Health: Today, I burned my butt on the heater when I tried to warm up... - FML

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By anonymous - 12/03/2012 08:03 - United States

Today, I burned my butt on the heater when I tried to warm up after my shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 680

You deserved it 27 510

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 29/01/2012 05:50 - United States

Today, I was cleaning my room and set my burnt out light bulb on my computer chair without any second thought. Later, I sat on the chair, the light bulb shattered and I got a huge gash on my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 677

You deserved it 30 916

Baked

By Monty - 01/03/2009 08:45 - United States

Today, I was baking cookies. When I took the tray out of the oven, I closed the door, but it bounced back open and hit me in the back of the knees. That caused me to sit down on the hot oven door. I was only wearing my short bathrobe and no underwear. I really burned my ass and, um… stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89 529

You deserved it 15 622

Third degree

By Anonymous - 10/07/2021 06:01

Today, my wife left her curling iron on the bed, which was dangerous enough, but I also accidentally sat on it after my shower. Now I have a burn on the bottom of my balls, which has turned into a painful blister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 490

You deserved it 145

By foolmetwice - 16/05/2011 14:28

Today, I spilt a very hot cup of tea all over a burn I got yesterday from spilling a very hot cup of tea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 097

You deserved it 40 112

By SpontaneousAM - 15/04/2017 14:00 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, while moving my wax burner away from the window, I spilled hot wax all over my hands, the wall, and in my electric fireplace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 111

You deserved it 1 192

By thatchick3333 - 08/03/2012 07:13 - United States

Today, I got burned, all because the toaster scared me while I was holding a pot of boiling water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 489

You deserved it 6 970

Headshot

By home owner - 20/08/2010 06:14 - United States

Today, I was taking a shower for the first time in my new apartment. The shower head broke off the wall and slammed onto my head, while spraying water everywhere. I tried to stop the water, but only stopped the cold and got burnt by the hot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 757

You deserved it 3 365

By Anonymous - 26/06/2012 05:44 - United States

Today, I burned my nose. How? I tried sniffing a lit candle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 218

You deserved it 52 402

By teflon_hammer - 25/05/2016 23:19 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I was taking a shower, facing away from the faucet, when I dropped the soap. When I bent over to pick up the soap, my sister flushed a toilet in the next room, causing hot water to scorch my anus. I got made my shower's bitch, FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 926

You deserved it 1 205

By ouchieouch - 07/01/2011 18:14 - United States

Today, I burned myself while cooking, so I asked my mom to get the burn cream while I waited in the kitchen. While I was waiting, I absentmindedly set my hand on the hot stove, earning myself a second burn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 368

You deserved it 42 863

Next

Top comments

biggestfan23 11

Monday 12 March 2012 15:40

I like burned butts and I cannot lie!

sqeakyclean 7

Monday 12 March 2012 15:51

What's the matter with you?

Comments

grannygruber 6

Monday 12 March 2012 15:55

FYL, sounds like you have depth perception issues!

astralvagan 20

Monday 12 March 2012 15:58

That's a hot piece of ass!

bmwguy01 8

Monday 12 March 2012 16:10

theres a thing called WARM water! Right? or is that just at my house?

thamack408 11

Monday 12 March 2012 16:17

XD i burned my butt before. sad thing is i had a waffle butt >.>

agm77 9

Monday 12 March 2012 18:39

Why would you ever put your butt by a waffle iron?

coried91 28

Tuesday 13 March 2012 3:17

I was wondering the same thing. I can only think of them putting the waffle iron to their ass to burn it. Unless the were dumb enough to not see it on the counter and sit on it.

br0ccoli 14

Monday 12 March 2012 16:31

Get a towel warmer.

muffinXmonster 12

Monday 12 March 2012 16:38

You should probably run that burn under some cold water

a_lenzmeier 11

Monday 12 March 2012 16:38

********** at the end of your shower. You'll have so much blood flowing through your system, you'll stay warm, and feel good.

Preston_Brewer 0

Monday 12 March 2012 16:38

You suck

ankoku 2

Monday 12 March 2012 16:53

Oh BURN!!!

pjmommy 9

Monday 12 March 2012 16:55

Why would you sit naked on a heater anyway

RedPillSucks 31

Monday 12 March 2012 17:10

Tell everyone it's your new tattoo. When you look at it just right, it looks like Abe Lincoln in profile.

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The Top

Today, I got fired because, while responding to an emergency page for the volunteer fire department to help find a man in a field with a gunshot wound, I backed into a rock with the company truck that I drive to and from work. Nobody asked about the guy with the bullet inside him. He's OK now, in case anyone cares. FML

I agree, your life sucks 996

You deserved it 169

Today, while using the bathroom in a small coffee shop, I somehow passed out sitting on the toilet. There is nothing more jarring than waking up to the vicious banging of 7 angry, urine-filled patrons attempting to break down a door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 716

You deserved it 1 270

The Top

Today, I texted my boss to tell him that I'd be late because of a dentist appointment. Auto-correct decided to change "dentist" to "exorcist." So, I ended up sending, "Sorry, I’ll be late today. I have an exorcist appointment." My boss's reply was, "Take all the time you need." Now he looks at me like I’m possessed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 290

You deserved it 314

Today, my dad accused me of being illiterate when I used a word he'd never heard of, saying it sounded like lazy slang, and that it wasn't a real word. He then yelled at me for being a "smartass who's always right" when I read aloud the definition from his 1978 copy of Webster's dictionary. Guess he's not enthused. FML

I agree, your life sucks 536

You deserved it 102

Today, I finally brought a girl home from college. While I was making her some coffee, my roommate came down in her underwear, pretended to be my girlfriend, and asked if we were having a threesome. My date left before I could explain, and my roommate thinks it's fucking hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 144

You deserved it 9 985

Today, I bought a new mailbox to replace the old one that was stolen. Two hours after I put the new mailbox up, the old one was back and the new one was missing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 702

You deserved it 3 743

Today, in front of a group of family, friends, and acquaintances, a guy I hadn't talked to in about two years asked me how rehab was going. In the monstrous silence that followed, I had to awkwardly explain that I work at a nursing home that also functions as a rehabilitation center. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 571

You deserved it 1 526

Today, I got a call at 4 in the morning from the security company, saying someone had broken into my workplace. I drove an hour out there, only to find out it was a rat that had set off the alarm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 558

You deserved it 3 365