Intimacy: Today, a month after my final bout of intimacy with the stage...

By Anonymous - 12/11/2011 01:55 - United States

Today, a month after my final bout of intimacy with the stage five clinger who's been borderline stalking me since high school, she called to tell me I'm going to be a father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 450

You deserved it 63 172

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

Congratulations. Or not.

By Anonymous - 24/10/2019 14:03

Today, I was told that I will be a father in 2 months. I had a one night stand about 7 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 779

You deserved it 2 094

By xOdaatx - 26/09/2011 13:01 - Australia

Today, my fiancé told me his ex-wife was 5 weeks pregnant. I was happy for her, and glad she had finally moved on. Until I found out who the father was. They're moving back in together, for the baby's sake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 502

You deserved it 3 059

Karma

By SoandSo - 12/01/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, ten years after getting my college girlfriend pregnant and leaving because I wasn't ready, I reached out to her and told her I'm ready to be a father. Apparently my son "already has a father in his life" and "doesn't need me." She laughed at me when I threatened to sue for custody, and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89

You deserved it 2 917

Planned parenthood

By KittenTitz - 03/05/2020 20:00

Today, I found out that I'm pregnant. I also found out that the dad has a fiancée. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 778

You deserved it 642

Surprise surprise

By Anonymous - 24/09/2010 11:25 - United States

Today, there were a few loud and annoying kids running around my store. My coworker and I started talking. I jokingly stated, "Yeah, kids ruin everything." But before I could get out, "God knows I'm not ready to be a dad," my phone rang. It was my one night stand. I'm going to be a daddy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 091

You deserved it 75 397

By doomed - 22/08/2009 17:46 - United States

Today, my fiancée, who believes in "sex after marriage" like me, told me she was pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 432

You deserved it 6 700

By Anonymous - 19/06/2018 19:00

Today, I found out that, after a year of separation, my ex-wife is pregnant and due in a few months. The divorce became official a few weeks ago and the father is my former best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 456

You deserved it 327

Do not pass Go

By Anonymous - 16/08/2023 08:00

Today, I've hated being a parent ever since I was baby-trapped at 17, but I stuck through it and never let my son suspect how I really felt, and we have a great relationship now he’s an adult. Well he just moved out yesterday, and today my wife told me she’s pregnant. Here we fucking go again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 355

You deserved it 1 218

By Anonymous - 10/01/2016 02:17 - United States - Akron

Today, I found out that I'm going to be a father. Too bad I can't tell my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 801

You deserved it 79 045

By Anonymous - 16/11/2009 03:28 - United States

Today, I found out that my dad has been having an affair. With my formerly favorite teacher. The best part? Yesterday, she announced to the class that she was pregnant. I clapped and congratulated her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 719

You deserved it 2 532

2ndSucks 15

Saturday 12 November 2011 5:30

She's stalking you, but you still screwed her? Smart.

Fx13mz 7

Saturday 12 November 2011 5:28

Dude, you ****** up. =/

Comments

limblessorphan 4

Saturday 12 November 2011 7:17

This is not an f your life but f the babies life. He/she will have two parents who have a "disturbed" relationship as one is a mental and the other to stupid to use a condom when he finally gives in to having sex with someone who obsessivly bothers him! Some shrink's future is assured...

lohwas 0

Saturday 12 November 2011 7:27

You made your bed now lay in it!

CassieMarieee 7

Saturday 12 November 2011 7:35

This is exactly why I generally avoid ******* people who stalk me...

foxgrrl 0

Saturday 12 November 2011 7:47

That sounds like a ploy to get u to stay... DNA test buddy DNA test.

footbalperson09 0

Saturday 12 November 2011 7:51

take her to an amusement park. on all the rides tht say dont go on if ur pregnant, best abortion ever, u culd prolly time it on a roller coaster to get a pic of the baby being aborted

CassieMarieee 7

Saturday 12 November 2011 8:11

Wow. That's really awful.

Pazu_fml 10

Saturday 12 November 2011 8:57

What the heck kind of amusement parks do you go to?

SouthernKiller 4

Saturday 12 November 2011 7:57

This is the definition of stupid. YDI. Totally

CourtneyLA_fml 0

Saturday 12 November 2011 8:12

That's what you get for screwing your stalker, have fun being bound to her for at least another 18 years :D . Think with the head on your neck, not in your pants...or just use a condom next time...if you're dumb enough for a next time

Vash_41288 10

Saturday 12 November 2011 8:13

Could be her way of trying to get you to stay if you left, I would make sure and check more do because she is very clingy and would probably do anything , dangerous that is.