Work, Sex and Intimacy: All sexed up - FML

All sexed up

By Anonymous - 24/10/2010 07:31 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found dried cum in my hair - after being at work for two hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 281

You deserved it 48 327

The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. More…

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Same thing different taste

He enjoyed himself way too much

By Galo - 30/01/2022 19:58

Spicy

Today, I had to clean cum from one of the seats of the movie theater where I work at as a cleaner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 396

You deserved it 118

Not what you think

By Anonymous - 28/05/2023 06:00

Today, I was running late to work so I started getting dressed and brushing my teeth. I got to work 5 minutes late, which is when noticed a toothpaste stain on my shirt. I thought it looked identical to a cum stain, and the worst part was I was wearing black, so it was noticeable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 644

You deserved it 251

By Anonymous - 21/06/2013 04:44 - United States - Vancouver

Today, my boss held my hair while I threw up. It's day two on the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 130

You deserved it 9 053

Great look

By Anonymous - 12/11/2021 17:00

Today, I had a conversation with my work crush. I walked back to my office, only to realize I had breakfast in my hair. I had oatmeal for breakfast, and it looked like puke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 787

You deserved it 304

Disgusting

By SnotScrubber - 05/04/2024 07:00 - United States - Tulsa

Today, I was idly scratching gunk off the common computer while waiting for a meeting to start. It wasn't until the end that I realized it was dried snot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 408

You deserved it 126

By g_unit - 10/12/2009 05:24 - Canada

Today, at work, I went to fold a pair of pants that was left in a changing room to find out that someone had taken a dump in them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 656

You deserved it 2 615

Bad hair day

By ewwgross - 20/05/2011 23:29 - United States

Today, at my hairdressing job, my first client of the day came in for a cut. Her hair smelled awful, and when I asked her why, she informed me that she'd gotten trashed with some friends the night before, and one of them had puked in her hair. She came to me to get it cleaned out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 449

You deserved it 3 678

By notmine - 20/04/2014 02:39 - India - New Delhi

Today, I work at a food joint as a chef, and a customer found a long strand of hair in her food. The manager blamed me, even though I'm bald. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 723

You deserved it 3 546

By RetailJocky - 15/08/2017 13:00

Today, at work, a bag of driveway repair tar split and spilled on my arms and hands. Not only does it stain and pull out any arm hair it touches, the stains also look like I was playing in dog poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 414

You deserved it 297

By lily_marleen - 17/05/2015 21:27 - Germany - Emskirchen

Today, I had an outdoor meeting with some important clients. It wasn't until the meeting was over that my coworker decided to inform me that I had bird poop in my hair "pretty much the entire time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 997

You deserved it 2 126

Next

Top comments

smokeymcpottt 3

Sunday 24 October 2010 16:14

He tried to get your hair pregnant.

UnicornsDoExist 0

Sunday 24 October 2010 16:57

There's this thing called a shower. It's new and everything, but t does work.

Comments

rainbow_eyes84 0

Sunday 24 October 2010 17:52

Um, I thought this FML meant that she had been going around at work for two hours with cum on her hair that she got there before work. like at home with the bf.

ilovemydoodle123 0

Sunday 24 October 2010 17:53

is it possible this is a typo?! maybe op meant gum?!?!

I_Deserved_It 10

Sunday 24 October 2010 17:59

Then why is it in the "sex" section?

ilovemydoodle123 0

Monday 25 October 2010 12:48

good point:)

lightboyzsx 3

Sunday 24 October 2010 18:00

you should stop falling asleep at work

smallsmerry 0

Sunday 24 October 2010 18:03

this fml would be funnier if it were written by a dude

qenibabie 0

Sunday 24 October 2010 18:04

hahaha, whoopsss, he kinda missed your face.

lbeer 1

Sunday 24 October 2010 18:13

and that's why you swallow

BrittneySaysFTW 0

Sunday 24 October 2010 18:15

Um...Raunch ball....

TheB0a 5

Sunday 24 October 2010 18:43

Someone had a wild night. Well, that or you better ask security if you can check the tapes. That's just nasty.

TheB0a 5

Sunday 24 October 2010 18:45

It was ectoplasm.

T3CHN0_N3GR0 0

Sunday 24 October 2010 18:51

And spit doesnt just dry in someones hair

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The Top

Today, after finalizing my divorce, I decided to go out with a guy I had been ogling for months, after much anticipation and a few rounds of drinks at the bar, I was ready to roll. Much to my disappointment, his penis was so small the condom wouldn't stay on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 777

You deserved it 8 688

Today, the best friend I grew up with since primary school, who helped me be a single mom to my son, helping with bottle feeds, nappy changing and so on, has been shagging him since he turned 20. They’re getting married next year, despite the 24-year age gap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 328

You deserved it 133

The Top

Today, my friends decided it would be funny to give me a "hickey" with a vacuum cleaner while I was passed out drunk. Not only do I have to try and explain this to my girlfriend, but we're meeting her parents for lunch this afternoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 064

You deserved it 22 458

Today, my mother-in-law visited the house while my husband and I were at work. When we returned, we discovered she'd shredded and thrown away all the scribbled on papers sprawled on our messy desks. We're graphics designers. Those were rough sketches for about 14 different clients. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 417

You deserved it 3 696

Today, my boyfriend came over for a family brunch, during which he told my mother, in vivid detail, how he gets the shits whenever he eats kale chips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 000

You deserved it 2 994

Today, I was rushing to walk home because my stomach was upset. I dodged multiple people, getting closer and closer, got my front door open, got up my stairs, and then lost control of my bowels on the top step. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 367

You deserved it 104

Today, I was taking a relaxing soak in the tub with my essential oils, when my husband walked in and proceeded to take the most foul-smelling dump ever. The toilet is right next to the bathtub, so my essential oils didn’t stand a chance. Besides that, our house has four other bathrooms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 952

You deserved it 166

Today, I was going on a plane to Chicago. My passport picture is 6 years old, and back then I was a beautiful model. Now, I gave birth to a child and gained 50 lbs. When I showed my passport to the airport atendents, I got arrested for stealing someones passport. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84 251

You deserved it 12 489