Intimacy

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By notagyno - 29/03/2013 14:19 - Romania - Bucharest

Spicy

Today, I realized how badly medical education has ruined me when I couldn't enjoy erotic literature because of one subtle anatomy mistake the author made. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 869

You deserved it 9 127

Crank

By Anonymous - 29/03/2013 04:11 - United States - Houston

Spicy

Today, I realized that I'm so lonely I can no longer whack off without bursting into tears and crying like a little bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 722

You deserved it 21 481

By Hooker - 28/03/2013 23:58 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was on a girls' trip in Las Vegas. I met a cute guy at a bar and we were going back to his hotel room together. On the way up, he asked me how much it would cost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 077

You deserved it 20 757

Reveal

By everyoneheard - 28/03/2013 15:11 - United Kingdom - London

Spicy

Today, I was eating out with a group of friends and my boyfriend. During the meal, I accidentally took a sip from my male friend's glass. My boyfriend pointed and said, "Babe, you took his drink." My friend responded by putting his arm round me and saying, "Whatever, I took her virginity." FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 109

You deserved it 18 243

By Bigfatfailure - 28/03/2013 10:02 - United States - Garden Grove

Spicy

Today, I got dumped during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 514

You deserved it 9 856

By couch_potato - 28/03/2013 07:53

Spicy

Today, I finished installing remote access CCTV cameras around my house due to the high rate of burglaries around my neighborhood. I turn it on to see my teenage son rubbing one out on the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 886

You deserved it 24 795

By anonymous - 27/03/2013 23:55 - United States - Honolulu

Spicy

Today, I awoke to my husband talking to someone on the phone at 2am. I heard him say, "Baby you're making me hard." Immediately, I asked him who he was talking to. His response? "It's Jake, from State Farm." FML

I agree, your life sucks 89 177

You deserved it 9 256

By Anonymous - 27/03/2013 18:26 - Canada - Red Deer

Spicy

Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm for the first time. She's a screamer. Her dog must have thought I was attacking her, because he immediately came over and started savaging me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 951

You deserved it 6 207

By Anonymous - 27/03/2013 16:54 - United States

Spicy

Today, I almost lost my virginity at the age of 34. After years of putting off sex and waiting for marriage, the moment arrived. My new wife could't stop laughing at how small I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 124

You deserved it 11 758

By SwinginSolo - 26/03/2013 12:07 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found out that what my husband meant by "we should try swinging" is "I really want to have sex with this one friend of yours, and if you so much as make eye contact with any guy I'm going to totally flip out and threaten to kill him and you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 859

You deserved it 7 211

By Tooloud - 24/03/2013 23:21 - Canada

Spicy

Today, my roommates decided to hold an intervention. They told me I would have to break up with my boyfriend because they don't want people having sex in our apartment during college exams. My boyfriend agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 097

You deserved it 5 762

By Anonymous - 23/03/2013 15:21 - Norway - Trondheim

Spicy

Today, I went to the airport after saying goodbye to my, for some reason, giggling boyfriend. I learnt why he was so cheerful when I opened my purse in front of the guards, only to find pink-furry handcuffs, and a huge dildo. They pretended not to know what it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 354

You deserved it 6 838

By nraecher - 23/03/2013 04:43 - Canada - Ajax

Spicy

Today, while making love to my boyfriend for the first time, I moaned his name. He freaked out over how I wasn't over my ex, and angrily left. They have the same name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 041

You deserved it 8 825

Bondage prank [GONE SEXUAL]

By ldn - 21/03/2013 17:54 - Slovenia - Domzale

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend confided in me that she wanted to try bondage. Since I trust her, I said sure. After I was tied to the bed, she tickled me until I pissed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 734

You deserved it 12 989

Nutella then?

By meeee - 21/03/2013 10:01 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I got into a serious argument and he stormed out of the house mad. Why? I wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of his knob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 381

You deserved it 17 955

Wanker

By Why son, why? - 20/03/2013 11:07 - United States

Spicy

Today, for the sixth time in a row, I was driving my kid to school and he made me late for work. Why? He was whacking off instead of getting ready. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 736

You deserved it 6 807

Surprised indeed

By fredo - 19/03/2013 12:31 - United States - Ames

Spicy

Today, I walked into the room naked while my wife was on the computer to surprise her. She smiled, put down her laptop and left for the bathroom so I started jerking it in anticipation. It was really feeling good until my wife's best friend, who was on Skype, started giggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 062

You deserved it 24 110

That's a hard no from me, dawg

By soontobesingle - 19/03/2013 11:30 - United States - Chicago

Spicy

Today, I found out that my gorgeous, smart, perfect new boyfriend has an unusual fetish. It doesn't involve me at all actually. Just a Labrador. This is probably a deal breaker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 157

You deserved it 5 008

Different strokes

By chickenmcnuggetgirl - 18/03/2013 18:10 - Ireland - Enfield

Spicy

Today, I found out my boyfriend has a chicken nugget fetish. He wants me to take a chicken nugget bath in a bikini. He seems to be dead serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 483

You deserved it 5 134

Works out well

By Ann - 18/03/2013 14:36 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend informed me that from now on during sex, I have to be on top at all times, saying I need the exercise more than him. As offensive as this was, I was actually happy because he's crap on top. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 515

You deserved it 9 233

By Susan - 18/03/2013 08:59 - Ireland

Spicy

Today, my parents asked me if I was sexually active. My grandma then screamed from upstairs, "She's not even physically active!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 687

You deserved it 16 032

By Anonymous - 16/03/2013 06:19 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend, when my upstairs neighbor decided to take the longest piss known to man. He moaned the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 675

You deserved it 4 836

By butnotlikethat - 16/03/2013 00:05 - China - Nanchang

Spicy

Today, my grandma gave me a sex talk. Not the usual one, either. This one was about blowjobs. I had to sit politely as she explained it's something all women have to learn if they want a well-behaved husband, but that it's an "acquired taste". Gag me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 989

You deserved it 6 237

By Anonymous - 15/03/2013 10:28 - United Kingdom - London

Spicy

Today, while I was going down on my husband, our 3-year-old daughter woke up and started crying from the other room. He practically burst into tears too, whining that she was doing it on purpose to ruin his fun. He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 932

You deserved it 6 211

By Anonymous - 14/03/2013 16:59 - Germany - Dortmund

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were going to get intimate, so I masturbated before leaving my place, hoping it would help me last longer than usual. 10 minutes in, she shoved me off and started screaming at me, convinced that I've been cheating on her and practising with someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 730

You deserved it 10 555

Dirty mind

By wow - 14/03/2013 15:43 - United States - Gilbert

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend got angry and threatened to dump me, all because I wouldn't give in to his demands not to go to a birthday sleepover with my friends. He seriously thinks it's going to turn into some kind of lesbian orgy and that I'll cheat on him. Thanks, PornHub. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 399

You deserved it 7 202

By howaboutno - 14/03/2013 09:02 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend, whom I haven't heard from in a whole month, turned up at my door because it was apparently "steak and blowjob day." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 520

You deserved it 8 697

By WhyDoINeedAName - 13/03/2013 19:51 - Canada - Okotoks

Spicy

Today, as always, I'm dating one of the few girls who, without fail, always finishes first when we get intimate. She's also one of those girlfriends who doesn't want to continue once she's done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 489

You deserved it 8 203

By OptimusVader - 13/03/2013 13:36 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was cleaning a house. While dusting a rickety nightstand, a drawer fell open and a light-up dildo fell out and turned on. I couldn't figure out how to turn it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 801

You deserved it 4 774

OptimusVader tells us more.

OptimusVader 23

Wednesday 13 March 2013 20:00

Well I did mention it was rickety. It rocked while I dusted and it was just poorly made, overall. It tilted forward, the drawer slid out and I couldn't catch it in time. Then BAM! Sudden singing light show from an old woman's rabbit.

By Anonymous - 12/03/2013 18:27 - United States - Westerville

Spicy

Today, my fiancé had to perform his first prostate exam. He told me he was quite nervous about it, so I reminded him that he did fine on his first pelvic exam last month. His response: "Yeah, but I've had my hands up plenty of vaginas already." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 713

You deserved it 6 189

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, my girlfriend left her phone on a bus. With no way to pick it up, I drove 40 miles through Friday night Boston traffic to get it from the bus company office. It took me four hours. Bored in traffic, I discovered the texts from her other boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87 718

You deserved it 5 036

Today, I finally got my boyfriend to watch one of my favorite TV shows. I was excitedly talking when he interrupted me and angrily said, "Can you stop with the fucking spoilers?" I then realized I'd spoiled half the show. He left to play video games. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 727

The Top

Today, as I was laying down to sleep, I grabbed my covers and realized the cat pissed on them and on my body pillow. Now I'm up at 1 a.m. doing laundry so I can have clean bedding and my kids are awake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 201

You deserved it 440

Today, I had sex for the first time. Now my girlfriend won't talk to me because I don't think she is pretty enough since I "wanted it to be over so fast". FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 239

You deserved it 3 075

Today, I attended my mother's funeral. My husband came too, and during the service, I kept hearing him giggling. I wrote it off as the usual awkward nerves, until he started snorting too, and I caught sight of the iPhone under his jacket. He was reading this very site. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 605

You deserved it 4 592

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend doesn’t have me as a pinned text message thread on his phone. But he definitely has his female best friend pinned. He even has a cute nickname for her. The girl he says, "Not to worry about." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 063

You deserved it 247

Today, I'm so broke that I got buyer's remorse after buying a $2 bottle of pancake syrup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 674

You deserved it 2 734

Today, I was chosen by my coworkers to explain to my elderly boss that ''tossing the salad'' isn't another expression for saying ''brainstorming''. She didn't believe me. Guess we will all keep ''tossing the salad'' for new ideas each afternoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 195

You deserved it 3 289