Love: Today, after breaking up with my girlfriend of two years over...

By lovehurts - 28/12/2009 20:41 - United States

Today, after breaking up with my girlfriend of two years over the phone, I got a knock on my door. It was my now ex-girlfriend who came to seek revenge by shooting me in the balls with a paintball gun at about a three-foot range. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 864

You deserved it 57 664

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Same thing different taste

Sorry, I…

By signupsheetfail - 12/08/2009 19:02 - Canada

Today, I was doing target practice with my new paintball pistol. One of the bullets missed, and hit my new neighbor's house. I went up to the door to apologize, not realizing I was still holding the paintball gun. My ex-soldier neighbor thought I was robbing him and put me in a chokehold. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 878

You deserved it 41 898

By AquaRevolver - 25/05/2009 10:35 - New Zealand

Today, me and my girlfriend went paintballing. I made sure we were on the same team, so I could protect her and be manly. The first time she got shot was by me, I shot her finger. It broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 695

You deserved it 54 445

By Z - 26/11/2012 10:26 - Australia

Today, I played paintball with a bunch of friends. By the end of the day, my girlfriend and I were the only people left on the field. She shot me mercilessly, and I screamed like a little girl. 30 people watched, 4 people filmed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 793

You deserved it 25 010

The opposite of a good idea

By gorokhan2 - 27/04/2020 17:00

Today, I wanted to prank my girlfriend by giving her a jump scare. Right before I tried to scare her in an empty parking lot, she turned towards me, pepper-sprayed me in the eyes and kicked me in the balls. When she realized it was me, she called me an asshole and dumped on the spot and drove away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 763

You deserved it 4 427

By iusedprotectionanyway - 21/03/2014 21:44 - New Zealand - Waitakere

Today, I went to a paintball match with my family and the family of my brother's girlfriend. A few minutes into, my brother's girlfriend's dad snuck up on me, unloaded into me from behind, and snarled, "That's for knocking my daughter up." He got the wrong guy. My back is killing me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 233

You deserved it 3 513

By Anonymous - 26/12/2014 14:58 - United States - Commack

Today, I went paintballing with my girlfriend and her family. Her dad ended up shooting me, and I doubled over in pain. I thought that was it, until he stepped back and shot me several more times in the stomach. "Just double-tapping," he smirked. More like quadruple-tapping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 803

You deserved it 3 659

By Anonymous - 11/07/2015 02:42 - United States

Today, my psycho ex girlfriend got up in my face after I dumped her. She said I'm going to pay and that one day, when I think I'm safe and happy, my joy will turn to ash in my mouth. When I pointed out she'd just ripped off a Game of Thrones quote, she kneed me in the balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 565

You deserved it 4 031

By Anonymous - 13/05/2015 17:20 - Canada - Qu?bec

Today, my girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me by taping a breakup note to my doorstep and ding-dong-ditching me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 950

You deserved it 2 774

By Anonymous - 24/01/2017 18:00

Today, I went paint-balling with my girlfriend. As we drove she was scared about getting shot a lot, especially in the head. I reassured her that with all the protective gear it was unlikely. First round, within a minute, she gets shot 3 times in the back of the head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 928

You deserved it 834

Ballshot

By Anonymous - 02/12/2022 14:00

Today, I shot my boyfriend in the balls by mistake, twice. First it was a paintball gun I was using with my nephew, then it was a slingshot I use to scare away the bird who keeps eating fish from my pond. He is now sat icing his groin acting like I did it on purpose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 299

You deserved it 982

somepartsareme 0

Tuesday 29 December 2009 2:05

Fake, you couldn't have balls, you broke up with her over the phone.

effed_over 0

Tuesday 29 December 2009 2:03

That's why you don't do it over the phone.

Comments

Ada360 0

Thursday 31 December 2009 4:57

SHIT! YOUR GIRLFRIEND IS AWESOME!! :D

IcePrincess88 1

Thursday 31 December 2009 5:39

you stupid asshole. i would have done the exact same thing she did. why the hell would you break up with anyone over the phone, especially after two years? YDI for being such an arrogant s.o.b.

TaylorVenturina 0

Thursday 31 December 2009 6:22

you don't brake up with your girlfriend you've had for two years over the phone. your an idiot

Standupboi 0

Thursday 31 December 2009 9:08

you totally deserve it. as a guy,getting dhot in the balls point blank with a paintball gun is NOT in anyway,pleasant. however,you should NOT. have broken up with her over the phone. so YDI

vincentg_fml 0

Thursday 31 December 2009 9:55

YDI even though Im a guy I think u deserved it ur a looser for breaking up with your gf over the phone and this is a fake FML post obviouslu

zaphilia 0

Thursday 31 December 2009 22:45

He's a looser? Really? I thought that over-the-phone breakups made someone a loser, not a looser.

thatevilguy666 0

Thursday 31 December 2009 21:46

go and shoot her in the crouch with a been bag gun. meanly cause shooting her in the crouch wont hurt as much as her shooting you so if you use a been bag gun than it will hurt more. have a nice day

zaphilia 0

Friday 1 January 2010 7:13

Does this post give anyone else the mental image of some psychotic ex attempting to shoot a bean bag chair at his ex girlfriend while she's crouching?

nkklllll 4

Friday 1 January 2010 9:13

that made my day, well two days, that was amazing.

Nasiswand 0

Friday 1 January 2010 9:14

And yet if you did it to her it would be abuse. call the cops man, that was uncalled for and psycho bitch needs some jail time to help her realize that abuse is not to be tolerated, no matter who the sex is of the person being abused.

1on1wdeath 0

Friday 1 January 2010 12:32

Fyl OP (: I've got me some boobies and they have been shot with paintball guns cause I suck balls at paintballing. It's a phone breakup; everyone does them, even the chicks with thorny sticks in their vags saying YDI. Hope your balls get better! I suggest a heating blanket at night and icing them for 10 minutes per day ;3

nkklllll 4

Sunday 10 January 2010 4:32

ma'am you are awesome. lol

ObliviouslyAware 0

Friday 1 January 2010 14:56

That's what you get for breaking up over the phone.

Ada360 0

Friday 1 January 2010 19:56

Why does this remind me of 'what happens in vegas' when the girl hits the dude in the balls and he's like 'WHY!' and then she's like 'YOU KNOW WHY!' Funny...