Nearly FMLs

By OnTheReceivingEnd - 09/03/2024 23:13 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I realized that every single story I've submitted to the FML site has been posted, without exception. I don't know whether to be pleased at the results, or depressed that my experiences have been so fully qualified to be on the site. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42

You deserved it 29

By Anonymous - 05/03/2024 23:40 - United States

Today, I was at a casual Magic the Gathering game at my local gaming store. The owner had a deck that generates a bunch of tokens every level. He didn't like that I endgamed a player on his team, so he sent all of his tokens after me. I played a card that cancels all damage and gives +1 life for each attacker. I'm banned for life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 20

By Anonymous - 05/03/2024 23:36 - United States - Waukesha

Today, I spent my birthday alone. I had only one person come, and I had three mental breakdowns. It makes me sad how I have zero to none friends, despite having tried over and over, and I can't. I hate my life, I hate myself for being born abnormal, it kills my self-esteem. I hate relying on people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 21

By Anonymous - 04/03/2024 14:19 - Philippines

Today, I like you. I want to confess to you personally, but I know you still haven't moved on. Every night in bed I would always wonder if I could be him. Someday I hope I can tell you about my feelings for you, but for now this will be enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15

You deserved it 51

By Anonymous - 01/03/2024 00:24 - United States

Today, I'm in a committed relationship, but I also have strong feelings for a girl I work with and she's also in a committed relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21

You deserved it 38

By FML - 23/02/2024 23:23 - United States - Steele

Today, if I had an FML account, I would probably be extremely close to or even have the badge for voting on every single FML on the website. I may need a hobby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42

You deserved it 20

By Anonymous - 19/02/2024 00:14 - United States - Stone Mountain

Today, whether my life improves or worsens, my mind and soul are dying. I don't know the last time I cried for any reason. I'm a black man in America. Guess I'll keep my head down, work hard, and love my family while patiently waiting for the lord to show me a better life. Tired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47

You deserved it 25

By Anonymous - 05/02/2024 01:24 - Canada

Today, I fucked up by telling my friends with benefits that I loved him, and that I would love to have his babies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22

You deserved it 81

By Jessica - 01/02/2024 23:01 - United States

Today, everyone in the whole school won’t stop calling me an idiot for being in a remedial math class. I’m in AP English. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 19

By MaknaeMelanie - 26/01/2024 14:36 - Japan - Kyoto

Today, I had enough of the glitches in this app, so I was gonna try to reinstall it, only to find out that I've been using an outdated app no longer in the App Store, which keeps crashing by even just trying to open comments… ever since there apparently was a new FML app. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21

You deserved it 31

By FML - 18/01/2024 23:01 - United States

Today, I woke up to the news that a sexist, fascist, white supremacist, wannabe dictator criminal won a historic victory in the first part of my country's election. Here we go again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 62

By Anonymous - 16/01/2024 23:35 - United States

Today, my wife threw a massive tantrum, saying she’d been home with the baby all day and that I’m ungrateful. What did I do to deserve this? Asked why she didn’t cut the crust off the sandwich she made me after I got home from work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14

You deserved it 193

By huge red flag right there - 14/01/2024 22:53 - United States

Today, I went to an Italian restaurant with a woman. Everything was going fine, until she said she didn’t want any grated parmesan on her pasta. I just got up and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13

You deserved it 140

By IDPLife - 10/01/2024 09:00 - Ethiopia

Today, after 9 months of war in my country and losing everything to it, I finally made it into a neighbouring country. On the road, the bus stopped at a checkpoint. I got off to buy water. On my way back, I found out someone pickpocketed my phone. I've had it for almost 5 years and it was the only pre-war item I still own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 98

You deserved it 17

By Anonymous - 07/01/2024 01:03 - United States - Warren

Today, my dad got laid off because there wasn't any work at the job on his shift. He's an old-fashioned person who's the only one in the house who has a job. Not sure what we're gonna do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51

You deserved it 23

By Anonymous - 28/12/2023 08:05 - Malawi - Lilongwe

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, a few days before or one year anniversary, all because he thinks that he isn't treating me right… but I feel like in the back of my mind that he could possibly be cheating on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 25

By Anonymous - 24/12/2023 06:54 - Croatia - Zagreb

Today, I realized that I'm falling in love with two different men and I don't know which one to choose, because they are both amazing in their own ways. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29

You deserved it 80

By Billiam - 17/12/2023 23:36 - United States

Today, I got the mail. Hmm, I wonder what I got. Yay, more bills! FML

I agree, your life sucks 24

You deserved it 41

By Sadrainindeed - 12/12/2023 06:22 - Germany - Frankfurt am Main

Today, another one of my pants was ripped in the crotch. Due to having big thighs, this happens to me a lot. I wear them for a short time, then they’re unwearable anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36

You deserved it 38

By Anonymous - 10/12/2023 23:35 - United States - Chicago

Today, while interviewing a 20-something for a job, he revealed he knew several nicknames for Anime and Pornography. One was Pornog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41

You deserved it 15

By Anonymous - 08/12/2023 23:00 - United States

Today, I was so bored I found that FML and 9GAG are still around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33

You deserved it 30

By Foong Mun Loong - 17/11/2023 13:50 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, like every day, I sign off as FML cos it’s my initials. F.M.L. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39

You deserved it 48

By Anonymous - 07/11/2023 06:02

Today, FML has not updated in weeks and I am getting nervous. Downloaded the updated app, no updates, now I miss the old app. I have been a loyal FML fan since high school which was 10 years ago. I hope new FMLs are coming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 24

By Ubehage - 29/10/2023 05:31 - Denmark - Risskov

Today, my cat said farewell and died. He went up in my face, demanding some love. Then he went over to his pillow, laid down and stopped breathing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 130

You deserved it 32

Piss off

By KaySchrages92 - 19/10/2023 16:25 - United States

Today, a neo-Nazi stopped me and commented on my blue eyes and blonde hair. He went on to explain that I could be "pure", and should follow him and other Aryans in the campaign to eliminate Jews, and other "abominations". Good thing he didn't see the Star of David necklace around my neck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 668

You deserved it 3 896

By Jessica - 19/10/2023 16:25 - United States

Today, I found out that two kids were able to, without much effort, convince my 16-year-old daughter that her friend's house was used to smuggle out Jews during WWII. His house was built in 2007. We also live in America. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 051

You deserved it 3 506

By in this day and age.... - 19/10/2023 16:25 - United States - Dallas

Today, the first words I heard from my "good, Christian" future mother-in-law included a salvo of curse words and a hushed rant about "them dirty Jews". I'm culturally Jewish. This bodes well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 193

You deserved it 1 826

By Anonymous - 19/10/2023 16:25 - United States - Spring

Today, my fiancé's mom was driving me to the store to pick up my wedding dress. A few minutes into the drive, she said the car's tank was nearly out of "Jews" and that she'd have to give it "a whole lotta gas", then chuckled to herself. She's well aware that I'm Jewish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 806

You deserved it 2 347

Touchy

By Anonymous - 19/10/2023 16:25

Today, I found out that my paper about World War 2 has led my teacher to believe that I hate Jews. I wrote my paper about the technological advances made during the war, and made no mention of Jews. She and I are both Jewish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 272

You deserved it 110

News from Twitter dot com?

By Fuck these people - 19/10/2023 16:25

Today, I encountered a massive racist internet troll who kept calling people "Jews" as an insult. My friend, who is actually Jewish, was so upset that he went on a massive rant of his own to make the troll shut up, and I supported him. Guess who got banned when a mod came in. Hint: It wasn't the troll. FML

I agree, your life sucks 852

You deserved it 293

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I went to the beach. I was in the ocean and I looked over my shoulder and saw a big black spot. Knowing that there were big crabs on the beach, I screamed. Everyone in the water heard including the lifeguards. It turns out it was just my shadow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 703

You deserved it 52 041

Today, I was about to leave for my honeymoon with my new husband, when he saw my deodorant in my bag. He picked it up and asked what it was. When I said it was deodorant, he gave me a confused look and said, "Girls don't wear deodorant." He actually believed that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 351

You deserved it 3 008

The Top

Today, I finally had sex with the guy I like, but I had to pee really bad. It got really wet down there, and he thought I squirted. I peed everywhere. I let him believe he made me squirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 382

You deserved it 757

Today, I was checking into a hotel with my boyfriend. A few minutes after we get to our room, the cops show up to our door asking to see some ID from the both of us. The hotel staff had called the cops on us because they thought I was underage and he was going to molest me. I'm 21 and he is 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 024

You deserved it 3 206

Today, I walked a student to an office on the other side of the school. I'm the kind of person who would rather make conversation than endure awkward silence, so I tried to talk to him. He just stared intently at my chest the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 970

You deserved it 6 645

Today, my car broke down on the highway, and I had to call for a tow truck. It finally showed up, only to break down too less than a mile later. Cue nearly freezing to death while we waited for help to arrive for the both of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 058

You deserved it 2 784

Today, my car horn got some sort of short and started beeping every 20 seconds or so. On the way to get it fixed, I got stuck in bumper to bumper traffic. Behind a cop car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 023

You deserved it 128

Today, I went to a Jack's Mannequin concert. I'd asked this girl I'm interested in to come with me, and she insisted that she had to bring her two year-old son with us. I'd told her it was no problem. Ten minutes into it, she said we needed to leave because it was too loud for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 061

You deserved it 10 169