Sextoys, Funerals and Intimacy: Too late

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Too late

By hinting - 17/06/2013 16:43 - United States - Dearborn

Today, my grandma's new dildo arrived in the mail. We buried her yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 594

You deserved it 4 590

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Same thing different taste

By carebear1228 - 01/07/2014 17:31 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my grandma got a new boyfriend. She dumped the old one because "His wife was taking too long to die." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 052

You deserved it 4 786

Overcome

By Handblocked - 04/09/2018 06:00

Today, I got a new vibrator, raced all the way home, tore my pants off, took it out of the box, and then my grandmother walked in my front door. Apparently she's spending the night so she can make it to a doctor's appointment in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 422

You deserved it 631

Thanks, I hate it!

By V…… - 09/02/2009 07:51 - United States

Today, I visited my 78 year-old grandmother. She thanked me for visiting and gave me a magazine before I left telling me I might find something I like in there. When I got home I looked at the magazine only to realize it's full of dildos and sextoys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 427

You deserved it 3 437

Weird kink but OK

By Anonymous - 25/01/2024 13:00 - United States

Today, I was alone at my dad's house. I was furiously masturbating when I knocked something over. It was my grandmother's ashes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 141

You deserved it 603

By tdiz - 12/10/2010 04:48 - Canada

Today, I was getting frisky with my fiancée when she started talking about her dead great-grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 901

You deserved it 3 575

Thanks for the memories

By How - 01/10/2024 17:00 - United States

Today, I was expecting a package from a few days ago, but it still hadn't arrived. As I was going to work, I found it at my grandma's house. Why didn't my grandma tell me, you ask? She died last year. My package was mistakenly delivered to A DEAD PERSON. FML

I agree, your life sucks 386

You deserved it 116

Quandary

By Anonymous - 18/05/2022 12:00

Today, my nana died today of a heart attack in her sleep. I’ll never know if there was something I could have done, because while it was happening I was upstairs with a dildo, as it’s been a month since I had sex and I had the urge. I feel so selfish and ashamed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 571

You deserved it 294

By Anonymous - 10/09/2013 07:04 - United States

Today, I found out my grandma wears dentures when I had to fish them out of a cooler. She lost them bobbing for beer at a local bar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 951

You deserved it 2 615

Boomer humor

By Anonymous - 15/02/2014 23:14 - Australia - Fitzroy

Today, I proudly informed my grandma that I now have a girlfriend. My grandpa overheard and said how surprising that was, given how expensive blowup dolls are. He and my grandma then both laughed out loud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 356

You deserved it 6 334

By Jonnyboo - 29/08/2009 12:13 - United States

Today, I found out I was getting a new bed for my room. Then find out it was my great-grandmother's. The one she died in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 563

You deserved it 2 801

teddy4nyy 13

Monday 17 June 2013 23:05

Quite possibly the creepiest FML I've ever read on this site.

yoimtrollin 24

Monday 17 June 2013 23:06

"Oh das nasty" - Cleveland Brown

Comments

Jasper1405 16

Monday 17 June 2013 23:10

This is disturbing on so many levels, I can't imagine what you must have felt like when you saw it...

mangoboy1 19

Monday 17 June 2013 23:11

She should've chosen same day shipping.

apache316 6

Monday 17 June 2013 23:25

So wrong yet so funny lol

ydi_4_suking 20

Monday 17 June 2013 23:28

I hope she didn't die waiting for it

apache316 6

Monday 17 June 2013 23:47

I guess you could say that the wait.........was killing her

SomeRandomGuy15 18

Tuesday 18 June 2013 7:34

I'm going to hell for laughing at this thread.

dizzaymizlizzay 11

Tuesday 18 June 2013 10:19

Definitely the funniest thread on here. Love it

perdix 29

Monday 17 June 2013 23:11

Dig her up and throw the ***** in the casket with her! Eternity is a mighty long time and high-quality toys are surely welcome.

ComaWhiteLove 18

Tuesday 18 June 2013 6:46

Don't forget spare batteries!

perdix 29

Tuesday 18 June 2013 6:57

#119, you're confusing a ***** with a vibrator, I think.

AnthonyWheeler15 24

Monday 17 June 2013 23:12

I honestly don't know how to react to this, I'm sure you didn't either!

olpally 32

Monday 17 June 2013 23:12

Smh. What. The. ****. Seriously? So wrong, I don't even know where to begin.

olpally 32

Tuesday 18 June 2013 1:47

Don't worry I buried my own comment. Thank you FML community :)

Pussycat86 18

Tuesday 18 June 2013 3:42

Do you need a ***** for that comment?

datoismyname 22

Tuesday 18 June 2013 4:59

You can't bury your own comment.

olpally 32

Tuesday 18 June 2013 5:44

I did bury it, I was the one who put it to -10. Lol.

HeadlessSparrow 20

Monday 17 June 2013 23:13

Bury the ***** as well?

BlackPhenom 9

Monday 17 June 2013 23:14

That's morbid as hell. I don't even know what you can do with it.

djxerxes9000 18

Monday 17 June 2013 23:51

Normally they rammed repeatedly into an orifice.

LissaMccracken 23

Monday 17 June 2013 23:14

Grossssssssssss D: But sorry about your grandma dying...

graceinsheepwear 33

Monday 17 June 2013 23:15

That would have been great in her hands instead of the usual lily or rosary. Go Gran!

IronMan3758 4

Monday 17 June 2013 23:16

That's just unpleasant, well for you

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stuck Awkward Confused Relatable Love Weird First Dates Weddings AITA Instagram Stalker Social Media My ex Music Cheating Furniture Kids Introverts Cute Friends Money Capitalism Food Pregnancy Health Healthy Lifestyle Dad jokes Sextoys Intimacy

The Top

Today, my husband and son haven’t spoken to each other in over a year. I’ve tried everything from bargaining, crying, and even screaming at them both, but they seem determined to hate each other. At this rate, our son will move out and we’ll never see him or our future grand babies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 984

You deserved it 368

Today, my wife woke me up, saying her husband was home and that I needed to escape before he caught me. I was still struggling with the window when I remembered I’m her husband and she was laughing, filming my half-asleep ass trying to escape from being caught by myself cheating with my own wife. Duh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 696

You deserved it 1 473

The Top

Today, I was offered a promotion but for the same pay. Promotion... WTF? FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 364

You deserved it 2 356

Today, I had the house to myself for the morning. I decided to enjoy being alone, so pulled my trusty bullet vibrator from the drawer. I was very much into it, loving the alone time and myself, and was on the edge of climax when my vibrator died. This brought me to tears, because all I wanted to do was be alone and masturbate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 380

You deserved it 299

Today, I used a restroom. While doing my thing, the power in my building completely went out. There was another person in the restroom making demonic noises and scratching at my stall. When the power came back on, he was gone. I think I'm being haunted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 134

You deserved it 3 549

Today, my boyfriend had a tantrum because I didn't like Black Sabbath as much as him. Apparently our entire relationship was based on him thinking I did. I've now been labeled "The Queen of Lies." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 551

You deserved it 3 259

Today, I was looking at porn on my laptop when my mom came into my room to talk to me. After she finished what she was saying, she paused and said, "You know, I can see the reflection of your computer screen in your glasses." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 253

You deserved it 38 042

Today, I was at work and a lady came in with a cake - I work as a nurse in a pediatrics ward. While we were eating the cake, she told us she used her breast milk instead of normal milk. Now all of us nurses have to be tested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 556

You deserved it 458

Too late

Same thing different taste

Overcome

Thanks, I hate it!

Weird kink but OK

Thanks for the memories

Quandary

Boomer humor

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