The red knob incident
By Bee - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States
By Bee - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States
what wouldve been funnier is if you said "that was the only action my knob felt in years".
this fml is like a triple fml in one :]
Now if only you were allergic! In the minutes before you passed out it would be huge!
heh. Maybe it'll swell.
I hope the sting made your dick swell up ginormously, and your girlfriend was out of town! (I once got stung on the forearm and I looked like Popeye for about an hour.)
When did that sound like a good idea??? I hope your girlfriend dumps you thinking you have an STD.
80% of the population has one strain of HPV at any given time, whereas 25% have genital herpes for life. i would hope neither the op's girlfriend nor yourself would be so ******* shallow to leave a partner due to something so common and trivial.
Um, yeah, I would leave someone for either of those. Herpes for life? Thanks, but no thanks. HPV can cause ovarian cancer and subsequent infertility. Again, thanks but no thanks. You may be willing to risk the ability to have children for your significant other, but I'm not. I have a right to my opinion, and my opinion is that there are plenty of other fish in the sea. I'm not going to sacrifice my health (knowingly) for a guy when there are a couple billion others..... Call me shallow, I call you clingy. Whatever.
LOL, me willing to overlook a minor physical ailment in order to date someone i love makes me clingy? go back to fifth grade and learn basic vocabulary skills. feel free to grow a brain while you are at it, as herpes is not known to cause any health problems besides an annoyance factor (as well as the vast majority of hpv strains.) there is a slight danger of herpes keratitis, but then again, isn't there danger when one puts anything into their eyes? judging from the *****-factor of the shirt you're wearing in your userpic, with your nasty rolls hanging out, it is purely a matter of time until you contract something. i hope you have to deal with judgement. in the meantime, concern yourself with diet and exercise rather than diseases and infections.
Hahahahahaha. A bikini is skanky? Go tell that to all the people on the beach. And I'm 95 lbs, thanks. You're just hilarious. You're telling ME to go back to 5th grade? I state my opinion, which is perfectly valid, and you are reduced to insults. Yep. You're mature. Clingy: adj. - too dependent on the company or emotional support of other people. My point was you're so dependent on someone else that you would probably let them beat on you as well, so as not to be "shallow". So how about YOU go back to 5th grade. You make yourself look like a moron trying to correct me when I used the word correctly. Herpes IS a disease, therefor it doesn't need to come with any other health problems to be enough of a reason for me. I'm hardly going to say, "Please cum in this cup so I can test to see WHICH strain of HPV you have," knowing that the four most common types can cause cervical cancer (I said ovarian before, but I meant cervical). So if you don't like me having opinions that differ with yours, please go die. Get over yourself. You're not some god. I can live my life as I choose, and the fact that you begin insulting my OUTFIT because you disagree with me proves that you are a pathetic, immature ****. Have fun living in your lonely cave, with all the zero other people who agree with you 100% of the time.
And you appear to be thin enough to wear a bikini bottom, not "bottoms" like the fat-ass who performed lewd acts in front of her and her fiance's families. You know there is the Gardasil vaccine that protects you from several strains of HPV, right?
yes, having protected intercourse with an infected individual i may care for definitely means i let them beat the shit out of me as well. your insight and life experience absolutely blow me away; how could i have been so stupid? i will have to check myself into a battered women's center ASAP, lest he hit me again! i will be so shallow if i do not take the abuse, this may be his way of receiving therapy for some past trauma : (!!!! and the insult regarding your appearance is pretty petty (and shallow, i might add - i do not claim to rise above basic human vices,) but you obviously posted it for self absorbed reasons (and the "yes, that's really me" line in your userinfo - you serious, bitch? i loooove it when i see ugly teenage camwhores that somehow believe otherwise) and thus essentially invite criticism. this is an internet argument, what the **** did you expect? how am i supposed to concentrate on purely text with those nasty ******* and wonky eye staring me in the face? you're allowed to believe what you want, but when you spread ignorance and hate (toward the vast majority of the population, no less; i am sure most people would agree with my message. perhaps not the method of delivery, but my intentions are pure. you also deserve to be knocked down a peg or three) others will stand up to say something. people like you that lower the average IQ to 90-100 need to be removed from society swiftly and efficiently; execution style would be ideal
"you serious, bitch?" "wonk eye" "nasty *******" etc. Wow. Haha. This was fun until it went this far on the immaturity scale. Really? That's the BEST you can do? Is that what people who are obviously wrong say when they want to sound tough? Good job. Oh and sarcasm fail at the beginning of your comment. Way to miss the entire point of my post. You're on a level so far lower than mine that this is pointless. I tried presenting logic, to which you responded, "YOU'RE UGLY." You can't argue, thus rendering your entire point null. Goodbye! Plexico: Haha. Yeah, I generally only wear one. But apparently a BMI of 17.95 (technically underweight) is fat these days. Hahahaha. Looks like I better get me another bikini bottom and start bending over for my family!
Plexico: Yes I know about the vaccine. It only protects against 4 strains, but those make up 80%+ of HPV strains. I declined to have it because I don't trust the FDA. They've been spitting out a ton of meds and vaccines that aren't safe, then come around saying, "You may be entitled to a settlement!" I get tested regularly. No HPV so far.
I think Mouseguard had someone leave her due to her STDs. That is the only reason I can think of why she would defend it so. @Intoxicunt I think she is jealous of your being attractive, she is probably ugly on top of having STDs.
Everyone agrees with me! I WIN! Kidding. But thank you, Darkon. :)
I should go back to the 5th grade? You just assumed you knew my whole sex life based on absolutely nothing. Idiot. It's amusing when people use insults that don't make sense. Doesn't that make you a troll? Edit: CL41RE, how many times do you need to post? You suck for assuming you know me. I wouldn't be in it "just for sex", but like I said (you'd notice if you could read properly), there are other fish in the sea. I don't buy the "soulmate" bit. So I could just find someone else to love.
I completely agree with intoxicunt. I would not continue in a relationship with a guy I knew had an STD because I don't want one... so I wouldn't fall in love with him in the first place. And if a guys I was already in love with got an STD it would be because he was cheating on me. That is not okay, so I would dump him for cheating on me. I wouldn't put my health/fertility at risk for a guy. Also, mouseguard... what you said about her was mean, immature, and untrue.
Thank you guys! MercyFML, you rock my world. :] I don't care if other people choose to stay in a relationship with that knowledge, but by the same token, I should be allowed to decide if that's for me or not. Just like everyone else chooses what they value and REQUIRE in a partner, I do too. And one of my requirements is being STD free (and yeah, I've managed to find plenty of guys who fit said requirements). If you don't like it, don't date me and run YOUR relationships differently.
LMFAO. Mousegaurd you absolutely tore that conceited bitch apart!! She REALLY needs a reality check if she thinks she is either witty, attractive or the least bit smart. Like the rest of the douchebags who agree with her she's only popular on a WEBSITE. and why? cuz she spent so much time with other losers here that her ego has gone out of wack. "I have been told I am the Goddess of FML" - intoxicunt (not word for word) but no I agree with this statement, out of everyone here only you are worthy of such a great title for **** my life. Truly, your life is more ****** than everyone's here. Dumb bitch.
Long Comment...
That's why those things are so gross.
At least you'll have a bigger dick for awhile.
Keywords
that bee was PISSED!
Why the hell would you aim at something other than the toilet in a port-a-john...I'm surprised you didn't piss all over yourself.