Sextoys, Funerals and Intimacy: Too late

Too late

By hinting - 17/06/2013 16:43 - United States - Dearborn

Today, my grandma's new dildo arrived in the mail. We buried her yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 574

You deserved it 4 587

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

By carebear1228 - 01/07/2014 17:31 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my grandma got a new boyfriend. She dumped the old one because "His wife was taking too long to die." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 033

You deserved it 4 783

By Handblocked - 04/09/2018 06:00

Today, I got a new vibrator, raced all the way home, tore my pants off, took it out of the box, and then my grandmother walked in my front door. Apparently she's spending the night so she can make it to a doctor appointment in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 397

You deserved it 621

By V - 09/02/2009 07:51 - United States

Today, I visited my 78 year old grandmother. She thanked me for visiting and gave me a magazine before I left telling me I might find something I like in there. When I got home I looked at the magazine only to realize it's full of dildos and sextoys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 399

You deserved it 3 429

Weird kink but OK

By Anonymous - 25/01/2024 13:00 - United States

Today, I was alone at my dad's house. I was furiously masturbating when I knocked something over. It was my grandmother's ashes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 134

You deserved it 557

By tdiz - 12/10/2010 04:48 - Canada

Today, I was getting frisky with my fiancée when she started talking about her dead great-grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 888

You deserved it 3 569

Thanks for the memories

By How - 01/10/2024 17:00 - United States

Today, I was expecting a package from a few days ago, but it still hadn't arrived. As I was going to work, I found it at my grandma's house. Why didn't my grandma tell me, you ask? She died last year. My package was mistakenly delivered to A DEAD PERSON. FML

I agree, your life sucks 379

You deserved it 103

Quandary

By Anonymous - 18/05/2022 12:00

Today, my nana died today of a heart attack in her sleep. I’ll never know if there was something I could have done, because while it was happening I was upstairs with a dildo, as it’s been a month since I had sex and I had the urge. I feel so selfish and ashamed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 552

You deserved it 291

By Anonymous - 10/09/2013 07:04 - United States

Today, I found out my grandma wears dentures when I had to fish them out of a cooler. She lost them bobbing for beer at a local bar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 945

You deserved it 2 613

Boomer humor

By Anonymous - 15/02/2014 23:14 - Australia - Fitzroy

Today, I proudly informed my grandma that I now have a girlfriend. My grandpa overheard and said how surprising that was, given how expensive blowup dolls are. He and my grandma then both laughed out loud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 339

You deserved it 6 329

By Jonnyboo - 29/08/2009 12:13 - United States

Today, I found out I was getting a new bed for my room. Then find out it was my great-grandmother's. The one she died in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 552

You deserved it 2 799

teddy4nyy 13

Monday 17 June 2013 23:05

Quite possibly the creepiest FML I've ever read on this site.

yoimtrollin 24

Monday 17 June 2013 23:06

"Oh das nasty" - Cleveland Brown

Comments

Kashaqueetrah 12

Monday 17 June 2013 23:33

This is funny, disturbing, and sad all at the same time.... RIP Horny Grandma

Jemm_fml 29

Monday 17 June 2013 23:37

... I'm trying to say something witty but I'll admit that I'm too creeped the **** out to.

RVAriverRAT88 9

Monday 17 June 2013 23:46

My condolences, but what a way to remember her.

aaronire 19

Monday 17 June 2013 23:46

Waste not want not???

ShoyuSauceSoup 26

Monday 17 June 2013 23:49

Wow. What an awful situation. May your sister rest in peace.

byron17 26

Monday 17 June 2013 23:53

sister?? what kinda family do you have?!?!?!

ShoyuSauceSoup 26

Monday 17 June 2013 23:54

Sorry, your grandmother. I don't even know why I typed "sister". Anyway, I'm sorry about the whole situation.

Schiffy 18

Monday 17 June 2013 23:55

Please allow 6-24 hours postmortem for delivery.

californianking1 8

Tuesday 18 June 2013 0:00

She was just dying to use it!

Norja 33

Tuesday 18 June 2013 0:02

Words fail me on this one...

SamanthaNGoree 10

Tuesday 18 June 2013 0:03

Everyone deserves a sex life...

rivaraven 35

Tuesday 18 June 2013 0:11

Oh god.

Keywords

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The Top

Today, my theatre studies professor played a soundscape, then had us write what we thought the meaning was. I thought it was a simulation of what schizophrenia was like. Turns out the teacher bet her friend she could convince us that a bunch of people speaking gibberish meant something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 698

You deserved it 581

Today, I dressed up nicely to see the guy that I like and have been talking to for the last 3 months. Just when I thought he was finally going to ask me to be his girlfriend, he told me that he's actually had a girlfriend for 3 years now, but was too afraid to tell me because he really likes me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 790

You deserved it 148

The Top

Today, I was called a pervert. On a phone sex line. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 664

You deserved it 56 814

Today, I went on a blind date. We had agreed on meeting in front of a park. Thinking I was there first, I texted her "I'm already there, sitting next to the fat chick." I heard a beep. SHE was the "fat chick." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 166

You deserved it 105 526

Today, I queued up for few hours in torrential rain to see the Harry Potter premiere. After just four hours sleep and waking at 3am, I fell asleep during film and missed the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 823

You deserved it 63 080

Today, I was on a plane when I suddenly felt the need to use the toilet. I didn't make it in time and I had to spend the remainder of my trip in soiled clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 852

You deserved it 16 269

Today, I was late for a job interview so I got a taxi to get there. Then the driver got lost and ended up taking me to the wrong address. By the time I got to the right location, I was 20 minutes late and had sweat stains on my shirt. To make matters worse, the interviewer was my ex who I had a messy breakup with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 896

You deserved it 191

Today, my dad told me he has been dating my boyfriend's mom while I was away at college. They have gotten pretty serious, and are thinking about getting married. I might be dating my stepbrother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 143 930

You deserved it 7 329