All the FMLs

Hi, OP here. I guess I should explain this a little better. On the last day of school, we have a big awards assembly and then hand out yearbooks at the end. Our yearbooks always have a theme and the people in charge do a little skit at the end of the assembly. Our theme this year is fairy tales, thus the unicorn costume (our mascot isn't a rainbow unicorn lol). I'm editor in chief so I can't just back out, and the other people involved are really excited about the skit, so I'd hurt their feelings if I told them how stupid I think it is. I ended up trying to get out of it by telling them I couldn't make it to the rehearsal, but they just switched my part to the narrator. Not quite what I was hoping for, but at least I don't have to do anything embarrassing. You guys' comments made me laugh, and for all the people who said they would love to dress up as a unicorn, to each their own I guess!

By PsychoBillyGoat - 26/05/2014 00:47 - United States - Anchorage

Today, my wife's cat ran away. After spending a lot of money making "Lost Cat" flyers and driving around for hours passing them out and searching for her cat, he walked downstairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 045

You deserved it 9 821

PsychoBillyGoat tells us more.

PsychoBillyGoat 23

Monday 26 May 2014 20:13

My wife was worried about the cat because he is elderly and needs meds every 12 hours. He also has no claws ( we got him that way). He has never been outside before but lately he has been trying to get out. Also we live in Alaska, more to worry about then cars and dogs getting him

By kalamar5 - 25/05/2014 20:54 - Norway - Sarpsborg

Today, my boss bitched me out for doing some random web browsing while waiting for some documents I needed to arrive, then went back to his desk and went on Facebook, thinking I couldn't see. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 826

You deserved it 5 469

By aww, such a nice guy. NOT - 25/05/2014 17:46 - United States - Dodge City

Today, the previously charming guy I've been seeing for the past two weeks tried to introduce a weekly sex quota into our relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 407

You deserved it 6 648

By 5p4571k - 25/05/2014 17:35 - Canada - Chilliwack

Today, I was cooking dinner for my children, managing for once not to screw up and hurt myself. Then, while chopping vegetables, I accidentally sliced my finger open. The same finger that was still covered in juice from a lemon I'd just squeezed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 968

You deserved it 7 580

Smells like teen shit

By great 1st impression - 25/05/2014 16:09 - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time over dinner. I had to use the bathroom part way through, and ended up taking the foulest dump of my life. I cracked open a window on my way out, but my boyfriend's dad went in soon after, quickly retching and booming, "What the fuck?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 969

You deserved it 7 926

By HomicidalPegasus - 25/05/2014 15:50 - United States - Bethalto

Today, my girlfriend and I got into an argument while she was in the bathroom. I told her I was leaving her because she's too needy. She came out of the bathroom and threw her used tampon at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 280

You deserved it 36 244

By Congrats to me - 24/05/2014 23:57 - United States - Canton

Today, the only person in my entire family to show up sober and on time to my graduation was my grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 716

You deserved it 4 153

By NaCl - 24/05/2014 21:20 - United States - Duluth

Today, my mother-in-law came over for dinner. She decided to salt the food I was preparing without even tasting it first, then complained at dinner that I'd used too much salt. She then lectured me on the proper seasoning of food for the rest of the evening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 707

You deserved it 4 068

By thankssiren - 24/05/2014 20:44 - United Kingdom - Sandiacre

Today, my friend started his first day of work with me. I thought it'd be fun, but he's been putting on an obnoxious fake French accent and saying "merde" whenever anything goes wrong. Half the women at the office want his dick, and I'm still as single as ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 425

You deserved it 5 995

Nice try

By groundedasfuck - 24/05/2014 20:24 - United States - Bessemer

Today, I snuck out of the house to go to a party. When I got back later, I tried climbing back up the rope-ladder I'd set up earlier, leading back through my bedroom window. I was halfway up when it broke free. I sprained both my ankles and had to shamefully ring the doorbell to get back in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 105

You deserved it 55 185

GG then

By Anonymous - 24/05/2014 19:31 - United States - Round Rock

Today, my grandma was diagnosed with lung cancer. We're very close, and I called my boyfriend, really needing some support. I'd barely told him what had happened, when he replied, "Babe, I'm in the middle of a game here. Call me later." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 345

You deserved it 6 649

Abort test! Abort test!

By Lindsey - 24/05/2014 15:22 - United States

Today, I took my driving test. I had pulled out of my three point turn in a neighborhood and started driving again, thinking something wasn't quite right. The lady testing me looked over at me and said, "Sweetie, you're driving on the wrong side of the road." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 259

You deserved it 20 827

Ungrateful!

By lifesabitch2016 - 24/05/2014 06:23 - United States - Moses Lake

Today, I explained to my dad that I had spent over three hours baking, frosting, and decorating a cake from scratch and how proud I was of it. Without even looking up at me, he replied, "You really need a boyfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 527

You deserved it 5 519

By SE011194 - 24/05/2014 06:14 - United States - Atlanta

Today, my boyfriend told me that the girl he really likes sees me as a threat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 499

You deserved it 5 092

Ouch

By Anonymous - 24/05/2014 06:08 - United States

Today, I had a spur of the moment idea to go have my nose pierced. The piercer made sure to tell me how easily the little stud could get caught or hung up. I spent all day stressing over it only to scratch my nose and rip it out. Now I have a $40 bleeding hole in my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 843

You deserved it 37 052

By ThisIsWhyIStayAtHome - 24/05/2014 00:09 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I was at a nightclub when some dick squeezed the ass of the girl beside me. She whirled around and started yelling and slapping me across the face. I was dragged out by the bouncers, to cheers from the people around us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 323

You deserved it 3 408

By nikaea - 23/05/2014 22:44 - United States - Everett

Today, some girl's mom gave me a load of abuse for endangering her daughter's health. How? By deleting my Facebook account, which caused her to have a serious panic attack. Apparently she thought we were best friends, and that I was ditching her. I'm confused too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 907

You deserved it 3 560

Tailgate party

By Anonymous - 23/05/2014 22:06 - Canada - Oakville

Today, while driving home, some idiot kept tailgating me, so I slowed down, hoping he'd overtake me. He didn't, so I pulled to the side of the road. He did the same, in front of me. He kept toying with me until I crashed into another car trying to speed away from him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 602

You deserved it 15 896

By idontevencareanymore - 23/05/2014 21:25 - United States - Jarrell

Today, my mom came home drunk and crying, so I tried to comfort her and asked what was wrong. She wasted no time admitting that she'd hooked up with her ex-husband, AKA my dad, but that it'd sucked for her because he has a tiny penis. Thanks, I really needed to know that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 206

You deserved it 4 704

By todaddy - 23/05/2014 19:32 - United Kingdom

Today, my 5-year-old son woke up early and ran into my bedroom to wake me up. Unfortunately, he did this by jumping onto my bed, slamming his knee into my balls in the process. I had to explain my tears of agony away by claiming I was just so happy to see him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 217

You deserved it 4 774

The road to hell

By notgoodwitholdpeople - 23/05/2014 16:00 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, an old lady fell in the street, and I rushed to help her. As I tried to help her to her feet, she started screaming, "She pushed me! She pushed me!" I froze up in shock, and ended up being chased by some guy who thought I'd attacked her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 846

You deserved it 3 117

By IntoTheClouds - 23/05/2014 02:32 - United States - Burlington

Today, five minutes before closing, a woman came in to buy over $300 worth of clothing from the sales rack. My manager and I had to ring it all up, de-sensor it, fold it, bag it, etc. After it was all rung up, her credit card was declined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 097

You deserved it 4 607

IntoTheClouds tells us more.

IntoTheClouds 42

Friday 23 May 2014 14:18

So I couldn't fit the whole story into the FML, but we actually didn't have to re-stock everything (and for the record, there was a huge sale going on, so she got, like, fifty shirts). Her credit card got declined. She then tried writing a check, but her check was apparently declined (my manager had taken over the register at that point). She spent ten minutes calling her friends, who were in the mall, to get them to come and help, but none of them came, and then she tried another credit card she had, and finally it went through. It was extremely frustrating, because my manager and I missed the bus, which we needed to get home.

By ashlan - 23/05/2014 00:54 - United States

Today, a customer left a Starbucks card in the tip jar at work. It was empty. I work at Starbucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 328

You deserved it 4 384