Love: Today, after breaking up with my girlfriend of two years over...

By lovehurts - 28/12/2009 20:41 - United States

Today, after breaking up with my girlfriend of two years over the phone, I got a knock on my door. It was my now ex-girlfriend who came to seek revenge by shooting me in the balls with a paintball gun at about a three-foot range. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 864

You deserved it 57 664

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Same thing different taste

Sorry, I…

By signupsheetfail - 12/08/2009 19:02 - Canada

Today, I was doing target practice with my new paintball pistol. One of the bullets missed, and hit my new neighbor's house. I went up to the door to apologize, not realizing I was still holding the paintball gun. My ex-soldier neighbor thought I was robbing him and put me in a chokehold. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 878

You deserved it 41 899

By AquaRevolver - 25/05/2009 10:35 - New Zealand

Today, me and my girlfriend went paintballing. I made sure we were on the same team, so I could protect her and be manly. The first time she got shot was by me, I shot her finger. It broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 695

You deserved it 54 445

By Z - 26/11/2012 10:26 - Australia

Today, I played paintball with a bunch of friends. By the end of the day, my girlfriend and I were the only people left on the field. She shot me mercilessly, and I screamed like a little girl. 30 people watched, 4 people filmed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 793

You deserved it 25 010

The opposite of a good idea

By gorokhan2 - 27/04/2020 17:00

Today, I wanted to prank my girlfriend by giving her a jump scare. Right before I tried to scare her in an empty parking lot, she turned towards me, pepper-sprayed me in the eyes and kicked me in the balls. When she realized it was me, she called me an asshole and dumped on the spot and drove away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 763

You deserved it 4 427

By iusedprotectionanyway - 21/03/2014 21:44 - New Zealand - Waitakere

Today, I went to a paintball match with my family and the family of my brother's girlfriend. A few minutes into, my brother's girlfriend's dad snuck up on me, unloaded into me from behind, and snarled, "That's for knocking my daughter up." He got the wrong guy. My back is killing me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 233

You deserved it 3 513

By Anonymous - 26/12/2014 14:58 - United States - Commack

Today, I went paintballing with my girlfriend and her family. Her dad ended up shooting me, and I doubled over in pain. I thought that was it, until he stepped back and shot me several more times in the stomach. "Just double-tapping," he smirked. More like quadruple-tapping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 803

You deserved it 3 659

By Anonymous - 11/07/2015 02:42 - United States

Today, my psycho ex girlfriend got up in my face after I dumped her. She said I'm going to pay and that one day, when I think I'm safe and happy, my joy will turn to ash in my mouth. When I pointed out she'd just ripped off a Game of Thrones quote, she kneed me in the balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 565

You deserved it 4 031

By Anonymous - 13/05/2015 17:20 - Canada - Qu?bec

Today, my girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me by taping a breakup note to my doorstep and ding-dong-ditching me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 950

You deserved it 2 774

By Anonymous - 24/01/2017 18:00

Today, I went paint-balling with my girlfriend. As we drove she was scared about getting shot a lot, especially in the head. I reassured her that with all the protective gear it was unlikely. First round, within a minute, she gets shot 3 times in the back of the head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 928

You deserved it 834

Ballshot

By Anonymous - 02/12/2022 14:00

Today, I shot my boyfriend in the balls by mistake, twice. First it was a paintball gun I was using with my nephew, then it was a slingshot I use to scare away the bird who keeps eating fish from my pond. He is now sat icing his groin acting like I did it on purpose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 299

You deserved it 982

somepartsareme 0

Tuesday 29 December 2009 2:05

Fake, you couldn't have balls, you broke up with her over the phone.

effed_over 0

Tuesday 29 December 2009 2:03

That's why you don't do it over the phone.

Comments

Ashter 20

Monday 4 January 2010 12:39

Sue the bitch. Put her psychotic ass in jail. And to all those saying he deserved it, that's like saying a woman deserves to be physically harmed for breaking up with a guy. So what if he broke up with her over the phone? That's assault and she shouldn't be allowed to get away with it. Poor sap probably did it so she wouldn't knife him right there on the spot. FYL OP. Oh and just in case, get a spyhole for your door so you know who's knocking next time.

OlieBaby1625 0

Thursday 7 January 2010 12:07

HAHAHAHA now this is just effing hilarious. I like her already. thats what you get for breaking up with her over the phone. douschebag.

OlieBaby1625 0

Thursday 7 January 2010 12:10

oh and 229, I'm a woman. I have an older brother. I've been shot repeatedly in the ass from a close range (about 1 foot. ) with frozen paint balls. and I still say he deserves it.

nkklllll 4

Thursday 7 January 2010 17:35

That's bullshit, no guy, ever, should be shot in the crotch with paintballs. And I'm just gonna go right out and say, you must have a really fat ass if that shit didn't make you bleed. Alot. Or your brother didn't put it on competition pressure and wasn't shooting you at 300 feet per second.

44Kevin44 0

Sunday 10 January 2010 2:56

Getting it in the balls is a bit different than the ass.

Hitman4Hire 0

Monday 11 January 2010 15:48

The Point is that if you shot with a paintball gun at that range you WILL bleed no if buts or maybes if you don't then there is something wrong with the paintball gun and god has graced you with divine luck

GothicTress 0

Saturday 9 January 2010 20:16

Owww.... I hope the paintballs weren't frozen!

slatter 1

Monday 11 January 2010 8:07

lol I want to say ydi for breaking up with one of the most awsome people ever, but FYL because thts a bit harsh

DeStock 0

Tuesday 12 January 2010 6:40

Been there done that... spent a day crying in the corner lol.

morglol 0

Wednesday 13 January 2010 7:30

and pop goes the weasel! remeber if she's packing she'll use it.

Crow1116 0

Friday 15 January 2010 14:11

You know, I can't go either way on this... He deserves it for breaking up over the phone, but she went a hell of a long way for it. I'm sorry, but if you can't tell someone face to face that it's over, you're just a wuss. But misdemeanor assault is going a little too far to get revenge...

jenwahh 1

Saturday 16 January 2010 9:50

I've been hit practically everywhere with a paintball gun, but i still don't think he deserved it. Like, yes it's harsh to break up with someone over the phone, but every does something like that at some point.