Intimacy: Uh oh

Uh oh

By awkward - 26/07/2013 18:00 - United States - Yorba Linda

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Instead of moaning like any normal person, he just kept saying stuff like "uh-huh," "not too bad," and "yup" in a complete monotone. It was probably the most uncomfortable experience of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 211

You deserved it 7 260

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

Acting is hard work

By S. Dub - 10/04/2020 05:00

Today, my boyfriend told me that I needed to moan louder so that he knew I was enjoying it. Reluctantly, I put a little 'umph' into my moans during the next round. He pulled out and said, "It's just awkward now." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 953

You deserved it 307

Waste

By Annie - 31/08/2011 03:17 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Two minutes in, he goes, "Wow, this is strenuous" and stopped. I waited three years for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 818

You deserved it 5 301

Turn off

By Anonymous - 03/11/2012 18:02 - Australia - Wembley

Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate with each other for the first time. He shoved his hand down my pants, touched about an inch away from my clitoris, and whispered, "Cummm" in my ear. I doubt I'll have an orgasm ever again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 034

You deserved it 4 250

Giggle loop

By Anonymous - 18/03/2010 10:39 - United States

Today, I decided it was time to lose my virginity to my boyfriend. After about ten minutes he started going faster and his stomach was slapping against mine. It was making a weird sound so I started laughing. Apparently that wasn't sexy and he went soft. My first time and we didn't even finish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 320

You deserved it 38 283

By Confused - 22/08/2012 16:33 - Spain - Madrid

Today, I finally had sex with my boyfriend. I had never gotten so far with a guy, so I was really nervous. He was careful, we tried different positions, "it was fun" and he came. I barely felt anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 767

You deserved it 4 416

By Anonymous - 15/01/2013 17:45 - United States

Today, I finally felt ready to have sex for the first time, with my boyfriend of nearly 8 months. When I told him, things became intimate and pants came off. He then looked at me and said, "Yeah, I can't do this." The rest of the night was spent in awkward silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 790

You deserved it 6 662

Romance isn't dead

By budda1368 - 09/10/2019 22:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. It was amazing, besides for the fact I barely felt him. I pretty much faked the entire thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 227

You deserved it 1 280

By Anonymous - 19/01/2016 11:03 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 306

You deserved it 2 763

Squelching the night away

By alison - 04/07/2015 05:02 - United States

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. All the magic vanished when I kept queefing every time he thrust into me. We made it about 10 seconds before he broke down into hysterical laughter and lost his boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 032

You deserved it 4 955

By Anonymous - 30/05/2009 14:19 - Australia

Today, I was having amazing sex with this guy I had been seeing for a while. It got really intense, so did my moans. Guys usually like when I moan, but he just put his hands over my mouth and told me to "shut up" because it sounded like "pig noises". FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 320

You deserved it 21 499

droidlover 14

Saturday 27 July 2013 0:13

Not too bad.

jajajapun 5

Saturday 27 July 2013 0:08

yup

Comments

oh_lordy_me 18

Saturday 27 July 2013 0:27

"Oh Leonard, you magnificent beast"

Pordexel 5

Saturday 27 July 2013 0:31

mmmh yeah... I'm gonna need you to come in Sunday, mkay?

challan 19

Saturday 27 July 2013 0:34

I would have pinned him under me, told him to shut the hell up, grabbed my breasts and ridden to pleasure town.

Fuji76 15

Saturday 27 July 2013 1:46

So umm Challan, I have a monotone sex voice.....are you busy Saturday nite? ;P

MagicStallion 9

Saturday 27 July 2013 5:33

63 - can't blame you for trying mate. Unlucky though.

vintaqe 28

Saturday 27 July 2013 7:13

Ain't no shame in your game!

tegraturbo2000 15

Saturday 27 July 2013 0:35

mood killer?

DocBastard 38

Saturday 27 July 2013 1:24

Know what else is a mood killer? Pointless shirtless profile pictures. Oh, and pull up your damned pants. No one wants to see your underwear.

tegraturbo2000 15

Saturday 27 July 2013 1:33

how about bottles up peoples ass

graceinsheepwear 33

Saturday 27 July 2013 2:06

The guy builds pools in Florida. Who knows if he even owns a shirt? Doesn't bother me one way or the other.

Sinistra_Blue 12

Saturday 27 July 2013 2:27

Its all fun and games to be snappy with Doc, until you have to go in for a prostate exam that is...

tj4234 35

Saturday 27 July 2013 0:41

Well to be fair, if it was because he wasn't finding it fun, it's because hardly anyone knows what they are doing during their first time. (I'm just assuming you were both virgins of course.) So just experiment and learn.

ridemyrocket 9

Saturday 27 July 2013 0:55

So what your saying is you slept with Ben Stein?

Abenti 8

Saturday 27 July 2013 0:59

Is your boyfriend Stephen Hawking?

mld4657 28

Saturday 27 July 2013 1:04

Keep calm have sex.

kurodansei 16

Saturday 27 July 2013 5:23

Appropriate profile pic is appropriate.

buttcramp 21

Saturday 27 July 2013 1:06

is he usually very monotone sounding doing even everyday tasks? lol if not, he was either trying to be funny or he was being an ass

littlekellilee 45

Saturday 27 July 2013 1:07

I was with a guy once who kept going "yeahhhhh" in the creepiest way, paired with staring at me with the creepiest look. I had to shut my eyes and think of something else. Needless to say, I didn't agree to another go. It's amazing how much sounds affect the situation.