Weird

Lonely girl

By MrBougie - 25/02/2024 13:00 - United States

Today, I bought a 37-pound sex doll on Amazon, just so I could cuddle it and cry myself to sleep, until she decides if she wants a divorce in three months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 318

You deserved it 300

Romance

By shortyybrooke - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, my wife sat beside me on the ledge of the bathtub because she wanted to make out. I was on the toilet. Shitting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 716

You deserved it 537

Mortifying

By Anonymous - 21/02/2024 00:00 - United States - San Ramon

Today, I was doing my nightly check of my daughter's phone since a recent stint in the psych hospital, and saw that she had fallen into a peaceful sleep to watching videos on a website dedicated to watching people die. FML

I agree, your life sucks 573

You deserved it 178

Unlucky 180

By Anonymous - 11/02/2024 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I’m in hospital because a pub dart fell from the sky, seemingly from nowhere, and stuck itself in the top of my skull. I was walking my dog, I wasn’t near any trees or any high buildings it could have fallen from. If someone threw it from where I couldn’t see them, it was a very lucky shot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 584

You deserved it 84

Snitched

By Anonymous - 10/02/2024 21:00

Today, I caught a grubby, evil-smelling, foul-mouthed woman blatantly shoplifting by stuffing electronics into her coat pockets, so I detained her and called the police. Less than an hour later I was fired. She was the shop owner's mother and “had permission” to just take stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 765

You deserved it 108

Red flag

By anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Elk River

Today, my boyfriend bought us plane tickets to Mexico for our "Honeymoon". This would be nice if he had proposed and if we'd been dating for longer than 2 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 279

You deserved it 3 732

Reported

By Anonymous - 05/02/2024 23:00 - United Kingdom

Today, police questioned me on behalf of my doctor, who couldn’t believe one person could use so much insulin, so he thinks I’m selling it to bodybuilders. I really do use it all myself, I use about 6 times as much as my sister who is also diabetic, and my diet is normal. I only weigh 10.5 stone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 510

You deserved it 118

Triangle

By Anonymous - 05/02/2024 09:00 - France - Paris

Today, after I started dating a guy and a girl simultaneously to keep my options open, they turned out to be siblings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 170

You deserved it 1 008

What the…?

By Anonymous - 05/02/2024 05:00

Today, my dad showed up at my house and offered to take me to my favorite restaurant. He drove me to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. He believes I only had my daughter, who I love with all my heart, because I drunkenly hooked up with a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 554

You deserved it 123

What did you do?

By Anonymous - 04/02/2024 05:00

Today, at my niece's christening, I was outside with family when we suddenly heard shouting and the priest pushing my husband outside while screaming, “GET OUT OF MY CHURCH!” Friar Tuck style. It’s been six hours and husband still won’t tell me what he did that upset a priest that badly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 591

You deserved it 127

Rivalry

By todd - 01/02/2024 05:00 - United States

Today, my girlfriend got fired from her job for arguing with her female coworker. I found out from a mutual friend that the reason they were arguing was because they were fighting over "a hot male coworker" who hooked up with the female coworker. I think I need to leave her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 671

You deserved it 107

Free Jazz

By Greg Towers - 30/01/2024 03:00 - United States - Plymouth Meeting

Today, I had to blow my nose at a jazz jam session. I blew my nose so hard that I blew the major third over a minor chord and everyone started throwing full bottles of beer at me. Fuck you. FML

I agree, your life sucks 179

You deserved it 419

They grow up so fast these days…

By Katie Howard - 29/01/2024 09:00 - United States - Louisville

Today, the car shop called me and told me an 8 year-old boy stole my car and wrecked it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 586

You deserved it 81

Confused?

By Anonymous - 25/01/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, after a day spent together, the police came to my girlfriend's place, telling me to leave without explanation. I'm now at a hotel, discovering she made false, negative statements about me in papers they provided. Despite recent love and commitment, it seems she wants to break up, leaving me confused and alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 543

You deserved it 118

Tense dinner

By Anonymous - 25/01/2024 00:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, I went to dinner with my husband's family to celebrate our nephew's birthday. He spent the entire dinner flirting with his sister, then got offended when I said that his behavior was weird. FML

I agree, your life sucks 535

You deserved it 157

Genetics

By lordoftheweird - 23/01/2024 13:00 - Canada

Today, my grandmother is shocked that literally all of her kids and grandkids have mental handicaps. She won't admit it's because her and my grandfather are first cousins, and is claiming instead it's, "because of gluten." FML

I agree, your life sucks 671

You deserved it 127

What?

By Anonymous - 21/01/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, I had to deal with my baby daddy, who I currently live with and was in a relationship with (but not anymore after today) cursed me out after someone who works for the county came to our home and served him papers. Mind you he’s been speaking on the phone with this person, and told them he would be home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 394

You deserved it 184

No kinkshaming

By Anonymous - 20/01/2024 13:00 - United States

Today, my wife told me she doesn’t understand why I’m uncomfortable with her being the moderator of “Sex Talk” forum, the top pinned message board of which is “Adultery Cuckolding.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 379

You deserved it 179

Weird flex, but OK

By Anon - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I actually took pleasure in sniffing my armpits after two days of not showering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 352

You deserved it 42 188

Why would you do this?

By harrassment101 - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, a female co-worker was struggling with a stack of boxes in her hands. Her pantyhose was falling down and she asked me to help her, so I pulled up her pantyhose. When I looked up, she had a horrified look on her face. She was asking me to help her hold the boxes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 561

You deserved it 57 400

Kinda weird

By Michelles Mom - 10/01/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, when my baby girl was born, my husband insisted we name her “Michelle” Michelle is the name of his coworker, who he potentially has a crush on. He insists that Michelle is strictly professional and he’d divorce me if I didn’t follow through with the name. Michelle is our new daughter’s name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 438

You deserved it 668

Bitterness

By Anonymous - 07/01/2024 22:00 - Sweden - Lidingoe

Today, I ran into a guy I haven't seen since high school. He started ranting about what an asshole I was for not inviting him to my birthday party when I was 12. We're 50 now, the party was cancelled because my granddad died, and we were not friends anyway, I just hung out with him as I felt sorry for him sometimes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 578

You deserved it 107

Customer of the day

By oped01 - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Cape Coral

Today, in a department store, a woman with a parrot sitting on her shoulder was trying to return a coffee maker. She explained that she had to return the coffee maker because the bird didn't like it sitting on the kitchen counter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 393

You deserved it 1 063

Welcome to the world

By 2nd place - 06/01/2024 11:00 - United States

Today, I realized my wife named our newborn son after her ex-boyfriend. This wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't the abusive, cheating, womanizer ex that she originally described when we first met. To make things better, he was the one that eventually cut her off, not the other way around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 639

You deserved it 112

My house, my rules

By lordoftheweird - 06/01/2024 06:00 - Canada - Kamloops

Today, I had to make a house rule for my extended family who live with me: No more incestuous sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 573

You deserved it 142

I didn't ask for this

By SoWhat - 06/01/2024 00:00 - Switzerland

Today, an annoying ex-coworker I have ignored for 15 years sent me an e-mail to "inform me of her new address." The e-mail actually enclosed a video of her touring the new house and garden like a realtor. I skipped to the end where she humblebrags about how "grateful" she is "to be blessed with this property." FML

I agree, your life sucks 435

You deserved it 118

Insensitive

By WTF?! - 04/01/2024 23:00 - United States

Today, I was the designated emotional support person for my friend's mom as she went to have her sick cat put down. The cat was aggressive towards the male vet. She said, "She doesn't like men" to which the vet replied, "Well, soon that won't be a problem." The willpower it took both of us to not yell at him, or worse… FML

I agree, your life sucks 500

You deserved it 273

The most wrong FML ever

By Anonymous - 04/01/2024 17:00 - United States

Today, it's common knowledge that Lana Del Rey is a no-talent hack. Yet, she has more daily Spotify streams than Ed Sheeran, Adele, Michael Jackson, Beyoncé, Bon Jovi, Radiohead, AC/DC, Robbie Williams, ABBA, Céline Dion, the Backstreet Boys, and the Beatles. Music is dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 169

You deserved it 888

Tricky social rules

By Acidcat - 31/12/2023 13:30 - India

Today, I asked my husband to spend New Year's with me watching a movie or maybe spending some time together. He said, "I can't upset my family by coming to celebrate New Year's with you." For context, we live separately because my Dad passed away and I can't leave my mum alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 534

You deserved it 211

Time for a change

By Lilly - 22/12/2023 00:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend is sulking and throwing things around. Apparently, the “love of his life” Demi Lovato got engaged. When I told him he’s overreacting over a celebrity and that I should be the love of his life, he punched a hole in the wall, screamed at me, and stormed out of the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 749

You deserved it 191

Keywords

Cats Poopoo peepee Gross Animals Awkward Smells Love Miscellaneous Embarrassing Painful Health First Dates Work Christmas Music Grieving Social Media Boredom Anniversary Intimacy Abuse Ironic Drunk AITA Am I overreacting? Transportation Alcohol Gun control Kids Parents

The Top

Today, my college instructor told me I hadn't actually failed a big exam as he originally said. It turns out he'd mixed me up with another student. Now thanks to the power of gossip, half my class thinks I slept with him so he'd switch my grade with the other student's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 693

You deserved it 1 361

Today, I was at work, a grocery store, and my manager came up to me while I was on my lunch break. He told me that a customer said someone in the parking lot had been loitering around the cars. I went outside to investigate and saw a drunk man pooping on the front of a car. That car was mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 471

You deserved it 1 271

The Top

Today, when I went to pick my kid up from daycare, I found out that he had run away. The rest of my afternoon consisted of me screaming his name, looking for him. I then returned to the daycare center. He thought it would be funny if he hid in the trash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 013

You deserved it 3 818

Today, a rat ran into my flat when I opened my front door. After chasing it around the house for a bit, I saw it run towards the open front door. I couldn't find it again, so I figured he'd left. Then I heard my heater shaking loudly, a horrific squeaking sound, and the fan shuddering to a stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 468

You deserved it 473

Today, I've hated being a parent ever since I was baby-trapped at 17, but I stuck through it and never let my son suspect how I really felt, and we have a great relationship now he’s an adult. Well he just moved out yesterday, and today my wife told me she’s pregnant. Here we fucking go again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 357

You deserved it 1 221

Today, I keep killing flies in my room, probably dozens on a daily basis, and yet every day there seems to be more of them. I have to sleep backwards in my bed so the droning of the fan drowns out the buzzing noise, or else I can't sleep. Even then, I sometimes jump awake when one lands on my ear, which is often. FML

I agree, your life sucks 708

You deserved it 196

Today, it's day 9 of my honeymoon. It's also day 8 of my period and day 7 of food poisoning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 070

You deserved it 2 090

Today, I was riding my dorm elevator from the 5th floor to the 1st by myself. Since the elevator is really slow, I pulled my pants and underwear down just for kicks. Just then, the door opened to let a girl on at the 4th floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 693

You deserved it 85 978