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Hiii... My bathroom is insanely tiny. Think airplane bathroom small; I can lean over from the toilet to reach the sink/trash can, so...I was leaning over from the toilet. Fail, I know. Lesson learned. Also, my door doesn't completely shut so he can pry it open. Ehh, or he cries and well...I feel bad. I've given up on keeping him out. : On a lighter note, it doesn't hurt anymore. Also, he's cute enough that I forgive him. :)

By sadguy - 22/09/2009 18:30 - Czech Republic

Today, I decided to propose to my girlfriend on the Charles Bridge in Prague. A little boy thought it would be fun to chase a flock of pigeons towards me. I freaked out and dropped the 2 carat diamond ring. Into the river. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 752

You deserved it 10 985

By wtf mom - 31/05/2013 04:20 - United States - Santa Cruz

Today, my very drunk mom called me to confess that she was the girl that my boyfriend left me for two years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 751

You deserved it 3 536

Can't win

By Jobless - 12/03/2009 09:01 - Malaysia

Today, my boss wanted to promote me to a managerial position. I declined the position, saying that I don't think I'm ready and experienced enough for that role. I was then fired instead for not accepting the promotion. I was fired for being honest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 738

You deserved it 26 545

Thanks, I hate it

By Anonymous - 26/05/2009 09:18 - Greece

Today, I hired an exterminator to get the roaches out of the house I'm renting. I came back from work and went to my bathroom, noticing that he used the plunger to unclog the toilet after he took a dump. After $150, there was shit all over my floor and plunger, and roaches still in my kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 727

You deserved it 3 831

By Noname - 08/03/2009 04:28 - United States

Today, I opened my birthday present from my grandfather. It was a map of the USA color coded by regional percentage of available men. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 725

You deserved it 4 489

By fatty - 07/06/2009 02:14 - United States

Today, my friend was complaining about how fat she was. To make her feel better I said, "Psh, you're not fat! In fact we're about the same weight!" She looked at me for a second, then burst into tears sobbing, "I'm fat! I'm fat!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 722

You deserved it 10 588

By why yes, I do mean "ex-boyfriend" - 17/08/2013 22:40 - Netherlands - Oosterwolde

Today, I got sent home early because a large fire broke out at work. I was greeted by the sight of my cocktard of a "boyfriend" making out on my sofa with another woman. He actually had the audacity and brass balls to claim he thought she was me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 713

You deserved it 4 275

By wishbone - 14/04/2009 20:41 - Canada

Today, a cute boy told me I looked like a celebrity. Flattered, I asked who I resembled. He responded by saying that I looked exactly like Ugly Betty. He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 701

You deserved it 5 658

Keeping it in the family

By Drew - 05/08/2010 05:18 - United States

Today, I discovered that my mom is having an affair… with her cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 697

You deserved it 4 352

New, from Goop

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, after a nap, I went to scratch my eye and felt what I presumed to be a clump of mascara on my eyelash. I didn't wear mascara today. It was a tick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 681

You deserved it 3 936

By Lelia701 - 05/05/2009 13:55 - United States

Today, after living with my mom for years to save money I finally moved into my first condo. The day after I made my first mortgage payment the sewage system back up and leaked into my bedroom from outside, ruining the carpets and the walls. I have to move back in with my mom until it’s fixed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 677

You deserved it 3 404

Lelia701 tells us more.

Lelia701 0

Wednesday 6 May 2009 16:47

Why does everyone think only a guy can buy a home? You know what they say about people who assume. 1. I’m female. 2. I’m a 25 year old graduate student with plenty of friends and wouldn’t even know how to play D&D. 3. I live in a city where buying a house in a nice area would cost 3 times as much so duh of course I bought a condo. . But thanks to those who understand what its like to have shit attack your house! The adjuster comes today at least.

By Kaboom - 21/04/2009 12:52 - Canada

Today, I went out for a smoke break. A homeless person walks up to me and asks for a cig. As I pull out my pack he says "Oh... Menthols... no I don't smoke that cheap shit". I was called cheap by a hobo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 670

You deserved it 19 670