Sex, Relatable, Awkward and Intimacy: I've got the hots for you

I've got the hots for you

By Jarman - 26/07/2012 05:39 - United States - Columbus

Today, I had to turn down an offer of what seemed like some sexy time with a cute girl because my intestines were bursting with an intense desire to unleash molten lava. I rushed home to squat down, only to let out a disappointingly small piece of crud and a tiny fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 136

You deserved it 5 911

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Same thing different taste

Gross out competition

By shattysituation - 31/12/2012 22:36 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try a new place to eat. On our way home we both had upset stomachs. As we raced into the house we realized neither of us could hold it any longer. Having only one bathroom, I let her go first. She exploded on the toilet and I exploded in my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 416

You deserved it 4 054

Leaked

By Morgan Bailey - 18/09/2018 14:00

Today, I tried to let out a small fart in a crowded restaurant. I had diarrhea. I walked past several families to get to the bathroom and clean myself up, only to still go home with a huge wet spot down my ass. My shirt wasn't long enough to hide it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 742

You deserved it 893

Hear this?

By soundslikeadumbcommentersituation - 11/07/2014 20:34 - Canada - Brampton

Today, while in my backyard, I had some insane gastric distress. I let out a fart so powerful that it made me yelp in pain, and left my asshole numb. A second later, I heard a cough come from over my neighbor's fence. I had to quietly limp back into my house in shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 844

You deserved it 6 932

By Anonymous - 08/06/2014 02:34 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I went to the restroom to pee. A loud fart exploded out of my ass and echoed in the toilet bowl. I could practically feel my face on fire when I saw the horrified look on a little girl's face as I walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 076

You deserved it 6 687

By Anonymous - 27/01/2013 06:03 - United States - Demorest

Today, while getting intimate with my girlfriend, I felt a sharp pain in my stomach, and had to run to the bathroom to evacuate my bowels. She heard the horrible sounds, and I doubt I'll ever be able to seduce her again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 041

You deserved it 3 908

Symphony

By Anonymous - 06/05/2009 19:17 - United States

Today, I had some pretty bad stomach pain, so I went to the bathroom. After a few minutes, two girls walked in, taking stalls next to me. That's when my farts began to get very large and explosive. Not only did they break into laughter, they waited for me to come out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 485

You deserved it 5 202

By Anonymous - 19/11/2017 06:00

Today, in the middle of sex, I was desperate for a fart but tried to hold it in so we weren't forced to stop halfway. Unfortunately, I accidentally let the fart escape, along with runny diarrhea all over my husbands legs and groin. The smell caused him to vomit all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 523

You deserved it 2 829

Like a dog

By Jick - 26/02/2023 14:00

Today, I was outside when I was suddenly overcome by an intense need to shit. The back door was locked, so I tried to run to the front, but couldn't make it. As I squatted in the bushes, my girlfriend came home unexpectedly. She screamed and called me a sick, disgusting freak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 771

You deserved it 294

Time to flee the crime scene

By Anonymous - 22/10/2022 10:00

Today, my date from the night before let me stay behind when he had left for work. While relaxing, I figured I'd be fine to let a little fart out. Unbeknownst to me, not eating enough food over the past few days turned the contents of my bowels to liquid. I sharted on their bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 371

You deserved it 869

Leftovers

By Well Shit - 16/08/2023 21:00 - United Kingdom - Rickmansworth

Today, I had a really big, satisfying shit in the loo of a pub several miles from home. After getting back to my table, my stomach rumbled, and, assuming it was just gas, I let it go. What followed was approximately a litre of brown water, soaking my underwear, jeans, and chair, and dribbling onto the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 833

You deserved it 418

tnttse 6

Thursday 26 July 2012 16:06

Cockblocked by your shit. Classic.

CessOMG 3

Thursday 26 July 2012 16:06

I freaking hate it when that happens. FYL.

Comments

pichu172b 7

Thursday 26 July 2012 17:19

The only reason this post was allowed on here is because of the hilarious way it's written.

whostolemylama 12

Thursday 26 July 2012 17:24

You could not call the "sexy" girl back after you were done?

chisty87 16

Thursday 26 July 2012 17:31

I agree you could've called her after you found out it was a false alarm

kimg0885 23

Thursday 26 July 2012 17:32

Murphy's law. Damn it

whysoserious021 2

Thursday 26 July 2012 17:48

why do people talk like this on FML

pexy_fml 16

Thursday 26 July 2012 17:52

Never trust your guts

AClassActx3 7

Thursday 26 July 2012 17:54

Just ask her back out, explaining there was an emergency that day

gavo 8

Thursday 26 July 2012 18:08

aw thats shit luck

Dcm210 19

Thursday 26 July 2012 18:17

maybe thats gods way of telling that she isnt clean.

menacingsprite 3

Thursday 26 July 2012 18:22

**** blocked by your own body.

FalconCrunch 4

Thursday 26 July 2012 18:39

You should have let it build up until it was completely unbearable, then let loose the filthy sludge onto her chest.

SystemofaBlink41 27

Saturday 28 July 2012 7:11

*gags*

Keywords

Miscellaneous Insects Gross Cute Neighbours Kids Love Proposal Awkward Health Amazon Relatable Hair Delivery Scary Allergies Animals Dogs Babysitter Skincare Emergency Doctor Hospital Vacation Engagement ring AITA Social Media Facebook Money Scams

The Top

USA, USA, USA, and more precisely Philadelphia. That's where we're landing today. When I first discovered Justin, on 9gag or an awesome website like that, I knew exactly this little guy was perfect to fit in the FML illustrated section. His crazy, c...

I agree, your life sucks 8

You deserved it 8

Today, I went to a job interview super early and giddy with enthusiasm. While waiting in the lobby, I struck up a friendly conversation with a bloke who was also waiting around in a suit. I jokingly told him, “Good luck mate, but I’m getting this job.” Turns out he was the hiring manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 133

You deserved it 469

The Top

Today, I moved out of my apartment by the highway and airport, and into a new place below people who blast loud music, stomp their feet, and slam doors throughout the night. I haven't had a decent night's sleep in over a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 124

You deserved it 2 741

Today, even though I help cook and clean on a daily basis, I got called lazy and told I don't do anything around the house. I live with my parents and twin 18-year-old brothers and they all say this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 759

You deserved it 135

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when he finished, seemingly angry. He stood there naked complaining for 15 minutes about how our sex sucked. Then he demanded that I dress him because "it's my fault his clothes were off in the first place". FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 053

You deserved it 5 650

Today, I was cleaning the bathrooms at work. An older gentlemen came in and needed to use it. He said to me "Oh no, PLEASE stay, just don't look." I don't get paid enough for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 457

You deserved it 3 836

Today, I was at a baseball game. I was eating my nachos when all of the sudden I woke up in the hospital, with my dad sitting next to the bed. Apparently, I was hit with a foul ball. He kept the ball for himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 717

You deserved it 3 192

Today, I tried shaving my bikini area for the first time. I ended up cutting myself several times. I now have impressive razor burn, and it's incredibly painful to even wear pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 993

You deserved it 6 352

Same thing different taste

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