Intimacy: Today, I found the list my wife made of the things she was going... - FML

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By fmylifebigtime - 25/02/2012 14:35 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found the list my wife made of the things she was going to give up for Lent. The first one was "Sex with other men". FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 611

You deserved it 3 490

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Same thing different taste

By guest - 01/04/2011 21:33 - United States

Spicy

Today, my wife decided that to help her stop smoking, she's also giving up the things that make her crave a cigarette. Sex is one of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 159

You deserved it 6 677

By ohno - 25/03/2012 13:11 - United States - East Stroudsburg

Spicy

Today, I found out that when my girlfriend said she gave up sex for lent, it was just with me and not my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 766

You deserved it 2 970

Humblebrag

By Anonymous - 05/11/2024 19:00 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, my wife is upset because at a party we took part in an X-rated 'Never Have I Ever', which exposed how filthy I was with past girlfriends, and how boring our sex life is. I’d done almost everything, while she, who’s only ever been with me, had only done 5 things off the list of about 40. FML

I agree, your life sucks 361

You deserved it 299

Tempted?

By Anonymous - 23/10/2023 00:02

Spicy

Today, I found out that my prude wife, who has given up on anything remotely sexually exciting, has been researching swinger clubs. I found out when she “accidentally” texted me a Vice article on the subject. FML

I agree, your life sucks 552

You deserved it 159

Planning

By stargate25 - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Denver

Spicy

Today, my wife sent me a Google Calendar reminder for "sex". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 303

You deserved it 11 991

Permission granted and rejected

By Anonymous - 28/09/2023 04:00

Spicy

Today, my wife lost interest in sex a long time ago. I’ve tried to reignite her interest lately, which culminated in an argument where she gave me permission to go out and shag other women. We might as well divorce at this point if she’s going to say things like that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 687

You deserved it 134

By Anonymous - 15/06/2014 19:22 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I found out that my wife has had more sex in the last two months than I have in our last year of marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 134

You deserved it 6 387

By unlucky_vee_13 - 23/02/2009 22:02 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was talking to my 81-year-old widowed grandmother on the phone, and she told me she was giving up sex for lent. Not only do I now have a vision of my grandma having sex, I am reminded that she is having more sex than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 249

You deserved it 5 064

Was it worth it?

By Anonymous - 20/05/2025 21:00 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, my wife has been super into sex lately, she even let me try some of the stuff she said no to before, and even surprised me with some of the kinky stuff she’s always wanted to try. Sounds great, right? Nope. Turns out she was overcompensating from the guilt of also fucking my coworker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 333

You deserved it 73

By seeminglyunsexy - 14/08/2009 15:53 - United States

Spicy

Today, my wife decided she didn't want to lose weight with me. We were trying to decide on a reward for each pound lost. I suggested sex as the reward. She felt it wasn't fair to punish her just because I lost weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 857

You deserved it 8 011

Next

Top comments

marthagayo 14

Saturday 25 February 2012 19:29

Well, you should give up monogamy!!

AmethystRain 20

Saturday 25 February 2012 19:32

Leave a list laying around for her to find, and make the first item: "marriage".

Comments

DRae90 0

Saturday 25 February 2012 19:49

I would confront her on that one...

bubo_fml 10

Saturday 25 February 2012 19:52

Good to know that for the next 40 days, you're the only one in the puddin' pot!

ruusk 6

Saturday 25 February 2012 22:29

I wanna be dwayne dibbley

jake98899889 4

Saturday 25 February 2012 19:53

Give up being loyal, **** her bestfriend!

XkassieX 6

Sunday 26 February 2012 17:55

Ok even if she cheated don't be going to **** her best friend. Just divorce her. Don't be a dick about things, then you're just as bad as her and you basically cheated as well.

Pelreskovich 11

Saturday 25 February 2012 20:04

That's your hint to get rid of her..

dabram71 1

Saturday 25 February 2012 20:05

One word: YIKES!

HannahWho 8

Sunday 26 February 2012 2:35

One word: divorce.

Ray_of_midnight 22

Saturday 25 February 2012 20:09

Get a full STD panel and then serve her with divorce papers. (Seriously, if she's been screwing other guys, there's no telling what she brought home and gave to you. Herpes, the gift that keeps on giving.)

ravenxcorvinus 9

Saturday 25 February 2012 20:12

ouch. your life doesn't suck, it's BONED.. just like your wife.. *here come the thumbs-down*

l0v3p4in 7

Saturday 25 February 2012 21:59

Your invitation to thumbs down you was too appealing to reject.

Dracoboxer357 35

Saturday 25 February 2012 22:49

Actually, I thumbed her Up for expecting otherwise. :) No real idea why....paradoxical optimism?

doktorjackal 3

Saturday 25 February 2012 20:14

Ditch tha bitch

lefty619 6

Saturday 25 February 2012 20:15

That's scandalous kick that hoe out to the curb

KendalKeller 3

Saturday 25 February 2012 20:19

Failblog hehehehhehehehehehehheehhehehehehhehehehehh

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You deserved it 173

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I agree, your life sucks 38 365

You deserved it 3 519

The Top

Today, I was eating out with my partner, and we decided to use the new lube we bought. Things went great until I later realized I was allergic to it and a large red rash spread all across my mouth and chin. It won't go away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 820

You deserved it 446

Today, I went round to my grandparents' to help set up their new Satellite TV. When I turned it on, for some reason it defaulted to "Arab Babes TV". I was therefore inadvertently responsible for the broadcast of porn in my grandparents' living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 974

You deserved it 4 731

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I agree, your life sucks 26 739

You deserved it 3 122

Today, to add to the pointlessness of my existence, not only have I been rejected from the Army, the Air Force, and the Navy, I received a rejection notice from the Army Reserves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 830

You deserved it 234

Today, while working in my pawn shop, I was showing jewelry to a distinguished lady. I had to fart. I tried to wait. It was too much, so I let it slip silently. As she handled a $2000 necklace, I realized that the 2-foot counter between us would never save her from the foul poisonous cloud that had formed. She realized it too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 807

You deserved it 364

Today, I received our gas bill for about £200. My flatmate felt that this was extortionate and therefore phoned up our gas company and angrily told them to recalculate the bill. They did. We now owe £300. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 560

You deserved it 5 078