Intimacy: Today, I found out that my wife was having sex with my friend....

By Anonymous - 09/01/2011 01:11 - United States

Today, I found out that my wife was having sex with my friend. It turned out that my genius cat realized it wasn't me there and attacked his balls, severely cutting them. I now have to kill my cat and pay for his medical bills to sew his balls back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 399

You deserved it 4 165

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Same thing different taste

By stanDman - 19/01/2009 18:05 - Canada

Today, I was jerking off when my cat jumped out of nowhere and dug his claws into my shaft. Attempting to knock him away resulted in three nasty gashes… that I now have to explain to my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 444

You deserved it 10 471

By good husband - 30/04/2013 16:03 - Canada

Today, I took my wife's cat to the vet for her yearly check up. I'm finishing the day at the hospital with multiple bite wounds and a deep gash in my leg. My wife chose to comfort her cat instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 854

You deserved it 4 625

By Anonymous - 11/08/2018 01:30

Today, I didn't see the cat in the bathroom before I took my pants down, and the beast tore open my ballsack. The doctor says I might lose my left testicle, depending on how the surgery goes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 851

You deserved it 356

Poor little guy

By anonymous - 16/09/2022 02:30 - United States - Maryville

Today, my roommate thought it would be funny to throw my cat in the bathtub while I was in it. I had to go to the emergency room to get my penis stitched up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 349

You deserved it 135

How could you?

By Anonymous - 15/02/2023 07:00 - Estonia

Today, despite me not liking cats, which my wife knew, she got a cat anyway. Her cat went for a walk outside and was hit by a car. I rushed outside to help the cat but found she was already dead, and the culprit had driven away. When my wife found out that her cat was dead, she thought I'd killed her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 206

You deserved it 150

By Anonymous - 04/09/2017 20:00

Today, my girlfriend and I slept naked after a great night together. I awoke to a sharp pain in my penis and found our cat trying a new scratching post. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 144

You deserved it 482

How dare you

By pissed off - 01/07/2012 01:00

Today, my husband staggered home after a night of drinking. He was too intoxicated to find the toilet so he started to pee in the cat's litter box. Apparently, he was invading her territory and she attacked him. His scream as she bit and scratched him must have woken the whole world. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 501

You deserved it 2 628

By iliku - 01/06/2019 02:00

Today, I was having a romantic evening with my new boyfriend, until we walked into my bedroom and discovered that my cat had ripped apart my pads and had spread them all over the place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 501

You deserved it 233

CLAWS

By Attacksloth32 - 09/07/2021 01:59

Today, my cat was sleeping on me while I was laying in bed. I had to use the washroom, so I pushed him off. Except he used my testicles as a way to latch on to me, through my underwear. Let's just say, after having to change the sheets due to blood, I'm considering wearing a jockstrap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 886

You deserved it 232

Doggy dog world

By FidoForever - 20/06/2017 22:00

Today, my wife and I had to rush our dog to the vet for a $700 emergency surgery. The x-ray showed that he had eaten a vibrating cock ring. I've never bought or owned one, so now I've got to deal with the vet bill and lawyer's fees for my soon-to-be ex-wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 949

You deserved it 630

Murn 0

Sunday 9 January 2011 9:17

That cat is a hero.

frenchmanfresh_fml 5

Sunday 9 January 2011 9:15

Genius cat !

Comments

GoodLookingGeese 10

Sunday 9 January 2011 14:00

are you kidding me? keep the cat, kill the bitch!!!

bordemstirs 0

Sunday 9 January 2011 14:00

Put the wife down, reward the cat. And tell you friend he shouldn't dangle his balls where they don't belong.

goodgood_fml 5

Sunday 9 January 2011 14:06

if he sues you for medical, countersue for ruining your marriage. Sounds like a 'wash' to me.

kaceemae 7

Sunday 9 January 2011 14:07

I've never heard of having to "kill" a cat for scratching or even biting anyone. that's what cats do. His nuts probably looked like a cat toy, and he deserved it anyway.

savvy_suzy 0

Sunday 9 January 2011 14:17

Your wife and friend are pathetic and deserve each other. I'm glad there is some karma and the guy got his jewels mangled, though. Please be creative and find a way to keep your cat alive if you want them (there may be a vet who will help you if you explain the situation to them). I would definitely put the relationship down before I put the cat down. Your wife needs to become an ex, very soon.

gingervitus0901 5

Sunday 9 January 2011 14:32

I'd keep the cat, divorce the bitch, wrap up the balls in a package and write 'karma'.

alicec123 0

Sunday 9 January 2011 14:35

maybe the your friend is better off without balls...

Alesana171993 0

Sunday 9 January 2011 14:37

Dude if I was you I'd tell you friend thats your aren't paying for shit and that your not putting your cat down, then tell your bitch of a wife that your getting a divorce and your making sure she doesn't get shit.

Gomerfied 7

Sunday 9 January 2011 14:39

Screw putting hm down....build a shrine to that cat and feed him tuna everyday!! He got what he deserved..make him pay his own medical bills!!

xmarkstheheart 0

Sunday 9 January 2011 14:43

That cat is your best friend!!! Don't do a thing to him...except feed him steak and lobster every night! And sequester him for his protection. Now, as for the guy? He can **** off. The wife? Divorce. It sucks that she was cheating (and with your so-called "friend," no less), but you owe nothing to anyone. Keep your head up and refuse their requests.