Love: Today, my girlfriend wanted to name my penis. After 5 minutes... - FML

By NinjaPanda88 - 01/08/2009 07:44 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend wanted to name my penis. After 5 minutes of thinking up names, she finally picked one. Say hello to Squirtle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 896

You deserved it 16 893

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 16/08/2009 17:14 - United States

Today, my girlfriend named my penis "little baby carrot." FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 113

You deserved it 10 955

By Anonymous - 21/01/2015 08:33 - New Zealand - Auckland

Spicy

Today, I found out the pet name my girlfriend gave my penis wasn't randomly made up after all; it's her ex's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 194

You deserved it 3 536

By Gonzales - 07/08/2015 19:47 - Belgium - Leuven

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend said she would give my penis a name: Gonzales. I asked why she wanted to name it that, and she said, "Because he's Speedy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 761

You deserved it 5 672

By off to the whorehouse, then - 31/03/2014 21:03 - United Kingdom - Brighton

Spicy

Today, my Game of Thrones addicted girlfriend decided to name my penis Tyrion Lannister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 926

You deserved it 7 811

By stun_zeed - 17/01/2017 10:00

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend called my flaccid penis her "little squishy" in a voice like Dory, and became upset when I got aroused because little squishy was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 148

You deserved it 1 277

By Tickdick - 24/03/2017 21:00 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I got out of the shower and noticed a tiny leaf on my penis. With legs. Squirming. I have a new nickname. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 321

You deserved it 559

Size Queen

By Anonymous - 11/11/2019 05:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were taking a shower together. We were fooling around when she took the shower head and started spraying my penis with it. I asked her, "What are you doing?" Her response, "I'm watering it to make it grow." FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 261

You deserved it 14 872

By spermbankonlegs - 16/03/2012 02:21 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of three days asked if we could start naming our future children. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 632

You deserved it 4 871

Call me by my name

By Tim Scotten - 18/05/2021 06:01

Spicy

Today, I had sex with my girlfriend for the first time. Her new nickname for me is "Mr. Breakfast Sausage." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 205

You deserved it 245

By ADT - 09/02/2009 02:14 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. Mid-thrust she says "I love you, Jeremy." Then in rapid succession, she fires off 2 other names. None of the names were mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 603

You deserved it 3 843

Next

Top comments

Tippssy 0

Saturday 1 August 2009 16:32

Pokedex Entry: Squirtle Type: Water Height: 6.5 inches Moveset: Harden, Pound, Withdraw, String Shot

Darkon 0

Saturday 1 August 2009 16:07

That is awesome!

Comments

vostro_candy 0

Sunday 2 August 2009 17:32

FTW

jxchampagne 0

Sunday 2 August 2009 17:45

My girlfriend does the same thing....My cocks name is cheswik and my asses name is seamus...

chris_247 0

Sunday 2 August 2009 19:56

lol

newguy12 0

Sunday 2 August 2009 18:35

Squirtle, i need you to put out the fire.... In my pants!!!

Darling_Darkling 0

Sunday 2 August 2009 18:47

OMG, my ex-boyfriend nicked named me Squirtle hahaha xP!

somaturee 0

Sunday 2 August 2009 19:32

This made me laugh, that's actually a great nickname. Be glad she didn't name it a useless Pokemon like Gigglypuff or something. ;)

ndnsweetie 0

Sunday 2 August 2009 22:25

LOLOLOLOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Roberto22 0

Sunday 2 August 2009 22:36

That is a f*cking brilliant name!

nandothecooldude 0

Monday 3 August 2009 0:31

wtf haha! suck it up:) muahaha! this is retarded but funnnayy!

giganticbrain 0

Monday 3 August 2009 2:03

Nice use of the adjective "retarded" as a synonym for...****, I don't even know what the **** you were saying. Anyway, how was this accepted? There's not much bad about it.

paulfalcon 0

Monday 3 August 2009 2:38

Ha ha... when she gets loose, you should call her twat "Snorlax" or "Kirby". So, anyone fancy a Steelix and two Electrodes? Iron Tail with Swift and the occassional Explosion. ;-)

el_wing 0

Monday 3 August 2009 4:20

haha dont feel bad my friend called her boyfriend's caterpie cuz of his size XD haha

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The Top

Today, I tried reaching out to a brand on Instagram, telling them I'm a rising influencer and would love a free sample of some of their products to review. They replied back with a laughing emoji and "You have 44 followers. Eat shit." Then they posted it on their story, with my name listed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 106

You deserved it 1 538

Today, I was babysitting this 12 year old. We were watching a movie, and he was being an angel just laying with his head in my lap. He fell asleep so I closed my eyes and had a little nap. When I woke up he had taken my shirt off and was feeling up my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 510

You deserved it 15 067

The Top

Today, I withdrew €40 at the ATM to pay for dinner later tonight. It wasn't until I went to pay for it that I realized I'd taken the receipt, but left the cash in the ATM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 409

You deserved it 41 848

Today, I met up with my estranged father for the first time in almost 15 years. I saw him again later, while he was robbing my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 837

You deserved it 3 141

Today, I came in to work looking very tan. I took Friday off to go to a friend's funeral, which was outdoors, and I tan very easily. Now my boss and everyone else thinks I lied about my friend's death to get off work on a Friday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 020

You deserved it 3 130

Today, my boss called on my day off and told me to come to work. She neglected to tell me that it was simply to give me my recent paycheck after it got lost, but then she said, "Since you showed up in uniform, you might as well clock in for today. The new guy no-showed again." FML

I agree, your life sucks 534

You deserved it 94

Today, my girlfriend was complaining of being stressed, so I mentioned having heard that sex relieves a lot of that build up of stress. She replied, "I think I'd rather stay stressed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 068

You deserved it 8 035

Today, my girlfriend and I were going through some troubles in our relationship, and she said to me, "No offense, but I really hope no other relationship I have in the future will be like this one." Some offense taken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 964

You deserved it 3 209