Health: Today, I drew a face on a balloon and pretended to make out with...

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By jazthefish - 12/07/2010 19:42 - United States

Today, I drew a face on a balloon and pretended to make out with it. The balloon popped and shot to the back of my throat, where it got caught. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 809

You deserved it 71 743

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Same thing different taste

By ven980 - 01/06/2011 21:21 - United States

Today, I had to blow up an air mattress using only my lungs. After nearly passing out from lack of oxygen, I realized there was a hole in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 847

You deserved it 29 525

By Jared - 25/02/2012 19:09 - United States

Today, I got so bored that I drew a face on my index finger, and made a video of me garrotting it with a string. I ended up rupturing a blood vessel, and had to think up a cover story for my girlfriend to explain my screaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 016

You deserved it 30 882

Classy

By pist off - 05/03/2018 19:00

Today, I felt rain on my face. I looked up and saw a man peeing out of a hot air balloon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 033

You deserved it 313

By E or - 13/07/2010 13:41 - United States

Today, I flew a toy airplane into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 894

You deserved it 40 221

By Anonymous - 18/02/2013 19:11 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was about to make out with my boyfriend, so I quickly swallowed my gum. Moments later, I started choking on the gum, and ended up spitting it out into his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 095

You deserved it 40 048

By doggybag - 24/09/2009 05:17 - Canada

Today, I was walking my dogs. I had a doggy bag, and was holding it closed, then breathing in it, so it would blow up. My dogs 'went', so I picked it up and kept walking. As I was heading home, I absent-mindedly started blowing into the bag again. Everything ended up in my mouth and on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 778

You deserved it 80 949

No good deed, etc.

By Paul - 30/11/2024 14:00 - United States

Today, I saw a little kid struggling with a balloon, so I tried to help tie it for her. It popped in my hands, and she started crying. Then her mom came running up, yelling, "What did you do to my daughter?" I had to run away while saying sorry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 356

You deserved it 143

Cool moves

By littlegirl - 07/05/2011 04:46 - Canada

Today, I was sitting with my crush at lunch. Trying to flirt, I tried to stare seductively into his eyes while sucking on my straw. I missed. The straw shot straight up my nose, causing me the worst nose bleed of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 587

You deserved it 45 368

By Anonymous - 13/03/2011 22:26 - United States

Today, in an attempt to impress a girl I like, I tried to crush a soda can by hitting it with my forehead. Not only did I fail, I knocked myself out in the process. When I regained consciousness, the girl was gone and someone had taken the liberty of drawing a penis on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 764

You deserved it 73 913

Protein source

By Anonymous - 13/08/2021 17:01 - United States - Chicago

Today, a gnat hit my forehead, fell into the space between my glasses and my face, and bounced off my eye while trying desperately to escape. When I tried to get my glasses off, it fell into my mask instead, and I accidentally inhaled it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 905

You deserved it 157

barbarajean 0

Monday 12 July 2010 23:23

Thats what you get for makin out with balloon boy. Damn pedo.

Hannalea_fml 0

Monday 12 July 2010 23:23

Someone needs a life.

Comments

CaliSurferGurl 0

Tuesday 13 July 2010 0:07

Ur smart LOL

Bellis 0

Tuesday 13 July 2010 0:14

*facepalm*

L_M_L_10 0

Tuesday 13 July 2010 0:16

You're not alone. I uninstalled the app and reinstalled and its still glitching!!

kkal 0

Tuesday 13 July 2010 0:26

stupid FIB

lizadunce 0

Tuesday 13 July 2010 0:28

..lol

episode 0

Tuesday 13 July 2010 0:34

can someone say lonely?

bballchamp43 0

Tuesday 13 July 2010 2:20

yes I can. Lonely

episode 0

Tuesday 13 July 2010 2:20

:D! would you like a cookie?

xMunchkinn 0

Tuesday 13 July 2010 0:39

ROFL ! you deserve it for turning to a balloon when you have no one to kiss.

TeeHooligan 0

Tuesday 13 July 2010 0:46

Kissin a baloin? Whhhyy

nldawgsccr22795 0

Tuesday 13 July 2010 1:00

thts hilarious and pathetic at the same time

serj_fml 0

Tuesday 13 July 2010 1:05

lesson learned I hope... always remeber to brush your teeth

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The Top

Today, in the middle of an argument with my wife, our autistic son started calling out tennis scores, which turned out to be his way of keeping score of who was winning the argument. Apparently, by the end, it was 40-love approaching server's deuce point, which I think means I lost the argument badly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 642

You deserved it 233

Today, my boyfriend finally moved out from his parents' house to his friend's flat. Excited that I wouldn't have to be so silent when we had sex anymore, I went over to spend the night. His bedroom is right next to his friend's 4-year-old daughter's room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 119

You deserved it 3 560

The Top

Today, I finally managed to kiss the guy of my dreams. We pulled away and looked into each other's eyes, and he softly said, "You know I'm dating another girl right now, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 192

You deserved it 548

Today, my boyfriend referred to his penis as 'The Eye of Sauron'. It didn't help when he pulled down his foreskin, pointed it in my direction and said 'I see you'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 583

You deserved it 5 610

Today, I asked my mom to help my daughter with Zoom school while I handled an emergency. When I got back, I found out my mom went through my laptop containing all my documents, my emails and even the journal my therapist suggested I keep. She says she was looking for a Zoom link. Yeah right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 313

You deserved it 181

Today, I woke up with my girl laying next to me in bed. When she woke up we started to get hot and heavy but all of a sudden our cat hops on the bed. I guess the cat was more important cause my girl got up started playing it instead of me. Cockblocked by another pussy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 928

You deserved it 8 791

Today, my grandmother gave me a huge speech on being abstinent until marriage. Being the honest person that I am, I told her I wasn't a virgin anymore. Instead of being mad and telling me I was going to hell. She asked me what my favourite things to do sexually were. And told me hers in detail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 263

You deserved it 20 803

Today, I saw a man stuck in his car door by his jacket. I ran over to help him, and his wife hit me with her purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 841

You deserved it 335