Miscellaneous: Today, after a night of heavy drinking, I woke up handcuffed...

By Sebastian20 - 08/05/2013 11:05 - Netherlands - Groningen

Today, after a night of heavy drinking, I woke up handcuffed to my bed. My friends who are responsible for this think it's hilarious and claimed not to remember where they put the keys. They took pictures, then left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 333

You deserved it 15 619

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Same thing different taste

By doneanddone - 28/02/2009 17:33 - United States

Today, I was over at a friend's place until very late. He had stolen my keys as a joke at some point, but by the time I noticed, he was too drunk to remember where he'd hidden them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 779

You deserved it 8 746

Blackout

By stupiddrunk - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up after a night out drinking on my sofa, with an electric dog collar around my neck, and handcuffs on my wrists. The keys were on the other side of the invisible doggy fence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 154

You deserved it 39 818

By FailedEngineer - 20/10/2009 21:31 - Australia

Today, I lost my house keys while staggering home drunk, so I decided to climb through an opened window and promptly went to bed. Twenty minutes later the police wake me up while attempting to search my place. The neighbors thought I was a burglar and called the cops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 272

You deserved it 35 660

By nekkiddrunk - 14/01/2010 02:04 - United States

Today, I locked myself, drunk and naked, out of my hotel room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 897

You deserved it 40 594

Legged it

By poserpilot - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - El Cajon

Today, I woke up after a night of drinking to find that while I was passed out someone stole my prosthetic leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 941

You deserved it 6 819

Drugged?

By wlisy - 30/09/2019 18:00

Today, I went to spend time with friends. The next thing I knew, I was waking up in my bed with several blocked contacts and text messages, saying that what I did was unacceptable. No drugs or alcohol were involved, and I have no memory of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 750

You deserved it 253

Stuck

By crap - 19/06/2009 17:34 - United States

Today, I woke up extremely hungover. I couldn't find my car keys so I went out to my car to see if I had locked them inside. I walked back to the door of my apartment barefoot and empty handed, only to find that I had locked myself out of the apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 878

You deserved it 44 899

By Anonymous - 05/07/2019 05:58

Today, while we were in a hotel, I got so drunk I apparently couldn't find my room, and passed out in the corridor. I woke up to see hotel staff calling security. FML

I agree, your life sucks 672

You deserved it 2 031

By mylifeisamovie - 28/02/2009 06:39 - United States

Today, I woke up to a tap on my shoulder and had no idea where I was. I quickly discovered It was 11 am and I was still at the bar I had been drinking at the night before. My shoes were gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 644

You deserved it 58 787

Boozed up

By AuntSucka - 08/11/2009 01:35 - United States

Today, I let my nephew and his friend spend the night to watch movies. After I fell asleep, they stole my liquor and went roaming. When they saw the cop car in front of my house and realized they were busted, they went up to the cop and told them I gave them the alcohol to avoid being grounded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 618

You deserved it 3 693

ZombieInConverse 13

Wednesday 8 May 2013 15:59

Best friends are like enemies except treat you a hell of a lot worse.

Faff 20

Wednesday 8 May 2013 16:01

if your FML starts with 'after a night of heavy drinking', you know nobody's going to have sympathy for you.

Comments

ltaper11 20

Wednesday 8 May 2013 16:09

Fuzzy or not? Also does it now hurt to sit? These are valid questions to help you remember last night

a_lenzmeier 11

Wednesday 8 May 2013 16:11

This sounds like a start of a really bad porno...

Joshwarrior 39

Wednesday 8 May 2013 16:12

like maz said at least you're not naked and hey at least you are in your bed. I'm sure they will be back they just need to upload all of the pictures first so you cant stop them, and you know if it was the other way around you would be laughing too.

perdix 29

Wednesday 8 May 2013 16:12

Good thing you could submit this FML with your toes! You may want to use this time to contact someone who could free you, instead of those of us who ridicule you, before you get the overwhelming urge to pee, vomit or, God forbid, take a dump. Wouldn't it be awful to be chained to your bed and have to urinate? Whatever you do, don't think about flowing water, especially warm, flowing water. Thinking about a beautiful stream of warm, flowing water is the last thing you should think about. Good luck and don't get too pissed off that this happened while you were pissed.

SMHsohard 22

Wednesday 8 May 2013 16:32

You have a definite mean streak, perdix. I knew there was something about you that I liked! You should have also warned him about thinking of a warm summer rain storm, and watching the water flow down the street into the drain.