Intimacy: Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't...

By RC3Welly - 09/03/2012 22:58 - United States

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 769

You deserved it 1 808

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Same thing different taste

It's a trap!

By RC3Welly - 09/03/2009 22:58 - United States

I agree, your life sucks 636 840

You deserved it 798 618

By fuckmuppeter512 - 04/01/2014 22:26 - United Kingdom

Today, I got a text from my girlfriend. After only having sex once, where I wore a condom and didn't even get to come, she says that she's pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 867

You deserved it 8 699

By ottawaaa - 27/01/2009 22:26 - Canada

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend and as I pulled out to finish I slipped and ended up punching her in the stomach, I came while she was writhing in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 175

You deserved it 10 858

I don't understand!

By Anonymous - 28/11/2019 18:00 - Canada

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when I came. She got pissed and slapped me really hard for cumming inside her because she did not want to get pregnant. 1. I was wearing a condom. 2. She's on the pill. 3. We were having anal sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 003

You deserved it 637

Precaution

By Tai - 31/10/2010 13:30 - Australia

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when I came. She got pissed and slapped me really hard for coming inside her because she didn't want to get pregnant. 1. I was wearing a condom. 2. She's on the pill. 3. We were having anal sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 580

You deserved it 9 940

By sexisntfun - 30/03/2015 02:13 - United States

Today, I was about to lose my virginity to my girlfriend, with whom I am genuinely in love. Right after I'd got the condom on, she said, "You do know this is break-up sex, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 314

You deserved it 3 182

By Marco - 01/04/2013 21:00 - United States

Today, I brought a girl home from a bar. Things were getting hot and heavy when she asked if I had a condom. I opened my wallet to grab the one I keep in there, only to find the empty wrapper in its place; it was the only one I had. It seems drunk me is a bigger jerk than I thought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 015

You deserved it 45 617

By air - 13/07/2009 09:17 - United States

Today, I found out I was pregnant. When I told my boyfriend that I couldn't believe this happened he said, "I'm not going to lie, I didn't always pull out fast." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 672

You deserved it 89 239

Wrap it up

By Anonymous - 03/09/2023 14:00

Today, the one time, THE ONE TIME, we ran out of condoms and had sex anyway, my girlfriend got pregnant, even though she’s on the pill. I didn’t even orgasm inside her, I had to do a Google search to learn that live sperm can emerge and go inside her even before I orgasm. We are so screwed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 245

You deserved it 776

By wtfjusthappened - 31/01/2014 15:29 - United States - Redmond

Today, I went down on the girl of my dreams. While I was down there, I started to put on a condom. As I came back up to start having sex, she told me she couldn't cheat on her boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 819

You deserved it 13 042

citylights 0

Tuesday 10 March 2009 9:07

hahahahahaha that is ******

Anony_fml 0

Tuesday 10 March 2009 9:07

Pull out method doesn't work. You're ****** for life.

Comments

tari_joon 0

Sunday 14 June 2009 3:14

Haha the illustration isn't too bad, but this FML is hilarious. What a catch that girl is!

tari_joon 0

Sunday 14 June 2009 3:37

Also, for people who say 'Haha she was just joking, she's probably on the pill' and 'Why would she want a baby with a stranger anyway?' - I have KNOWN girls who are that desperate for a baby that they have done similar things such as pretending to be on the pill, not just to strangers but to their boyfriends in order to get pregnant. Some girls are nuts. Also, LOL @ #822. I'm so glad I'm a girl.

Pwibble 2

Sunday 14 June 2009 4:47

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexually_transmitted_disease A baby is less of a problem than, for example, HIV. Happily we now have fancy retroviral drugs but you've still just cut your life span in half or more. P.S. Either you should have listened in sex ed or you are a victim of idiotic abstinance only education programs - you release plenty enough sperm to get a girl pregnant while you're having sex so even if you pull out before you expel most of the sperm you're quite likely to get her pregnant. ........ But that girl was freaking weirrrrd.

Daaniellee1234 8

Sunday 14 June 2009 5:03

Heard this one before about 3 weeks ago. Common, I am 14 years old and I even know pulling out doesnt work. Didnt you listen while you were is Sex Ed? While your having sex some sperm still leaks out. God Damn. Totally your fault.

thelarkscaw 0

Sunday 14 June 2009 5:16

wooowwwww. @ all this fighting. bottom line- you CAN still get pregnant with the pullout. also usually the illustrations are kinda lame but this one was pretty funny.

OmniFML 0

Sunday 14 June 2009 5:20

She was probably just some girl that regularly took "the pill" and thought this would be hilarious. ...She was right.

deadandgone 0

Sunday 14 June 2009 5:33

LMAO!!! This was one of the first FMLs I ever read and one of my all time favs!! Hilarious.

lilceej 0

Sunday 14 June 2009 5:37

#667 and whoever else said the pull-out method works... maybe it does for a bit, but it's a ticking time bomb. I don't know what website you looked under, but according to most medical professionals, pre-ejaculate and secretions during sex CAN and usually DO contain sperm. It's a risk not worth taking. Plus, the whole STD's thing is KIND OF important.

aquariusbeauty 0

Sunday 14 June 2009 5:45

**** both yer lives.

beg2dream 0

Sunday 14 June 2009 5:50

#9 that is true, but at the same time she may have known she was ovulating. I had a friend that would go out on the nights she was ovulating and have sex with guys. It worked for her!