Intimacy: Today, my wife of 2 years told me she was pregnant, after we've...

By Cheated - 03/08/2010 04:07 - Canada

Today, my wife of 2 years told me she was pregnant, after we've been trying for ages. Excited, about to call my parents, my wife then told me, "Don't get your hopes up it might not be yours, the father could be 5 other guys." And then asked me what I'd like for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 404

You deserved it 4 579

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Hopeless

By Anonymous - 18/11/2019 20:00

Today, my wife of 2 years told me she was pregnant, after we've been trying for ages. Excited, about to call my parents, then, my wife told me, "Don't get your hopes up it might not be yours, the father could be 5 other guys." And then asked me what I'd like for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 266

You deserved it 345

By Anonymous - 07/01/2012 00:01 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me there was good news and bad news. Bad news: she's pregnant. Good news: I'm probably not the father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 393

You deserved it 4 404

By Crash44 - 08/07/2019 02:03

Today, my girlfriend and I broke the news to my parents that we're having a baby. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "It's probably not yours." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 020

You deserved it 256

Charming dude

By unzucht - 30/05/2012 16:45 - Romania - Bucharest

Today, my wife and I convened our families for a joint dinner, followed by me breaking the news that my wife is pregnant. My father visibly scoffed, and my grandfather spent the rest of the evening muttering to him about how "breeders should be shot". Wonderful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 734

You deserved it 2 494

Rollercoaster

By Anonymous - 05/03/2010 12:54 - United States

Today, my girlfriend blew up at me for a comment I had made several weeks ago about not wanting kids. Then, she told me that she's pregnant. After consoling her and telling her that whatever we do, we'll do it together, she further explained that she's not sure if it's mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 717

You deserved it 3 659

By doomed - 22/08/2009 17:46 - United States

Today, my fiancée, who believes in "sex after marriage" like me, told me she was pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 433

You deserved it 6 700

By Broken - 03/08/2010 12:11 - United Arab Emirates

Today, my fiancé invited his pregnant co-worker for dinner. After we finished eating, he sat down and explained to me that her kid is his and that he's been cheating on me with her for 5 months. She had a smile on her face during the entire thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 206

You deserved it 4 734

By wow - 15/04/2013 18:36 - Russian Federation - Saint Petersburg

Today, my husband of 6 years said in a grave voice that he had some important news for me. Jokingly, I said, "Why, did you get that cute colleague of yours pregnant?" He did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 965

You deserved it 6 739

Three is a magic number

By Jenny - 05/04/2020 23:00

Today, my 15-year-old daughter told me that she's pregnant. To make matters worse, she doesn't know who the father is. She told me not to worry though, because she has it narrowed down to "like, only 3 guys." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 317

You deserved it 498

By TKPhai - 05/04/2015 03:06 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my parents, my aunt, and her husband went out to dinner. Once there, my aunt told us that she was pregnant. Out of instinct, I asked her who the father is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 201

You deserved it 16 475

SparkleMotion44 0

Tuesday 3 August 2010 12:26

divorce that ***** brah

Jessi_the_sexii 0

Tuesday 3 August 2010 12:44

answer: I want a divorce for dinner

Comments

wadufuxup 0

Tuesday 3 August 2010 19:10

LMFAO. classic.

rety1 13

Tuesday 3 August 2010 20:40

FALCONNN!!!!!

Lisa89 3

Tuesday 3 August 2010 20:45

I hope she was joking. If not, i'm sure she was so cool about it for a reason; i.e OP prob had cheated on her loads/ really hurt her loads. Although still bitchy of her. This is just my opinion BUT. Guess you'll divorce her. Get a DNA on the baby ASAP. If it's not yours, seriously, DON'T have anything to do with her. If it's yours, you have to be responsible and look after that child... finacially and emotionally. Don't blame the kid, but best to not get involved with your ***** wife.

eganbull 1

Tuesday 3 August 2010 20:47

Today, after dinner, I hunted down five men and killed my potential child. FML. Seriously, CCSI (Canadian Crime Scene Investigation).

lordofkiwis 0

Tuesday 3 August 2010 21:01

lol hilarious!

erinmichellehere 0

Tuesday 3 August 2010 21:10

perdix- you are an effin idiot! the difference between Canadian and American health care is that we don't have to pay a fortune for those treatments and they are available to everyone! that's the point which is probably why your president is trying to change your health care to match ours. and btw the hicks that do that live in the south, which is located in the depth of your country. also just for those who are curious I'm Canada if it is not genetically your child and your spouse cheated, child support is the biological fathers duty, not the poor bastard who was cheated on!

roflinyourwaffle 0

Tuesday 3 August 2010 21:42

i'm just about 99% sure that you're not canada.

5t3ff1k4h 44

Tuesday 3 August 2010 21:52

Pretty sure it's not technically free health care if we pay for it in taxes.

Trollz4daLULZ 1

Tuesday 3 August 2010 22:05

if he says he's an entire country, we HAVE to believe him. The Philippines posted here the other day, in a different FML!

perdix 29

Tuesday 3 August 2010 23:49

erinmichellehere #123, CTFD! This is a comedy site, not a ******* Tea Party Rally. I was trying to be satirical and humorous, and not like that asshole Glenn Beck. I thought my comment was pretty funny and a thumb in the eye to the American "system" more than the Canadian one. Jeez, if you can't take a ****, joke you!