Virginity and Intimacy: Absolute beginners - FML

Absolute beginners

By dancerr2210 - 09/06/2010 04:01 - United States

Spicy

Today, after making out with my boyfriend for the first time, it took me an hour to convince him he was still a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 264

You deserved it 6 968

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Same thing different taste

Nuts

By Anonymous - 15/09/2011 20:03 - United States

Spicy

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. Not only did he last just 2 minutes, he also sat there for a while afterwards, smacking his semi-erect penis in awe and saying, "Look, it's still hard! How crazy is that?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 847

You deserved it 6 146

By Anonymous - 10/03/2012 07:23 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I decided it was time to lose our virginity. After our clothes were removed, we spent 30 minutes trying to figure out how to actually have sex, and eventually gave up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 056

You deserved it 59 309

By Anonymous - 03/11/2012 01:23 - Canada - Bedford

Spicy

Today, I finally lost my virginity to my boyfriend. It hurt like hell, was over in less than a minute, and he tried to reuse the condom for a second round. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 022

You deserved it 6 086

By Lady Vulva - 19/09/2015 02:56

Spicy

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. It lasted about 20 seconds, and he cried during it. I later heard him telling his friends he'd given me a "damn good pounding" and "made her cum 3 times". I wish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 953

You deserved it 3 070

By EliseV - 03/11/2014 18:56 - United States - Chino Hills

Spicy

Today, I lost my virginity. In the middle of it, he just gave up and said he wasn't in the mood anymore. Then I had to listen about his past failed relationships for over an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 954

You deserved it 6 002

Testing the waters

By Anonymousss95 - 10/12/2011 12:03 - Sweden

Spicy

Today, I lost my virginity. Afterwards, he told me that he was only doing this because he wanted to know if he still truly loves his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 705

You deserved it 13 391

By Blueberrypicc - 13/08/2010 01:01 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was messing with my boyfriend in my basement. We are both virgins and he wanted to perform oral sex on me for the first time. Naked, we finally decided to try to have sex. We discovered the act is much harder than it may seem. We're both still virgins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 325

You deserved it 38 087

By Mini-wanker - 18/10/2011 17:34 - United States

Spicy

Today, after having had sex with my girlfriend for the first time the night before, she went to the doctor. He said she's still physically a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 541

You deserved it 8 865

By Alicia - 21/01/2010 05:02 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were trying to have sex for the first time. Not only did he struggle for five minutes to put on a condom (repeatedly snapping himself in the balls), but he then had to ask me "which hole" to put it in. I'm dating a thirty-four year old virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 381

You deserved it 6 347

Not a great start

By anon - 05/06/2021 02:01

Spicy

Today, after waiting to losing our virginity together, we finally did it, only for my boyfriend to claim he doesn't understand how people enjoy sex, since he found the waiting stressful, the sex awkward and undignified, the orgasm unimpressive and so sticky, he was desperate for a shower afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 498

You deserved it 212

Next

Top comments

lahp 0

Wednesday 9 June 2010 12:00

thats what you get for dating 6 year olds....

ThatLooksSticky 16

Wednesday 9 June 2010 12:27

Making out is kissing (each other's lips), and maybe "heavy petting" or "groping." Oral sex is using your mouth on another person's genitals, which usually aren't located on the face.

Comments

noobacabra 0

Wednesday 9 June 2010 21:40

116 if i ever end up having girls i plan on doing the same

jacketfootball 0

Wednesday 9 June 2010 23:18

virginity is not pride, it's a lack of opportunity

yearbookie12 0

Wednesday 9 June 2010 23:52

haha really? lack of oppurtunity? hahaha wow

SK25Reboo 0

Friday 11 June 2010 4:57

#133 was a win, lmao

tencentsakiss 19

Sunday 13 June 2010 18:25

I had plently of opportunity but still waited to be in love. imagine that

GlaoigharAirm 0

Wednesday 9 June 2010 23:24

Oh my...

yearbookie12 0

Wednesday 9 June 2010 23:49

ok, the guy is either really dumb or actually has no clue or he is playing like he is but really people do you have to say that they are like 5 and crap like that? that's really really stupid and all you people talking about sex...I think we know what it is...you don't have to tell us...geesh!!!

phippsy95 2

Wednesday 9 June 2010 23:56

does this just mean your a good kisser? barly FML

aback 4

Thursday 10 June 2010 1:23

So slam a ***** up his pooper and say, "Okay! NOW you're not a virgin!"

tj79 3

Thursday 10 June 2010 1:26

you should have told him that not only is he not still a virgin, but he also might be a new daddy for not using protection. I told a friend that called me after an@l sex that there has been an alarming increase in an@l conceptions. it was priceless lol

claiiire_fml 17

Thursday 10 June 2010 8:22

*anal

baybaylover1 0

Thursday 10 June 2010 2:12

did u say THE PENIS HAS TO GO IN. THE ******

Mirelly13 6

Thursday 10 June 2010 2:17

when I was 5 my mom told me that when I kiss a boy I automatically get pregnate and die....really random sorry

nonoperational 0

Thursday 10 June 2010 3:05

DUMP.HIM. (:

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Keywords

Surprise Love Cute Awkward My ex Texting Intimacy Sex Wanker Mental health Health Insomnia Sleep Food Cooking Kids Parents Weekend Pranks Annoying Miscellaneous Work Embarrassing Technology Coworkers Zoom Roommate Argument Pizza Animals

The Top

Today, my new neighbor asked if I could keep my dog from yapping during the evenings, because it kept him awake last night. I don't have a dog, but I apologized anyway. I didn't have the heart to admit that those are the sounds my girlfriend makes during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 020

You deserved it 8 493

Today, while having a sneak through my brother's browser, I found a bookmark for a Google Docs file. It was a short story involving him horrifically killing our entire family. It ended with the words: "And that is what happens when people don't respect the author's privacy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 861

You deserved it 61 757

The Top

Today, if I’m not at work, I’m spending my time racing back and forth between sheer relief that I’m no longer married to my ex-husband and that I’ve got my freedom and independence back, and bursting into tears because the slightest thing reminds me of him, and I miss the awful twat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 013

You deserved it 259

Today, it really feels like I ain’t even got organs, because no matter what I eat or drink, that shit goes straight down and out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 405

You deserved it 92

Today, my 72 year-old Grandmother informed me she's running for mayor. She's been going around town with homemade signs all day, campaigning to win mayor. She lives in my town. My friend called me to ask if she was high. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 189

You deserved it 4 008

Today, my girlfriend told me that I think too much during sex. Now the only thing I can think about is how much I'm thinking too much. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 096

You deserved it 7 068

Today, I took part in a raffle that was being organised in the small countryside village where I'm vacationing. I live in big city. I won a duck. A real, live duck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 833

You deserved it 9 530

Today, my parents got a new dog. It attacks me every time I laugh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 390

You deserved it 3 607