Intimacy: Today, my naked boyfriend walked up to me with my towel around... - FML

By peniswoman - 14/07/2013 17:03 - United Kingdom - Paisley

Spicy

Today, my naked boyfriend walked up to me with my towel around his neck and with a hard-on, then declared he was "The Penis Man" and slapped me with his junk. I thought I was dating a man, not a man-child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 036

You deserved it 18 339

Christmas: Snowy Joys and Blunders
Enjoy Christmas stories where unexpected gifts and family reunions create lasting memories... and fun! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

My little buddy

By Anonymous - 18/08/2009 05:37 - United States

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my husband in our room completely naked. At first I thought he was waiting for me so we could have sex. He hadn't seen me yet, so I started to undress too to surprise him. Then I saw that he had drawn a face on his penis and he was talking to it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 116

You deserved it 6 511

By Katrina - 13/02/2011 22:32 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was busily having fun with my girlfriend, when suddenly the bedroom door opened and a man walked in, picked me up, and threw me outside the apartment. I was naked and didn't even know she was into men, much less had a husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 625

You deserved it 9 579

Buzzing the tower

By Princess ? - 12/04/2020 14:00

Spicy

Today, I was taking a shower when my husband suddenly came in naked. I thought we were gonna have some fun, and so tried to be sexy. He took a quick shower and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 166

You deserved it 283

Wrong sort of poking

By Anonymous - 22/09/2013 05:40 - United States - Brandon

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend got out of the shower and tried to hit my forehead with his penis. He slipped and slapped me in the eye with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 194

You deserved it 9 739

By stillhungry - 27/06/2015 18:37 - United States - San Francisco

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend called me while I was at work. He sounded very excited and told me he had a surprise for me. He doesn't usually do this kind of thing, so I was excited. When I came home, I found him naked, with "Bone Appetite" written right above his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 523

You deserved it 3 984

Not now, Sweetie

By Redbeard - 24/01/2020 05:00

Today, while we had my husband's boss over, my 3-year-old son decided to burst into the living room naked and yell, "Mum, look! Penis!" and wiggle it around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 189

You deserved it 369

By chewybarseventy - 24/08/2010 06:17 - United States

Spicy

Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 501

You deserved it 11 071

By cmore - 11/03/2010 01:10 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when he finished, seemingly angry. He stood there naked complaining for 15 minutes about how our sex sucked. Then he demanded that I dress him because "it's my fault his clothes were off in the first place". FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 063

You deserved it 5 652

By Notaplacetogo - 17/02/2013 06:45 - United States - Walnut Creek

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend taking pictures of his penis in a condom. When I asked him what the hell he was doing he told me that he was making a stop-motion film called "All Dressed Up with Nowhere to go." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 673

You deserved it 10 120

Booming

By Anonymous - 26/04/2013 22:22 - United States - Arvada

Spicy

Today, things got pretty steamy between my boyfriend and me. We started doing stuff that neither of us had tried before. Then, he straddled me with a raging erection and boomed, "IT HAS RISEN!" He didn't understand why I was suddenly no longer in the mood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 933

You deserved it 10 195

Next

Top comments

mkid232 15

Monday 15 July 2013 0:23

Wow, you sound like a bundle of fun, OP...

zed34 18

Monday 15 July 2013 0:23

Men will be boys!

Comments

graceinsheepwear 33

Monday 15 July 2013 0:40

Would you rather he Rodin with a hand under his chain and a faraway look, declaring himself "Pensive Man"?

lucyskydiamonds 5

Monday 15 July 2013 0:45

Sounds like you need to lighten up a bit, OP. People are allowed to be immature from time to time. It's all in good fun.

beckiebear 15

Monday 15 July 2013 0:49

I love when my boyfriend does silly things like that! It makes me laugh and turns me onto him even more. :) lighten up a little, OP.

beautifulsoul89 11

Monday 15 July 2013 0:52

Lmao, theres nothing wrong with a little humor every now and then. Just because he did that doesnt mean hes a child..lighten up sweetie, have fun in your relationship!!!! :-)

TheHeavyOne 15

Monday 15 July 2013 0:53

We need some room to be immature sometimes! That goes for both genders. Life is too short not to have fun once in a while.

nbrowser 24

Monday 15 July 2013 0:55

Geez woman...lighten up n play with it...you sound like a frigid cold woman !

prettyfeet 12

Monday 15 July 2013 0:57

no sense of humor

rinoa_fml 10

Monday 15 July 2013 0:58

I guess he mistook you for someone that understands the concept of "fun".

alivak 6

Monday 15 July 2013 0:59

What! That's totally cool, you should have been his arch nemesis professor ******! Let his slay you ;D

StaceyNash 6

Monday 15 July 2013 1:03

Haha! Love it!

1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10

Keywords

Miscellaneous Family DIY Cats Management Poopoo peepee Work Awkward Relatable Coworkers Frustration Am I overreacting? Capitalism Animals ADHD Dogs Transportation Love Dating Health Anxiety Technology Mental health Sleep Roommate Clumsy Noise AITA Confused Parents

The Top

Today, I was in an elevator with my girlfriend when it suddenly stopped. Thinking of being spontaneous like in all the movies, I propped her up on the railings and started getting passionate. That's when the emergency phone rang. And I discovered there was a security camera. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 327

You deserved it 41 012

Today, I was dead tired and just wanted sleep, so I jumped into bed the second the day's chores were done. Of fucking course, this was the day my fiancée decided to end our eight-week dry spell and came in wearing sexy lingerie. I couldn't stay hard due to exhaustion, and now she's been crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 252

You deserved it 80

The Top

Today, at work, I had to explain to a 50-year-old engineer that Comic Sans is not an acceptable font for a government contractor to use in a structural report. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 880

You deserved it 184

Today, I met my new psychologist for the first time. Expecting it to be someone I wouldn’t know, the door opens and out walks a man I hooked up with once. What makes it worse was he pissed my bed that night. I never called him back or spoke to him again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 409

You deserved it 256

Today, I discovered that the lovely, hunger-inducing smell that's been lingering around the office lately is from the local animal crematory. I've been wistfully inhaling the stench of burning cats, dogs, and other various animals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 053

You deserved it 7 082

Today, my boyfriend once again cancelled a date because he has too much homework. His professor is my dad, who's assigning astronomical amounts of homework to keep us from seeing each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 750

You deserved it 4 855

Today, I was walking home when I made eye contact with some guy, just being friendly. He then started rapping at me while pointing at his dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 094

You deserved it 4 637

Today, I was sitting on the train when some crazy man started talking to me. I ignored him, and he tapped on my shoulder. He started blabbing and I just pointed to my ears and mouthed, "I'm deaf." He stopped talking. A minute later my phone rang and I answered it without thinking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 080

You deserved it 75 580