intimacy

By TheFreyzy - 20/02/2015 07:40 - Switzerland

Today, I had sex with my girlfriend for the first time. Even after several hours I wasn't able to climax. My girlfriend now thinks that I don't like her body, and the reason I couldn't orgasm is because I don't like having sex with her. We spend the rest of the night in silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 990

You deserved it 6 782

AfroFluff tells us more.

AfroFluff 23

Saturday 21 February 2015 0:44

Hello everybody, here is your Afro OP. First I want to say thank you for all the ones who gave me helpful advise, also this happened a while ago. I wanted to see what you guys write because I felt like I am doing something wrong. Thank you guys who wasn't trying to criticise my girlfriend. She did not throw a tantrum, nor was she mad. Some of you are right, she is insecure and that makes her silent. Well let me tell you guys what happened afterwards so I can calm you all down :) We had sex again and again and let me tell you I am less nervous but I am still not able to cum xD. She understands though it has nothing to do with me disliking her body, we had a calm discussion. Thank you again for everybody who was supportive, to be honest I was shy to post my first FML and I did not expect so many people to comment! I am excited for the next post I will make. Who knows what it will be. Afro is with you all!

By heymacie - 19/02/2015 05:45 - United States - Lubbock

Today, I was at a family gathering with my boyfriend. Jokingly, my grandmother swatted my butt to get me to move. Out of habit, I moaned quite loudly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 978

You deserved it 38 287

By Anonymous - 17/02/2015 19:17 - United States

Today, I took my boyfriend to a family dinner. Not an hour later, I walked in on my sister giving him a handjob in her room. And what's worse, my first reaction was just to wonder why he'd bother cheating on me for just a handjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 507

You deserved it 4 096

Crushed

By foreveralone - 17/02/2015 15:48 - United States - Sherman

Today, I was talking to my best friend's brother after we drunkenly hooked up last night. I've had a crush on him for over a year. He ended up interrupting himself and said, "Please don't tell anyone about this. I don't want anyone to think we're dating or anything." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 270

You deserved it 6 416

By notdaddy - 16/02/2015 16:39 - United States - Houston

Today, while talking with my ex, I mentioned I was depressed about turning 40. He said he'd been depressed about turning 40 as well, until he started screwing hot 20-somethings. We were still together when he turned 40. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 142

You deserved it 4 465

Tense

By jessybear777 - 15/02/2015 03:41 - United States - Branson

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. I'm extremely uncomfortable with eye contact, but he kept staring into my eyes the entire time. I had to sing the F.U.N. song from Spongebob in my head to stop myself having an anxiety attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 223

You deserved it 6 464

I can't help it

By Anonymous - 14/02/2015 17:47 - Ireland

Today, my girlfriend wanted to roleplay as a schoolgirl. I was excited, until we started and she asked me to lick her "vajayjay". I cringed so hard, my skull practically caved in. I broke down laughing while trying to explain my cringing. Now she's pissed and I'm blue-balled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 238

You deserved it 11 935

We can tell

By Mkimmi - 12/02/2015 07:39 - United States - State College

Today, I had to fall asleep to my next-door neighbors having sex because our walls are paper thin. What bothered me the most wasn't listening to them doing it, but knowing that she was faking it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 321

You deserved it 3 722

By Yupppp. - 11/02/2015 06:25 - United States - Flushing

Today, my new boyfriend with whom I'm completely smitten called me and told me he had an early Valentine's Day gift for me. Gonorrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 338

You deserved it 5 294

By myself - 09/02/2015 13:32 - United States

Today, it's been about a week since my boyfriend started his new medication, which has essentially killed any sex drive he had. It has also been about two weeks since I stopped mine, making me hornier than ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 465

You deserved it 4 547

By Anonymous - 07/02/2015 11:51 - United States - Desoto

Today, hours after being turned down for sex, I woke up to my boyfriend sitting at the computer, jacking off to a picture of my deceased mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 779

You deserved it 4 654

By Anonymous - 07/02/2015 02:32 - Netherlands - Amsterdam

Today, my new boyfriend and I really wanted to have sex, but he went soft as soon as he entered me. This happens every time we try. I feel cursed by my year-long dry spell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 868

You deserved it 4 544

By MIB thingy please... - 05/02/2015 01:21 - United States - Oregon City

Today, my date dropped me off at home and briefly met my parents. As he was leaving he whispered into my ear, "I want to feel the inside of your vagina with the outside of my penis." My parents totally heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 992

You deserved it 5 573

By No thank you - 04/02/2015 20:17 - United States - Columbus

Today, I'm here to inform men that, "If I fucked you, I wouldn't pull out" is not an effective pick up line. Ever. Especially on a coworker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 759

You deserved it 6 298

By Grrrreat - 04/02/2015 15:16 - United Kingdom - Hatfield

Today, after a heavy make-out session, my boyfriend and I discovered his lips bruise really easily. This wouldn't be a problem except he's been telling people I hit him. He thinks it's hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 066

You deserved it 4 922

By StantheMan93 - 02/02/2015 23:59 - United States - Perrysburg

Today, my wife's boyfriend learned that you can't flush condoms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 150

You deserved it 3 596

By itsemilyc - 02/02/2015 19:34 - United States - Byron Center

Today, my boyfriend "accidentally" had sex with my roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 863

You deserved it 4 311

By SKYYYLLLARRRR!!!! - 01/02/2015 16:17 - United States - Gurnee

Today, my Breaking Bad-obsessed boyfriend actually used the phrase "I am the one who cocks" during foreplay. My vagina just about turned into a desert on the spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 355

You deserved it 4 302

By The Soul Of A Damned Queef - 31/01/2015 04:04 - United States - Dublin

Today, after telling my husband he can send me dirty texts any time, he sent me one from work. It said, "Babe when I get home, I'm gonna go 9/11 on your pussy ;)". I'm still not sure he understands why that was so offensive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 595

You deserved it 6 590

By Anonymous - 30/01/2015 23:31 - United States - Iowa City

Today, in the middle of sex with my boyfriend, my visiting brother knocked on the door saying he'd want to hear the details later. My boyfriend said, "Sure", and kept going. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 727

You deserved it 4 162

By Anonymous - 30/01/2015 20:16 - United States

Today, I walked in on my husband jacking off to a photo of himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 200

You deserved it 4 507

By Chemist-why - 30/01/2015 15:11 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my fiancé and I were having sex. In the middle of it he said, "I want us to be covalent bonds". I didn't understand what he meant, and he actually stopped to explain it to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 581

You deserved it 8 896

Pure animal magnetism

By Anonymous - 29/01/2015 21:17 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I had a one-night stand. After holding in my farts all night, as you should, I decided enough was enough and tried to calmly let one slip out. One did not calmly slip out; instead I shat myself in her bed. I was naked at the time, so was unable to hide it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 160

You deserved it 16 873

By Anonymous - 29/01/2015 19:18 - United States - Dearborn

Today, I found out that the guy I've been sleeping with is my mom's gynecologist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 444

You deserved it 4 729

By Anonymous - 27/01/2015 01:43 - United States - Richmond

Today, as a volunteer tutor, I met up with a girl who needed help with calculus. When I introduced myself, she wrinkled up her face and said, "I'd hoped you'd be hotter." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 805

You deserved it 2 782

By Orgasmataz - 25/01/2015 22:10 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, I found out that, due to the walls at my uni dorm being ridiculously thin, my entire flat overheard me lose my virginity. Spanking and all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 467

You deserved it 10 563

Orgasmataz tells us more.

Orgasmataz 0

Monday 26 January 2015 20:13

OP here! We did have some music playing actually...I don't think my flatmates will be listening to Jake Bugg for a while haha

Confusing family

By confused - 25/01/2015 03:26 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, my mom came into my room to yell at me because she thought she heard me having sex, saying I'm too young for it. I'm 23 and I wasn't having sex. The noises were from my dad watching porn in the next room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 364

You deserved it 2 969

By Anonymous - 24/01/2015 14:33 - United States - Canyon Country

Today, I walked in on my mom blow-drying my grinning dad's pubes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 286

You deserved it 4 580

By Anonymous - 24/01/2015 07:57 - United States - Houston

Today, at dinner, my downstairs neighbors described how they can hear most of my movements, including the buzz of my phone when I text late at night. I think all of us knew that it's not my phone that's vibrating at that time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 508

You deserved it 5 976

By xoragebaby - 24/01/2015 01:29 - United States

Today, I realized my job working with food is getting to me. While having sex with my boyfriend, I fell asleep. He asked me what I was doing, and apparently I sleep-talked, saying "I'm chopping lettuce". FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 723

You deserved it 5 046

Keywords

Money Christmas Gifts Relatable Lonely Health Family Awkward Miscellaneous Technology Social Media Narcissistic parents Holidays Drunk Love Poopoo peepee Dogs Animals Annoying My ex Work Religion Shopping AITA Intimacy Cheating Am I overreacting? Break-ups Furniture Delivery

The Top

Today, at a party I bumped into a friend of my ex. We caught the same bus home. He started telling me about my ex's "totally insane" ex-girlfriend. He refused to believe me when I told him he was talking about me. I had to sit there for half an hour as my personality was ripped to shreds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 179

You deserved it 5 878

Today, nine weeks after giving birth, my husband and I finally tried to have sex since a friend was watching the baby. Not only could I not get wet due to hormones, but as soon as he got back from buying lube, his drunk brother called needing a ride from the bar. No sex for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 218

You deserved it 328

The Top

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, because he thought he heard another guy in the room when he called me, and that I'm cheating on him. The guy he heard was a character from a cartoon my sister was watching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 311

You deserved it 3 530

Today, my ex texted me being all flirty and sexual and yet was never like that when we were together. Not long later, his new girlfriend messaged me saying, "Stop messaging my man, he doesn't want you back." FML

I agree, your life sucks 407

You deserved it 88

Today, I went to a going away party for a coworker. I had brought weed for the party and at one point a guy asked me if I have a Grindr. I replied, "No, I don't use those dating apps. I do have a Fetlife but that's it, if you want it." He apparently meant a weed grinder. Most awkward 3 hours ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 569

You deserved it 1 293

Today, my house was pelted with rotten eggs. Apparently, my daughter and her friends are bullying a boy in her class. So, his older brother set out for revenge. According to the threatening note he left, "This is just the start if they don't leave him alone." My daughter thinks this means she should bully harder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 419

You deserved it 1 723

Today, I went to dinner with my girlfriend of 2 months. This would have been great, had I not been nodding absentmindedly when she suggested that we start planning our wedding soon, because "she's always dreamt of being married on the same day as Brad and Angelina." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 980

You deserved it 25 691

Today, I woke up after a dream where I got it good from none other than Arnold Schwarzenegger. The problem? I'm a guy, and straight. Apparently my subconscious has a fetish for old Austrian bodybuilders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 064

You deserved it 6 654