The Crank

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Spicy
Today, the closest I came to doing something that could be vaguely construed as "constructive" was wanking and crying. Sometimes simultaneously. FML
I agree, your life sucks 13 423
You deserved it 28 728
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Top comments

dudeitsdanny 9

Are you so bad you can't even satisfy yourself? e.e... I'm sorry, this is just pathetic.. Crying and masturbating? masturbation guilt? I.. I can't even fathom this. How can you even get off while crying?

99 7
flockz 19

BUT I CRIED THE WHOLE!! oh wait u didnt have sex.....

95 9

Comments

gmc_blossom 21

Whoa people. Masturbating may be fun for some of you. However, for some, it's a chore they don't want to do, and so it makes them really upset whilst doing it. You inconsiderate people. Who actually enjoys masturbation or sex these days anyways? Nasty freaks.

3 10
skylerXx 6

Anyone who is a normal person enjoys sex and masturbation.

5 5
stefx0xwallace 6

im gonna say ur a weird person who ha never been laid an got bored with doing the job urself?

0 2
harrywestt 0

I see where your coming from about the masturbation side of things and that is a lil nasty. but everyone enjoys sex. if no one loved sex you wouldn't be here stupid.

0 2
gmc_blossom 21

I was being sarcastic, thank-you.

1 0
Climaxx 11

Surely your penis can't be THAT bad.

4 0
KingOfOreos 0

would of been better if u said small

0 4
wat11115 0

that makes even less sense

1 0
CyonideCyns 0

I'm just curious as to, why the he'll were you crying? And wouldn't the crying turn you off? Why did you keep wanking?

3 0
maskedman 9

She (or he) were using their tears for lube.

2 1
armorf0r 7

One of the more.. ****** up FML's I've read. And what exactly put you in this predicament?

2 0
bettyc4 26

tears are the best lubricant ;)

4 2
KingOfOreos 0

xD wow you would know from experience huh

1 1
bettyc4 26

ya just ask your mom ;)

6 0
kcircuses2 4

blood works a little better

2 0
bettyc4 26

that's when aunt Flow comes to town

1 0
MineDub5253 0

My friend made up a name for this before we even saw this: cranking

5 0
Epsilonyx 15

I do that all too often...all too often. Let us share in our sorrow, brother of mine.

5 1