Virginity and Intimacy: Absolute beginners - FML

Absolute beginners

By dancerr2210 - 09/06/2010 04:01 - United States

Spicy

Today, after making out with my boyfriend for the first time, it took me an hour to convince him he was still a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 279

You deserved it 6 969

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Same thing different taste

Nuts

By Anonymous - 15/09/2011 20:03 - United States

Spicy

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. Not only did he last just 2 minutes, he also sat there for a while afterwards, smacking his semi-erect penis in awe and saying, "Look, it's still hard! How crazy is that?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 879

You deserved it 6 151

By Anonymous - 10/03/2012 07:23 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I decided it was time to lose our virginity. After our clothes were removed, we spent 30 minutes trying to figure out how to actually have sex, and eventually gave up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 066

You deserved it 59 345

By Anonymous - 03/11/2012 01:23 - Canada - Bedford

Spicy

Today, I finally lost my virginity to my boyfriend. It hurt like hell, was over in less than a minute, and he tried to reuse the condom for a second round. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 048

You deserved it 6 090

By Lady Vulva - 19/09/2015 02:56

Spicy

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. It lasted about 20 seconds, and he cried during it. I later heard him telling his friends he'd given me a "damn good pounding" and "made her cum 3 times". I wish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 983

You deserved it 3 073

By EliseV - 03/11/2014 18:56 - United States - Chino Hills

Spicy

Today, I lost my virginity. In the middle of it, he just gave up and said he wasn't in the mood anymore. Then I had to listen about his past failed relationships for over an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 974

You deserved it 6 011

Testing the waters

By Anonymousss95 - 10/12/2011 12:03 - Sweden

Spicy

Today, I lost my virginity. Afterwards, he told me that he was only doing this because he wanted to know if he still truly loves his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 713

You deserved it 13 393

By Blueberrypicc - 13/08/2010 01:01 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was messing with my boyfriend in my basement. We are both virgins and he wanted to perform oral sex on me for the first time. Naked, we finally decided to try to have sex. We discovered the act is much harder than it may seem. We're both still virgins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 328

You deserved it 38 093

By Mini-wanker - 18/10/2011 17:34 - United States

Spicy

Today, after having had sex with my girlfriend for the first time the night before, she went to the doctor. He said she's still physically a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 548

You deserved it 8 867

By Alicia - 21/01/2010 05:02 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were trying to have sex for the first time. Not only did he struggle for five minutes to put on a condom (repeatedly snapping himself in the balls), but he then had to ask me "which hole" to put it in. I'm dating a thirty-four year old virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 393

You deserved it 6 349

Not a great start

By anon - 05/06/2021 02:01

Spicy

Today, after waiting to losing our virginity together, we finally did it, only for my boyfriend to claim he doesn't understand how people enjoy sex, since he found the waiting stressful, the sex awkward and undignified, the orgasm unimpressive and so sticky, he was desperate for a shower afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 518

You deserved it 218

Next

Top comments

lahp 0

Wednesday 9 June 2010 12:00

thats what you get for dating 6 year olds....

ThatLooksSticky 16

Wednesday 9 June 2010 12:27

Making out is kissing (each other's lips), and maybe "heavy petting" or "groping." Oral sex is using your mouth on another person's genitals, which usually aren't located on the face.

Comments

noobacabra 0

Wednesday 9 June 2010 21:40

116 if i ever end up having girls i plan on doing the same

jacketfootball 0

Wednesday 9 June 2010 23:18

virginity is not pride, it's a lack of opportunity

yearbookie12 0

Wednesday 9 June 2010 23:52

haha really? lack of oppurtunity? hahaha wow

SK25Reboo 0

Friday 11 June 2010 4:57

#133 was a win, lmao

tencentsakiss 19

Sunday 13 June 2010 18:25

I had plently of opportunity but still waited to be in love. imagine that

GlaoigharAirm 0

Wednesday 9 June 2010 23:24

Oh my...

yearbookie12 0

Wednesday 9 June 2010 23:49

ok, the guy is either really dumb or actually has no clue or he is playing like he is but really people do you have to say that they are like 5 and crap like that? that's really really stupid and all you people talking about sex...I think we know what it is...you don't have to tell us...geesh!!!

phippsy95 2

Wednesday 9 June 2010 23:56

does this just mean your a good kisser? barly FML

aback 4

Thursday 10 June 2010 1:23

So slam a ***** up his pooper and say, "Okay! NOW you're not a virgin!"

tj79 3

Thursday 10 June 2010 1:26

you should have told him that not only is he not still a virgin, but he also might be a new daddy for not using protection. I told a friend that called me after an@l sex that there has been an alarming increase in an@l conceptions. it was priceless lol

claiiire_fml 17

Thursday 10 June 2010 8:22

*anal

baybaylover1 0

Thursday 10 June 2010 2:12

did u say THE PENIS HAS TO GO IN. THE ******

Mirelly13 6

Thursday 10 June 2010 2:17

when I was 5 my mom told me that when I kiss a boy I automatically get pregnate and die....really random sorry

nonoperational 0

Thursday 10 June 2010 3:05

DUMP.HIM. (:

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The Top

Today, I woke up at 5 a.m. because my throat was swelling up. I called 911 and they determined that I would live, so I took two Benadryl and slept all day. Then I went to urgent care for my scheduled appointment time and tested positive for Covid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 859

You deserved it 215

Today, I was babysitting this 12 year old. We were watching a movie, and he was being an angel just laying with his head in my lap. He fell asleep so I closed my eyes and had a little nap. When I woke up he had taken my shirt off and was feeling up my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 528

You deserved it 15 073

The Top

Today, thanks to 10 months of lockdown, the most intimate thing I have done on a Saturday night during this time is use a hobby knife to cut 1/4" thick calluses off my feet. I don't even walk anywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 724

You deserved it 190

Today, not only is my son a bully, but he's dumb enough to bully a kid whose parents both do martial arts. His mom is a cage fighter and his step-dad is a kickboxer. They're both huge, terrifying, and pissed off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 149

You deserved it 580

Today, I went to my boss with a major problem with our distribution software. His response was, "Oh, that is a big problem… Unfortunately it's now 5:31 p.m. and I'm officially on leave and going to Hawaii for three weeks, so it’s not my big problem. It’s yours." FML

I agree, your life sucks 415

You deserved it 108

Today, I have dentures, wear bifocal glasses, and was recently diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis. I must be pretty old, right? Wrong. I’m 28. FML

I agree, your life sucks 857

You deserved it 100

Today, I was woken up by the police pounding on my door, saying I was under arrest for stealing road signs. My friends went drinking last night and thought it would be funny to steal seven stop signs, four bus stop signs, and two children crossing signs, then plant them on my front lawn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 353

You deserved it 4 890

Today, while waiting for a plane, a man in a wheelchair was struggling to get to baggage, so I helped him. I did so without realising that I passed through the "No Entry" gate. What did I forget? My phone, my ID, and my boarding pass. What do you need to get back to the plane? All of those. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 824

You deserved it 6 162