Love: Today, after breaking up with my girlfriend of two years over...

By lovehurts - 28/12/2009 20:41 - United States

Today, after breaking up with my girlfriend of two years over the phone, I got a knock on my door. It was my now ex-girlfriend who came to seek revenge by shooting me in the balls with a paintball gun at about a three-foot range. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 860

You deserved it 57 657

Back to school: Courses and confusion
When the campus comes back to life, anecdotes abound between the lecture halls and student parties! More…

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By signupsheetfail - 12/08/2009 19:02 - Canada

Today, I was doing target practice with my new paintball pistol. One of the bullets missed, and hit my new neighbor's house. I went up to the door to apologize, not realizing I was still holding the paintball gun. My ex-soldier neighbor thought I was robbing him and put me in a chokehold. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 878

You deserved it 41 893

By AquaRevolver - 25/05/2009 10:35 - New Zealand

Today, me and my girlfriend went paintballing. I made sure we were on the same team, so I could protect her and be manly. The first time she got shot was by me, I shot her finger. It broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 693

You deserved it 54 442

By Z - 26/11/2012 10:26 - Australia

Today, I played paintball with a bunch of friends. By the end of the day, my girlfriend and I were the only people left on the field. She shot me mercilessly, and I screamed like a little girl. 30 people watched, 4 people filmed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 792

You deserved it 25 009

The opposite of a good idea

By gorokhan2 - 27/04/2020 17:00

Today, I wanted to prank my girlfriend by giving her a jump scare. Right before I tried to scare her in an empty parking lot, she turned towards me, pepper-sprayed me in the eyes and kicked me in the balls. When she realized it was me, she called me an asshole and dumped on the spot and drove away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 763

You deserved it 4 406

By iusedprotectionanyway - 21/03/2014 21:44 - New Zealand - Waitakere

Today, I went to a paintball match with my family and the family of my brother's girlfriend. A few minutes into, my brother's girlfriend's dad snuck up on me, unloaded into me from behind, and snarled, "That's for knocking my daughter up." He got the wrong guy. My back is killing me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 230

You deserved it 3 513

By Anonymous - 26/12/2014 14:58 - United States - Commack

Today, I went paintballing with my girlfriend and her family. Her dad ended up shooting me, and I doubled over in pain. I thought that was it, until he stepped back and shot me several more times in the stomach. "Just double-tapping," he smirked. More like quadruple-tapping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 802

You deserved it 3 658

By Anonymous - 11/07/2015 02:42 - United States

Today, my psycho ex girlfriend got up in my face after I dumped her. She said I'm going to pay and that one day, when I think I'm safe and happy, my joy will turn to ash in my mouth. When I pointed out she'd just ripped off a Game of Thrones quote, she kneed me in the balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 563

You deserved it 4 028

By Anonymous - 13/05/2015 17:20 - Canada - Qu?bec

Today, my girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me by taping a breakup note to my doorstep and ding-dong-ditching me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 946

You deserved it 2 774

By Anonymous - 24/01/2017 18:00

Today, I went paint-balling with my girlfriend. As we drove she was scared about getting shot a lot, especially in the head. I reassured her that with all the protective gear it was unlikely. First round, within a minute, she gets shot 3 times in the back of the head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 926

You deserved it 833

Ballshot

By Anonymous - 02/12/2022 14:00

Today, I shot my boyfriend in the balls by mistake, twice. First it was a paintball gun I was using with my nephew, then it was a slingshot I use to scare away the bird who keeps eating fish from my pond. He is now sat icing his groin acting like I did it on purpose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 295

You deserved it 977

somepartsareme 0

Tuesday 29 December 2009 2:05

Fake, you couldn't have balls, you broke up with her over the phone.

effed_over 0

Tuesday 29 December 2009 2:03

That's why you don't do it over the phone.

Comments

Oven_fml 0

Wednesday 30 December 2009 7:52

OH SHIT THAT WOULD KILL. awesome way to get revenge though.

Cheekers1989 0

Wednesday 30 December 2009 7:55

Hahahaha! Next time, break up with the ol' bitch in person. This way she won't have anything to use on you!

doof_fisch 2

Wednesday 30 December 2009 8:19

Depending on her choice of color, you could really have blue balls!

goddamnbrittany 0

Wednesday 30 December 2009 9:28

WIN XD

shaynamae 0

Wednesday 30 December 2009 13:53

If you didn't have the balls to break up with her in person after a 2 year relationship, she was probably right in trying to shoot your balls off!

ajscott 0

Wednesday 30 December 2009 15:08

Consider if the positions were switched. Girl breaks up over the phone with a guy. He shows up and shoots her with a paintball gun... Any chance in hell he isn't going to jail in that situation? F double standards.