You should be happy. It could have been cancer. That would suck.

Yeah, fyl for not actually having cancer. I hate it when my doctor tells me that. Sorry, OP.

I'm not sure I can visualize where the lump would be to cause that train of thought, but I'm glad you're okay! Constipation has a much more appealing mortality rate than cancer.

That sucks a lot, but at the same time, WAY better safe than sorry. That's a kind of cancer that people often don't spot. So props to you for being proactive.

glad it's not cancer. "this is a good thing." (Martha Stewart voice)

Surely this isn't a FML?!

Well the next time I get caught with a random erection, I know my excuse!

The OP said, "Oh my word! I thought it was a tumor but instead it's a turd!"

I'm trying to figure out why so many people thought she deserved it. Anatomically, the bowel and female reproductive organs are very near each other so it's understandable how this misunderstanding could happen. And her fear must have been terrible. Clearly OP may need to reexamine her diet, but nobody deserves to think they have cancer if they don't.

Um...not sure how constipation can affect your ******, but I'm not a doctor, so...