Miscellaneous

By wtf did he do - 19/07/2015 09:02 - United States - Anchorage

Today, while in the waiting room at the dentist's office, I looked up at the news on the TV to see my husband's mugshot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 879

You deserved it 2 271

By Anonymous - 19/07/2015 06:49 - United Kingdom - Middlewich

Today, I was talking to my friend, who was telling me he's having suicidal thoughts lately. He then said he'd be back in a few minutes. Nearly an hour passed. I panicked, thinking he'd offed himself. Several minutes after I called the emergency services, he messaged me, saying "K, back." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 443

You deserved it 3 247

By Anonymous - 19/07/2015 05:05 - United States

Today, I spent hours cooking a big dinner for my parents for the first time. I guess I made the steak too rare, because when my dad cut into it, he said "Christ! This thing's practically alive!" and said a skilled vet could probably bring the cow it was cut from back to life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 130

You deserved it 3 910

By River - 18/07/2015 04:08 - Oranjestad

Today, my boyfriend's idiotic friend shoved me into a stream so I could be "reunited" with my family, since my name is River. The first thing I saw as I climbed out, soaking wet, was my boyfriend high-fiving his friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 588

You deserved it 2 797

By yep, she does have a tumblr - 18/07/2015 02:26 - United States - San Francisco

Today, a girl called me a racist, stereotyping asshole. All I did was ask a kid who happens to be Asian to tutor me in math. Which I didn't do just because he's Asian, but rather because he's in college and is actually a brilliant mathematician. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 537

You deserved it 2 131

By Anonymous - 17/07/2015 22:24 - Canada - Sackville

Today, my crazy drug-addict mother kicked me out of the house after siding with my crazy, drug-addict aunt, who'd just threatened to slit my throat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 093

You deserved it 2 017

Nature is healing

By IssacB - 17/07/2015 17:56 - United States

Today, I came home after just 3 weeks of being away. It seems like my pool now has its own mini-ecosystem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 884

You deserved it 5 505

By is cum a fruit or a vegetable? - 17/07/2015 17:50 - United States - Germantown

Today, my grandpa saw one of the paintings in the guest room at my house. "What the fuck?" he snorted, then said whoever painted it should "stick to their damn day job". I painted it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 832

You deserved it 2 640

By damnnn - 17/07/2015 12:40 - Australia

Today, I was standing on a step ladder to reach the batteries on top of my fridge so I could change the ones in my TV remote. My sister thought it would be funny to shake the ladder and see what would happen. I now have a broken leg and a TV remote with dead batteries in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 890

You deserved it 2 029

By Queensland - 17/07/2015 04:12 - Australia

Today, I witnessed the most awful park job ever. Without thinking, I found a piece of paper and wrote on the back, "Nice park, asshole". Turns out it was an old airline boarding pass, and my name, address and phone number were neatly displayed with the message. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 369

You deserved it 38 783

Queensland tells us more.

Queensland 27

Sunday 19 July 2015 0:58

Hey guys OP here. No stabbings or death threats as of yet, but still keeping low for a few days. Additionally, I highly doubt that the vehicle owner would come to my house as this happened in Sydney and I live in Brisbane! When I get back home, however, I assume I'll have a letter or two... :) I'm not too worried though. The idiot is a Subaru driver, he'll probably pussy out. P.S. Up the maroons!!

By Boneo and Juliet - 16/07/2015 19:22 - United States - Amherst

Today, I accidentally texted the girl I like, "Oh god, I just choked on a boner." I meant bone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 841

You deserved it 5 013

By Anonymous - 16/07/2015 19:16 - United States

Today, I saw my friend at the mall. He didn't see me, so I called him to say "Turn around." He took one look at his phone, snorted loudly enough for me to hear from way off, and put it back in his pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 915

You deserved it 2 420

By Razz - 15/07/2015 22:02 - Australia - Lilydale

Today, I got fired, apparently for being racist to black people. When I told my boyfriend, he couldn't stop laughing. He's black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 507

You deserved it 3 391

Hostus mostus

By trappedinmyownhome - 15/07/2015 02:11

Today, I was having a dinner party. My guests were getting along really well. I mean, really well; it turns out they all went to the same high school. For the next five hours, I hosted a high school reunion for a school I didn't even go to, in my own home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 563

You deserved it 2 837

By ArtemisRwill - 14/07/2015 20:16 - United States - San Francisco

Today, after working a double shift, I got home to total pandemonium. My dogs had crapped all over the house, my kitchen was soaking wet, etc. My mother, who just moved in with me, was sitting on the couch, saying she had no idea what happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 346

You deserved it 2 096

ArtemisRwill tells us more.

ArtemisRwill 22

Wednesday 15 July 2015 20:15

Hey. First off, my mom moved in with me because she lost her job and couldn't afford her apartment anymore. I live in a 3 bedroom house, so I was being nice and let her move in. She has no ailments. Second, my dogs have a door that is open into a dog run. I can't do a dog door because I have a Great Dane and a Bully Pit. I live about 5 minutes from work. I go home at lunch everyday. I couldn't yesterday because I was covering for 2 sick coworkers. Third, my dogs crapped all over the house because SOMEONE shut their door. And my kitchen was speaking wet (with water) because SOMEONE burned their lunch and instead of using the fire extinguisher, that went outside and grabbed the garden hose. After I had to clean everything up, BY MY SELF, my mom finally fessed up. I'm trying to get my sister to take her so that I and my dogs can live in peace again.

By Anonymous - 14/07/2015 17:00 - United States - Bonita Springs

Today, I had to listen to Lou Bega's 'Mambo Number 5' on constant replay for 3 hours, because my little sister was trying to learn a dance for a recital. It would have been even longer than 3 hours, but she then realized that she was dancing to the wrong song. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 835

You deserved it 1 743

By ramherr - 14/07/2015 00:30 - Sweden - Oxie

Today, while walking alone through a sketchy neighbourhood after a party, I learned that I look too broke to even rob and "not worth the bother". Overhead from a guy waiting for me in a bush with a flashlight and his equally charming friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 365

You deserved it 2 361

ramherr tells us more.

ramherr 11

Thursday 16 July 2015 0:02

Hi, OP here! I must say that I'm pleasantly surprised reading all these comments! A whole lot of you got humour too good to be true. Really brightens the day! Firstly no, I'm not complaining over not being mugged and that was not the intention of this FML, I simply think the fact that even muggers see someone as ''not worth the bother'' FML-worthy. But all and all I'd rather be seen as poor than stabbing material, all days of the week! To those of you wondering what I was wearing, it was a black tank top, jeans and a pair of shoes, nothing special.

By carl_carl_ - 13/07/2015 15:10 - United States - Wichita

Today, I was on a roller coaster behind a boy who vomited in front of me as the cart shot down. It splattered all over my arm, and a little on my cheek. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 828

You deserved it 2 200