Love: Today, my wife has a bruise on her cheek from a nasty trip while...

By Anonymous - 29/06/2014 17:26 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my wife has a bruise on her cheek from a nasty trip while practicing her yoga. She now thinks it's hilarious to flinch in public when I get near her, and keeps telling people she "walked into a door". I've gotten more dirty looks than I can count. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 334

You deserved it 5 168

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

Stop assuming the worst!

By notbeeatingmywife - 21/08/2022 06:00 - United States - Denver

Today, my girlfriend has some bruises from her karate class. We went shopping together and needless to say, I got quite a few dirty looks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 875

You deserved it 94

By DHarman - 25/05/2010 23:06 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend actually walked into a door and gave herself a black eye. She's too embarrassed to admit it, so she's telling everyone I beat her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 640

You deserved it 4 070

By SkinsCastSelection - 17/01/2011 22:50 - France

Today, my girlfriend gave herself a black eye by running into a door. To avoid being teased about her clumsiness, she's telling everyone that I hit her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 104

You deserved it 3 664

By *facefloor* - 24/07/2012 20:08 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I got into a heated argument at a house party. To avoid a huge scene, I pulled her into another room, during which I managed to trip over my feet and faceplant the floor. She shouted, "Hah! That's what you get!" Now everyone thinks she beat the shit out of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 071

You deserved it 5 417

By kinlin - 02/06/2018 19:00

Today, an attractive woman looked in my direction and smiled. My wife saw this and stomped on my foot, and I screamed like a little girl from the pain. People turned and stared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 095

You deserved it 935

By Stan - 29/08/2011 21:19 - United States

Today, I was doing my jazz aerobics workout and accidentally kicked my 3 year old daughter in the face. Everyone we know, including my wife, thinks I beat her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 744

You deserved it 9 606

By GreenMonstR - 25/04/2009 05:09 - United States

Today, I was at the store with my wife. As we were walking out, I helped an elderly woman get through the door. As I was opening the door, my foot got stuck on the door and my face was catapulted into the woman's breasts. It wasn't until we got into the car that my wife burst into hysterics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 230

You deserved it 4 773

Thanks a bunch

By nose hurts - 30/12/2012 01:01 - United States - Richmond

Today, I was leaning over cleaning a table at work, when my pretty coworker came up behind me and slapped me on the butt. I was so startled that I slipped and smashed my face into the table. Now she can't look at me without laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 645

You deserved it 3 494

By anonymous - 09/10/2011 01:20 - Australia

Today, I was play-wrestling with my girlfriend. I ended up with a cut, three bruises on my arm and a black eye. She just giggled the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 272

You deserved it 27 588

By shenmas - 08/07/2018 19:00

Today, while I was out walking with my girlfriend, I got beaten up and called an "abuser" by a gang of women who noticed bruises on my girlfriend's arms and legs. The bruises are from her karate class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 356

You deserved it 264

KingLewisII 34

Monday 30 June 2014 1:21

Next time say I already warned you once.

subgub2222 16

Monday 30 June 2014 1:25

That horrible and people like your wife are the reason so many people don't take real domestic abuse seriously, your wife and people who do what she's doing are making domestic abuse into a big joke when it's really something very serious.

Comments

FML_Elle 17

Monday 30 June 2014 7:04

This sounds so similar to another FML published awhile ago!

ladytigerhunts 20

Monday 30 June 2014 7:45

Best. Wife. Ever. I'm sorry, I know, but it's HILARIOUS!

absynthe76 10

Monday 30 June 2014 7:51

Tell her in public, that you said mustard in your sandwich and NOT mayo woman! Glad she's got a sense of humor.

xebi 4

Monday 30 June 2014 8:09

Your wife will be laughing on the other side of her face when someone anonymously tips off a domestic violence hotline or the police. I try to be lighthearted about practical jokes but domestic violence isnt funny. People like her are the reason why people are reluctant to report such crimes.

bluejaygonewrong 5

Monday 30 June 2014 8:09

That's seriously a bitchy thing for your wife to do :-(

duuuh1 11

Monday 30 June 2014 8:14

I'm all for finding the fun in everyday life, but there are some very serious lines I don't cross. Pretending to be a victim of domestic abuse is utterly messed up on so many levels. It sure as hell isn't funny to actual victims of physical abuse, and it's going to be even less funny to you when the cops show up. A DV on your record while you try to sort stuff out because of your wife's disgusting "joke" could do some unbelievable damage to your life. She needs to cut that shit out pronto.

FML_Gecko 4

Monday 30 June 2014 9:12

My wife did that to me after she donated blood. It left a huge bruise right at sleeve level. She thought it was funny as all hell. Until someone called the cops.