Intimacy: Today, a month after my final bout of intimacy with the stage...

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By Anonymous - 12/11/2011 01:55 - United States

Today, a month after my final bout of intimacy with the stage five clinger who's been borderline stalking me since high school, she called to tell me I'm going to be a father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 455

You deserved it 63 193

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Same thing different taste

Congratulations. Or not.

By Anonymous - 24/10/2019 14:03

Today, I was told that I will be a father in 2 months. I had a one night stand about 7 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 786

You deserved it 2 104

By xOdaatx - 26/09/2011 13:01 - Australia

Today, my fiancé told me his ex-wife was 5 weeks pregnant. I was happy for her, and glad she had finally moved on. Until I found out who the father was. They're moving back in together, for the baby's sake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 518

You deserved it 3 059

Karma

By SoandSo - 12/01/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, ten years after getting my college girlfriend pregnant and leaving because I wasn't ready, I reached out to her and told her I'm ready to be a father. Apparently my son "already has a father in his life" and "doesn't need me." She laughed at me when I threatened to sue for custody, and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90

You deserved it 2 958

Planned parenthood

By KittenTitz - 03/05/2020 20:00

Today, I found out that I'm pregnant. I also found out that the dad has a fiancée. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 793

You deserved it 662

Surprise surprise

By Anonymous - 24/09/2010 11:25 - United States

Today, there were a few loud and annoying kids running around my store. My coworker and I started talking. I jokingly stated, "Yeah, kids ruin everything." But before I could get out, "God knows I'm not ready to be a dad," my phone rang. It was my one night stand. I'm going to be a daddy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 091

You deserved it 75 404

By doomed - 22/08/2009 17:46 - United States

Today, my fiancée, who believes in "sex after marriage" like me, told me she was pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 471

You deserved it 6 705

By Anonymous - 19/06/2018 19:00

Today, I found out that, after a year of separation, my ex-wife is pregnant and due in a few months. The divorce became official a few weeks ago and the father is my former best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 467

You deserved it 331

Do not pass Go

By Anonymous - 16/08/2023 08:00

Today, I've hated being a parent ever since I was baby-trapped at 17, but I stuck through it and never let my son suspect how I really felt, and we have a great relationship now he’s an adult. Well he just moved out yesterday, and today my wife told me she’s pregnant. Here we fucking go again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 361

You deserved it 1 248

By Anonymous - 10/01/2016 02:17 - United States - Akron

Today, I found out that I'm going to be a father. Too bad I can't tell my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 806

You deserved it 79 073

By Anonymous - 16/11/2009 03:28 - United States

Today, I found out that my dad has been having an affair. With my formerly favorite teacher. The best part? Yesterday, she announced to the class that she was pregnant. I clapped and congratulated her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 729

You deserved it 2 532

2ndSucks 15

Saturday 12 November 2011 5:30

She's stalking you, but you still screwed her? Smart.

Fx13mz 7

Saturday 12 November 2011 5:28

Dude, you ****** up. =/

Comments

jonnyroscoe 3

Sunday 13 November 2011 0:00

Wasn't this on Maury?

KnucklesDeep 5

Sunday 13 November 2011 0:11

You are a stage five moron.

bubo_fml 10

Sunday 13 November 2011 1:14

U Mother ******!!

reginal 9

Sunday 13 November 2011 1:33

It's your own fault for sleeping with her

Igor_g5 0

Sunday 13 November 2011 2:39

Well if you did her...

disney_blonde 16

Sunday 13 November 2011 4:08

Why would you sleep with someone who's been stalking you? Just because she spreads her legs doesn't mean you need to stick your dick in her. Have some restraint!

capnbzarr 43

Sunday 13 November 2011 4:17

If you don't want to get your girl pregnant, use protection every time. If you don't want to get your stalker pregnant, use a restraining order every time, and burn your used condoms.