Love: Today, I finally went on a date with my crush. When he kissed... - FML

By anon - 21/06/2011 11:52 - United States

Today, I finally went on a date with my crush. When he kissed me goodnight, it made me think of a dying slug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 834

You deserved it 7 272

Christmas: Snowy Joys and Blunders
Enjoy Christmas stories where unexpected gifts and family reunions create lasting memories... and fun! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Couch action

By Mojo_Jojo - 13/06/2009 11:01 - China

Today, my crush came to my house to watch movies with me. We were sitting on the couch when he turned to me and said that he had had a dream about me the night before. I moved in to kiss him, thinking he liked me. He then added that I had fallen of a cliff and he had pissed himself laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 024

You deserved it 6 705

By Mojo - 14/12/2009 17:06 - United Kingdom

Today, my crush took me to a park and told me he loved me. We sat on an old bench and were just about to kiss when I screamed. I now have a huge splinter in my arse and he can't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 564

You deserved it 5 188

By manderz? - 03/08/2016 00:18 - United States - Beach Haven

Today, after having an amazing first date with my long time crush, we ended up going out to dinner. We shared a meal, and it was delicious! This would have been the ultimate dream come true... Except for the part about me throwing up in his car on the way back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 487

You deserved it 1 118

By Anonymous - 26/06/2015 20:08 - United States - Clarksville

Today, after finally spending the night with my longtime crush, it's as if I can still feel her fingers caressing my hair. But wait, no, that's just the head lice she gave me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 344

You deserved it 3 006

By drpepperking10 - 02/07/2016 23:27 - United States

Today, I was kissing my crush for the first time and her tooth fell out into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 360

You deserved it 3 264

By jswag2004 - 11/12/2019 01:00 - United States - Elgin

Today, I finally got the guts to ask out my crush. She said yes and I was really happy. Then I woke up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 888

You deserved it 375

By Sad_Happy_Gorl - 14/06/2019 16:00

Today, after getting together with the guy who I like, and who actually likes me back, he finally kissed me. Unfortunately, he kisses like he’s trying to suck out my soul. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 711

You deserved it 221

Classy

By dontask - 01/10/2010 01:55 - United States

Today, the guy I've been crushing on for years and I finally went on a date. While on the date, he threw up in my purse and stuck tampons up his nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 851

You deserved it 4 428

By ug - 08/07/2009 20:51 - Canada

Today, my crush took me out to lunch. When the waiter came for our orders he ordered onoin rings and looks at me and says, "I won't be kissing anyone tonight anyways." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 742

You deserved it 4 549

Creeped out of here

By Anonymous - 28/11/2015 05:25 - United States

Today, I went on my first date in six years. The guy was unbelievably creepy, and I couldn't wait for it to be over. Right after we finished eating, he told me he loved me, then tried to lean in for a kiss. He looked like he was going to cry when I turned him down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 007

You deserved it 1 972

Next

Top comments

Blueglasscup 18

Tuesday 21 June 2011 15:45

At least you went on a date with your crush!

hook_em 0

Tuesday 21 June 2011 15:50

just one question. how do you know what a dying slug feels like on your lips? do you eat them things or something?

Comments

paulapogo1995 0

Wednesday 22 June 2011 1:50

ahh I know how you feel...the same thing happened to me with my crush but we worked on it and I believe you should also

Skatejock21 0

Wednesday 22 June 2011 2:24

wtf? dying slug? that's mental. I mean... when people say that someone is bad at having sex or kissing, it's all mental. Yeah I can understand practice, nobody is a perfect kisser, but in your case... that's just messed up. I've been married for 19 years, and it's all mental. It's only bad if you put that thought in your mind. Your mind controls the kissing, the lips just do the work. lol ever look at the reality of it?

elisabeth1_fml 0

Wednesday 22 June 2011 2:29

that for me is a total turn off. if he can't kiss properly i say goodbye

chancellortrab 0

Wednesday 22 June 2011 21:54

So if he was your soulmate, a person who makes you happier than anything you'd still leave him if he couldn't kiss? what's with society?

megpie993 0

Wednesday 22 June 2011 2:46

gross....

Blue87 4

Wednesday 22 June 2011 3:04

hahahaha

niralz16 0

Wednesday 22 June 2011 3:31

you know how a dieing slug kisses?? o.O

THEgirlNEXTdoor0_fml 8

Wednesday 22 June 2011 3:47

dont expect much of people

dancerNsinger4li 0

Wednesday 22 June 2011 4:06

Sooo who's the sloppy kisser, you or him? :^)

rainer13 11

Wednesday 22 June 2011 4:37

and that just totally ruined my appetite...

lifesabch 0

Wednesday 22 June 2011 5:01

guys you like are not who you think they are. you only find out later on...

6
7
8
9
10
11
12

Keywords

Holidays Miscellaneous Family Thanksgiving Politics Transportation AITA Am I overreacting? Cars Contraception Love Suspicious Cheating Pregnancy Christmas Scary Sex Awkward Weddings Embarrassing Singing My ex Jealousy Friends Health Poopoo peepee Relatable Therapy Mental health Covid

The Top

Ahoy ship's boys and girls ! Today we're heading to France. Be ready to face rain, storm and beer because Lille is welcoming us, and believe me, it's not Los Angeles. Do you all have your raincoats? -Bonjour ! First of all, present yourself ma jol...

I agree, your life sucks 14

You deserved it 16

...

I agree, your life sucks 12

You deserved it 18

The Top

Today, I've reached the point in my life where the "Apply to affected area" label on acne cream essentially means I need to take a bath in the stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 909

You deserved it 2 002

Today, I was told I needed to start carrying bandaids with me at work because practically every day I hurt myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 171

You deserved it 2 347

Today, I learned the hard way that leaving eye drops in your car all day makes them scorching hot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 302

You deserved it 40 936

Today, whilst sat next to a old lady on a flight back to the UK, I exclaimed how I wished somebody would gag the crying baby a few rows behind us. Her reply was, "That's my grandson." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 142

You deserved it 39 963

Today, my mom chewed me out, because my brother has been complaining to her that I don't talk to him anymore since moving out. We've never talked much, even when we were sharing a place! FML

I agree, your life sucks 766

You deserved it 96

Today, I fired all 12 of my employees, purely out of anger and frustration. Realizing my mistake when I'd calmed down, I called each employee and apologized, asking if they'd come back. Only one said yes. The mailroom clerk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 388

You deserved it 6 575