richmond

Today, I took my girlfriend home to meet my parents. They thought it'd be hilarious to put on ridiculous accents and act like country hicks, spewing obscenities and strongly hinting that we're into incest. She soon left in disgust. I haven't heard back from her since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 635

You deserved it 6 330

By whaleninjapoop - 06/12/2012 08:24 - United States - Raleigh

Today, I jokingly tried to convince my girlfriend that Wyoming was a government conspiracy and did not exist. She believed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 629

You deserved it 6 016

By NoToBombs - 07/11/2014 15:51 - United States - Santa Fe

Today, I got a new roommate. I thought he was pretty cool until he mentioned how everything around us was a conspiracy. Then he asked if I knew how to make a bomb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 362

You deserved it 2 753

Stop talking, stop talking now

By Anonymous - 14/06/2012 15:49 - United States

Today, I went out of town with my mother-in-law. I don't know what posessed her to start questioning me about her son's and my sex life. When I told her I wasn't talking about that, she began to dicuss her and my father-in-law's bedroom habits. The car ride was two hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 142

You deserved it 2 672

By Inez333 - 03/04/2019 02:00

Today, I finally got to see my favorite aunt after months of her living far away with her new boyfriend. She now believes the Earth is flat, gravity is fake, the government is run by reptiles, and that vaccines are the devil themselves. She won't stop trying to convince me of her conspiracies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 532

You deserved it 174

quincykid23 6

Saturday 13 April 2013 2:37

**** blocked by Osama? Never heard of that happening before...

Silly_Lilly6969 23

Saturday 13 April 2013 2:35

Sounds like y'all had lots and lots of fun...

Comments

CanOWhoopAss 1

Saturday 13 April 2013 13:58

u wanted some fun...

BubbaJ80 11

Saturday 13 April 2013 17:43

That sucks... But we as Americans do deserve to right to know if he is actually dead.

kkrazyangel 16

Saturday 13 April 2013 18:40

Should have just put on a movie. Movies always lead to sex!

Kk_Waylen24 21

Saturday 13 April 2013 20:18

Did you get laid after that? Haha

_Princess_Peach_ 9

Saturday 13 April 2013 20:54

Oh well, at least you have a go-to subject if awkward silences arise in the future! Just let her go on about it while you zone out

Saikon1357 25

Saturday 13 April 2013 22:56

Red flag. Time to go buddy.

Ray_of_midnight 22

Sunday 14 April 2013 1:27

Working at 7-11 with Elvis and Jim Morrison, no doubt.

Sloanne95 4

Sunday 14 April 2013 4:11

HE IS.

girlymae 12

Monday 15 April 2013 6:42

Well at least you got to know her before potentially creating offspring....

sukeforth 9

Monday 15 April 2013 8:54

Maybe she's right!

Keywords

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The Top

Today, things began to get hot and heavy between my boyfriend and me. Suddenly, in a deep, sexy voice, he whispered, "God help me for what I'm about to do." Thinking it was just an odd manner of dirty talk, I mumbled about liking it. He then farted very loudly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 103

You deserved it 1 168

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try the ice cubes in the vagina thing we'd read about. He kept sticking one in after another and they got stuck. My vagina had a brain freeze for a half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 842

You deserved it 4 025

The Top

Today, I went to my GP to discuss my anxiety. As I was explaining my symptoms, I accidentally farted loudly due to my nervousness. The doctor paused and said, "Well, let's address that as well." FML.

I agree, your life sucks 610

You deserved it 153

Today, my dad called me a "worthless human being", and told me that I'm "better off committing crimes and living life in a prison cell", all because I haven't gotten into the industry I studied for right out of college. I'm currently at a temp job doing accounting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 032

You deserved it 91

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I didn't attend her dog's funeral, and was therefore an insensitive bastard. I couldn't attend because my mum has cancer and I was driving her to a hospital appointment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 091

You deserved it 3 391

Today, I noticed my husband makes better sex sounds on the toilet then he does with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 750

You deserved it 457

Today, my boyfriend, who is also my coworker, broke up with me. I agreed to stay professional and civil with him during our work hours. However, he decided to report me for "sexual harassment" and "stalking." He showed them the "evidence." I was fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 360

You deserved it 164

Today, my mom told my abusive ex-boyfriend, whom I broke up with 5 days ago, that he is always welcome at my house. She "misses him". FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 379

You deserved it 3 725