Sex, Awkward and Intimacy: Booktok - FML

Booktok

By eakthegeek - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Spicy

Today, I was sexing it up with my boyfriend. Halfway through, he looked at me and said, "Y'know what you never see in a porno? Intellectual conversation. Read any good books lately?" He wouldn't keep going until I answered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 702

You deserved it 7 047

Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves! More…

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Same thing different taste

By VampiresSayRawr - 28/03/2009 03:16 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I tried having intercourse with my boyfriend, and about 30 seconds in, I heard flipping. He was looking at a porn magazine. "It's to keep my erection" he answered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 98 718

You deserved it 9 797

We got a reader!

By Anonymous - 28/09/2012 05:18 - United States - Hobbs

Today, my new boyfriend came over to my apartment for the first time. Up until now I thought he was great, but when he spotted the book I'm currently reading next to my couch, he uttered the immortal question, "Why do you read?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 684

You deserved it 3 789

By giantcuntflaps - 13/12/2014 16:03 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I was trying to turn my boyfriend on with dirty texts. When he said "I'm horny," I teasingly replied, "Whoops, did I do that?" His reply? "Huh? Naw i'm watching sum porn". FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 527

You deserved it 6 871

By apparently inexperienced - 11/09/2012 16:54 - United States - Brockton

Spicy

Today, after what I thought was an amazing sex session with my boyfriend, he let out a big sigh and told me I need to watch more porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 767

You deserved it 6 490

Snoozefest

By notsogood - 08/11/2013 20:02 - United States

Spicy

Today, during sex, my girlfriend got so bored that she asked me to tell her a story. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 542

You deserved it 19 406

Sexy talk

By dtmfa - 31/10/2009 04:31 - United States

Spicy

Today, I spent the night with my guy, who I hadn't seen in ages. In the middle of sex, he answered his phone, told me to be quiet, talked to the girl on the other end about how boring his day was, then left the room to finish talking to her. When he came back, he asked if I felt like swallowing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 259

You deserved it 4 978

By workhoe - 20/02/2017 06:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had sex with a coworker I've had my eye on for awhile. Immediately after, he turned on the light and got on his phone. Me, trying to start a conversation, I said, "Well, that was fun." He looked at me and said, "Was it?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 003

You deserved it 1 760

By CALIdime_15 - 05/05/2012 05:42 - United States

Spicy

Today, I watched my boyfriend have a full on conversation with his penis. He also talks to his penis nicer than he talks to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 359

You deserved it 4 920

By Anonymous - 22/11/2014 18:18 - Ireland - Kilkenny

Spicy

Today, I was having some rare good sex with my husband, when he suddenly said, "I'm fuckin' BORED," and pulled out so he could go play his video games. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 180

You deserved it 5 619

By deli Shoppe - 27/06/2012 04:39 - United States - Vallejo

Spicy

Today, I went to the bookstore and saw a stunning girl reading. I walked over and picked up a book, thinking our two books were the same category, hence a good conversation starter. She looked at me, and I pointed at my book and smiled. After that, she left. It was a sex position book. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 381

You deserved it 38 643

Next

Top comments

TransitionCovert 6

Tuesday 10 January 2012 16:06

He is a keeper

CVeNgineer 0

Tuesday 10 January 2012 16:08

Well he's got a point..

Comments

pseudonym129647 4

Wednesday 11 January 2012 1:37

Asdfhjk that is fantastic and you need to marry him

ArielleLeigh 5

Wednesday 11 January 2012 1:39

He is a keeper. And Wtf!!

hotchick90037 3

Wednesday 11 January 2012 1:44

I love how op said "sexing it up" and this fml made me laugh! :)

creedaddict 9

Wednesday 11 January 2012 2:20

YDI for saying sexing

Jewnut 0

Wednesday 11 January 2012 2:53

Sorry but thats ******* hot. One of the worst turn offs is being an intelligent information seeking person and dating a shallow retard. If you havent been dating long maybe hes hinting at you to step up your smart game.

mintcandyapple 3

Wednesday 11 January 2012 9:27

riiiiiiiiiiiiiight.... whoever refers to themselves as an intelligent information seeking person prob hasnt had much sex

KiddNYC1O 20

Wednesday 11 January 2012 2:59

Y'know what you never see in a porno? Clean ups.

perdix 29

Wednesday 11 January 2012 3:36

Tell him you read FML and hit him with a few of your favorite comments. May I recommend . . .?

danielle25 15

Wednesday 11 January 2012 3:48

He is a keeper.

jonashiller 0

Wednesday 11 January 2012 4:15

Sexing is a word?

hateevryone 14

Wednesday 11 January 2012 4:33

keep him

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Keywords

Transportation Poopoo peepee Cars Dentist Health Awkward Shopping My ex Love Cats Animals Work Clothes Job interview Miscellaneous Weird Vacation Holidays Family Parents AITA Annoying Am I overreacting? Funerals Relatable Harassment Engagement Food Ironic Technology

The Top

Today, my girlfriend, who recently started French classes, and I were having sex. Knowing how whispering in my ear turns me on, she whispered something in French, and I came. Later I found out it meant something like, "You should lose a lot of weight." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 608

You deserved it 9 063

Today, I ran into my ex-girlfriend from high school at the exact pizza shop we met at where I worked in high school. She broke it off with me after she caught me cheating with her best friend. These days, she's a lawyer who makes six figures a year. I still work at the same pizza shop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 306

You deserved it 125 962

The Top

Today, I drove a friend to the emergency room because he thought he had appendicitis. While sitting in the waiting room, I got puked on by a child. My friend's diagnosis? Gas. So he also farted all the way home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 111

You deserved it 3 134

Today, I emailed 10 parents inviting them to my son's birthday party. All 10 emailed back saying their kids had to get a cavity filled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 380

You deserved it 3 900

Today, a coyote turned up in the yard where my son and his friend were playing. It was aggressive and foaming at the mouth, so I called the boys inside, and shot it. Now my wife is scared of me and half the neighborhood wants me gone for "dangerous behavior." FML

I agree, your life sucks 665

You deserved it 135

Today, my partner and I were both horny at the same time. I entertained our 3 kids while he jerked off, then he entertained them while I went and masturbated. We live together and this is the first time we’ve been horny at the same time since Christmas, because we’re both so exhausted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 653

You deserved it 427

Today, I accidentally left the tag on the new pants that I wore to work. Nobody had brought it to my attention for the whole day until finally, before I was about to go home, every single employee and my boss let me know by yelling in unison and laughing as I left the building. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 242

You deserved it 7 769

Today, I babysat for my neighbor's brat kid. The mom gave me $15 for 5 hours. I complained to my mom when I got home because last time I got $15/hour. Turns out my mom had told my neighbor that she thought they'd paid me too much last time. Thanks mom. Thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 379

You deserved it 2 015