Intimacy: Today, my wife bought a strap-on. I'm about fifty miles beyond...

By possibly fucked - 22/06/2014 20:34 - Portugal - Lisbon

Today, my wife bought a strap-on. I'm about fifty miles beyond terrified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 899

You deserved it 9 552

Christmas: Snowy Joys and Blunders
Enjoy Christmas stories where unexpected gifts and family reunions create lasting memories... and fun! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Average Lover - 27/10/2018 03:00

Today, my wife and I decided to go to an adult store and buy some toys to spice up the bedroom a bit. She wanted to buy a double-edged dildo so "we can use it together". I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 747

You deserved it 763

Freaky

By Anonymous - 27/08/2010 09:15 - United States

Today, my new girlfriend, with whom I have not had sex yet, showed me her collection of sex toys. She picked up one approximately the size of my forearm and said "This one is my favorite." Now I'm scared for her to see me naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 833

You deserved it 5 009

TMI, DUDE!

By Anonymous - 16/10/2022 10:00

Today, it might be the day I ask my wife to peg me. Hope it goes well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 365

You deserved it 1 273

Bigger than...

By Jim - 26/11/2019 16:00 - Canada - Winfield

Today, I was looking for my passport and I found my wife's new vibrator (that she failed to tell me she'd purchased). I understand now why she doesn't want sex with me anymore. That thing is much bigger than I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 509

You deserved it 525

No kinkshaming, but come on…

By Anonymous - 30/11/2021 14:01

Today, my wife announced she wants to incorporate a saddle into our lovemaking. This might be fine, except she wants me to wear an actual 30-pound saddle, and I have bad knees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 296

You deserved it 169

By Anonymous - 11/03/2016 22:09 - United Kingdom - Hatfield

Today, I lost what should've been the easiest bet ever. Now I have to let my girlfriend go at me with a strap-on or forever be known as a sore loser. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 881

You deserved it 20 825

Karma police

By Anonymous - 26/07/2022 22:00

Today, six months after my wife convinced me to open our relationship, I finally scored with a lovely lady. My wife threw the biggest fit in history. Apparently, she just wanted to fuck other men and didn't think anyone would be interested in me, and now she feels inadequate and threatened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 868

You deserved it 349

By jigglypluff - 19/11/2014 05:27 - United States - Omaha

Today, my wife and I decided to try out role playing. She ended up having an anxiety attack when I said she wasn't turning in her homework. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 284

You deserved it 4 944

By Picaresque - 26/02/2009 17:57 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try anal sex. When he was done, I turned around to see him holding a strap-on with a smile on his face and said 'Now, do me'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 285 945

You deserved it 68 198

No kink-shaming on FML

By thedoc - 15/07/2014 03:25 - United States - Amarillo

Today, my wife was putting her finger in my bellybutton and making overly sexual noises. I thought this was all fun and games until I realized she was actually into this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 565

You deserved it 6 960

A1BROS 4

Monday 23 June 2014 1:50

Sounds like a real pain in the ass.

itwasthedognotme 14

Monday 23 June 2014 1:49

Time to strap-on your seatbelt and drive far, far away..

Comments

romanova83 6

Monday 23 June 2014 4:31

Whatever you do, do not bend over!

TumblrAndStuff 14

Monday 23 June 2014 4:31

Enjoy

fader48080 10

Monday 23 June 2014 4:38

wow, it really sucks when best case scenario is your wife is a closet lesbian and is cheating on you.

elizacandle 29

Monday 23 June 2014 4:40

embrace it

docdann 3

Monday 23 June 2014 4:48

Just relax and enjoy it

BreathingClover 19

Monday 23 June 2014 4:50

what? so she's supposed to have a ****?

idontpoststuff 5

Monday 23 June 2014 4:53

Dude just bend over and enjoy it only hurts at the beginning but it feels wonderfull after the pain stops

LisaDay 14

Monday 23 June 2014 4:59

I doubt its for her to use on him. She probably wants both anal and vaginal at the same time without brining in another man.

MyCommentsSuck 21

Monday 23 June 2014 5:36

Dude just loosen up...no seriously, loosen up, it'll help.

Gestpacho88 12

Monday 23 June 2014 5:56

Well I will run 500 miles an hour, and he should sprint 500 more....

MidnaLink 33

Monday 23 June 2014 6:10

Just to be the man, who dashes a thousand miles and falls down at your door.

Keywords

Hair Health Haircut Miscellaneous Gifts Money Christmas Lonely Relatable Cars Parents Drunk Kids Awkward Family Love Ironic Social Media Technology Holidays Narcissistic parents Relationship advice Annoying Animals Dogs Poopoo peepee Work My ex Religion AITA

The Top

Today, I woke up at 5 a.m. because my throat was swelling up. I called 911 and they determined that I would live, so I took two Benadryl and slept all day. Then I went to urgent care for my scheduled appointment time and tested positive for Covid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 859

You deserved it 215

Today, I went to work leaving my girlfriend asleep in my bed. Later she calls me, demanding to know how long I've been cheating on her. We don't use condoms but she found several in the bin when she decided to empty it. I had to explain while my colleagues listened that I use them to masturbate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 339

You deserved it 19 748

The Top

Today, my girlfriend let me stay over at her house for the first time. I went into her room only to find out she's obsessed with the Joker and has a bunch of posters and toys of him. I am deathly afraid of clowns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 255

You deserved it 3 758

Today, I got a cat so I'd have some company, since my roommate is always with her boyfriend. Too bad the cat likes her more. So now I get to sit and listen to her talk to her boyfriend to get to cuddle with my kitty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 527

You deserved it 874

Today, knowing that I have severe arachnophobia, my brother brought over his friend's tarantula. One hour later, the spider got loose. It's been 5 hours and I'm afraid to go to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 926

You deserved it 238

Today, I was helping my dad move into his new house. It's a 4-bedroom house and he has three kids so it's perfect. I was wandering around and noticed that the first bedroom is his, the second is my older brother's, the third is my younger sister's, and the fourth is an office. I have no room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 556

You deserved it 41

Today, I was finishing up my art project that was due the next day. I was really tired and fell asleep on my table. Three hours later, I woke up to find my project torn to bits. I went out and saw my cat vomitting out feathers and other materials I used for my project. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 733

You deserved it 8 163

Today, I found out that my 50-year-old ex-husband and the 20-year-old skank he cheated on me with are buying the house next door to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 639

You deserved it 302