Intimacy: Today, my naked boyfriend walked up to me with my towel around... - FML

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By peniswoman - 14/07/2013 17:03 - United Kingdom - Paisley

Spicy

Today, my naked boyfriend walked up to me with my towel around his neck and with a hard-on, then declared he was "The Penis Man" and slapped me with his junk. I thought I was dating a man, not a man-child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 050

You deserved it 18 349

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Same thing different taste

My little buddy

By Anonymous - 18/08/2009 05:37 - United States

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my husband in our room completely naked. At first I thought he was waiting for me so we could have sex. He hadn't seen me yet, so I started to undress too to surprise him. Then I saw that he had drawn a face on his penis and he was talking to it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 133

You deserved it 6 514

Breaking news

By Katrina - 13/02/2011 22:32 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was busily having fun with my girlfriend, when suddenly the bedroom door opened and a man walked in, picked me up, and threw me outside the apartment. I was naked and didn't even know she was into men, much less had a husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 710

You deserved it 9 606

Buzzing the tower

By Princess ? - 12/04/2020 14:00

Spicy

Today, I was taking a shower when my husband suddenly came in naked. I thought we were gonna have some fun, and so tried to be sexy. He took a quick shower and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 178

You deserved it 291

Wrong sort of poking

By Anonymous - 22/09/2013 05:40 - United States - Brandon

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend got out of the shower and tried to hit my forehead with his penis. He slipped and slapped me in the eye with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 206

You deserved it 9 744

By stillhungry - 27/06/2015 18:37 - United States - San Francisco

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend called me while I was at work. He sounded very excited and told me he had a surprise for me. He doesn't usually do this kind of thing, so I was excited. When I came home, I found him naked, with "Bone Appetite" written right above his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 534

You deserved it 3 987

Not now, Sweetie

By Redbeard - 24/01/2020 05:00

Today, while we had my husband's boss over, my 3-year-old son decided to burst into the living room naked and yell, "Mum, look! Penis!" and wiggle it around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 202

You deserved it 372

By chewybarseventy - 24/08/2010 06:17 - United States

Spicy

Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 515

You deserved it 11 075

Discontent

By cmore - 11/03/2010 01:10 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when he finished, seemingly angry. He stood there naked complaining for 15 minutes about how our sex sucked. Then he demanded that I dress him, because "it's my fault his clothes were off in the first place". FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 183

You deserved it 5 663

By Notaplacetogo - 17/02/2013 06:45 - United States - Walnut Creek

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend taking pictures of his penis in a condom. When I asked him what the hell he was doing he told me that he was making a stop-motion film called "All Dressed Up with Nowhere to go." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 679

You deserved it 10 122

Booming

By Anonymous - 26/04/2013 22:22 - United States - Arvada

Spicy

Today, things got pretty steamy between my boyfriend and me. We started doing stuff that neither of us had tried before. Then, he straddled me with a raging erection and boomed, "IT HAS RISEN!" He didn't understand why I was suddenly no longer in the mood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 952

You deserved it 10 210

Next

Top comments

mkid232 15

Monday 15 July 2013 0:23

Wow, you sound like a bundle of fun, OP...

zed34 18

Monday 15 July 2013 0:23

Men will be boys!

Comments

booshislove 8

Monday 15 July 2013 4:56

All men are secretly man-children.

nadiaelise 2

Monday 15 July 2013 5:00

step one remove the sand from your ******, step two replace with a sense of humor

SasquatchDeluxe 10

Monday 15 July 2013 5:04

Don't get naked with a guy until you know him at least well enough that you can be sure he won't pull that sort of crap. YDI

jman26 11

Monday 15 July 2013 5:15

Have a decent sense of humor goddammit!

Likian5 26

Monday 15 July 2013 5:22

You obviously have no sense of humor, OP...

mulumequitem 6

Monday 15 July 2013 5:23

OP calm down all men (inducing myself) are just taller children with jobs and responsibility.

superdom 12

Monday 15 July 2013 5:25

That's funny and silly I thought you girls love a guy with humor

MrE187 12

Monday 15 July 2013 5:25

I don't see a problem here.

tbenson0628 14

Monday 15 July 2013 5:27

Wait why is this an FML?

erichsalvesen 13

Monday 15 July 2013 5:51

Men do this kind of shit our whole lives. Get used to it or get out.

omgitslian 6

Monday 15 July 2013 6:05

sign me up for the lesbian team, then!

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You deserved it 387

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You deserved it 135

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I agree, your life sucks 9 086

You deserved it 40 705

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I agree, your life sucks 55 037

You deserved it 3 629

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You deserved it 1 377

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I agree, your life sucks 28 291

You deserved it 7 331

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You deserved it 127