Animals: Today, I was eating at a restaurant patio with a few friends....

By MJ3105 - 07/05/2009 11:36 - Israel

Today, I was eating at a restaurant patio with a few friends. After the waitress cleaned up our table there was a drop of mayonnaise on the table. I wiped it with my finger and licked it. It wasn’t mayo, it was bird shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 172

You deserved it 153 054

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Same thing different taste

By #201 - 05/02/2009 13:23 - United States

Today, I was eating ice cream and I noticed some on my jeans so I wiped it off with my finger and licked it. It was bird shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 472

You deserved it 16 558

By pass me the fucking rope - 18/06/2016 13:17 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, just when I thought my day couldn't get any worse, a bird shat on my lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 450

You deserved it 943

Surprise strike

By Anonymous - 28/06/2020 20:02

Today, as I was walking home with dinner, a pigeon pooped on my leg like a dive bomb. My hands were full carrying the food, so I had to walk the rest of the way with a smear on my jeans that everyone knew what it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 367

You deserved it 190

From a great height

By Anonymous - 08/05/2021 21:59

Today, I was sitting on the back porch with my husband. I felt two raindrops land on my head, so I said we should go inside because it was starting to rain. It turned out to just be a bird shitting on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 003

You deserved it 132

Nice bird

By Sick - 01/01/2020 01:00 - Netherlands - Ede

Today, a bird shit on my jacket whilst smoking, I cleaned it and went back outside, and got shit on again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 810

You deserved it 992

By poopedon - 26/04/2009 03:10 - Canada

Today, I was at the beach and fell asleep in the sun. When I woke up, there was a blob of sunscreen on my leg. Thinking it was my boyfriend who was sweet enough to squeeze sunscreen for me, I rubbed it into my leg. After smelling my hands, I discovered it was bird poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 998

You deserved it 18 158

By yuck - 09/12/2018 03:30 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I was out riding and a seagull pissed on me. It got in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 628

You deserved it 244

By Anonymous - 04/08/2016 21:25

Today, I made myself a snack. I took a seemingly clean plate from the sink which had been used earlier for scrambled eggs. Only after I'd made the snack did I remember I let my dog lick the plate clean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 996

You deserved it 15 592

Spice

By Anonymous - 07/04/2021 04:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I dropped some food on the floor and picked it back up, took a bite, and quickly realised it had toenail cuttings in it. I never cut my toenails in my dining room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 442

You deserved it 978

I am very hungry

By I'mSoHungry - 11/01/2020 08:00 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, a bird flew into the workshop where I work, gave itself a tour of the place, then promptly pooped on my lunch and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 332

You deserved it 197

youmakemyday_fml 0

Thursday 7 May 2009 16:07

ughh...why would you eat something that landed on the table anyway?? wouldn't you wipe it off with a napkin...

ozymandias_fml 0

Thursday 7 May 2009 16:09

You are a disgusting person. Even if it was mayo, that is disgusting. Who a) eats random condiments they find b) especially when splattered on a disgusting public table?

Comments

EveryDayJackAss 0

Saturday 9 May 2009 1:53

holy mother of **** that is GROSS!!! whew and speaking of birdshit....all those pigeons attempts to rain shit on me failed ^_^ but those were closes calls.....but seriously...licking bird shit!? wdf did it taste like? o_O

sassabrat 0

Saturday 9 May 2009 2:00

yeah, that would be why you don't lick stuff off the table... not to mention it's unsanitary anyway

b_reagan1 0

Saturday 9 May 2009 2:14

You MIGHT be a redneck if...

happypink_fml 0

Saturday 9 May 2009 3:31

wtf is wrong with you? why do you eat random foods off a table..especially if its mayo...thats not the kinda thing you eat on its own!!

Odile13 0

Saturday 9 May 2009 4:01

ahhhh why the **** would you have licked mayo?!?!?!

Phallus_fml 0

Saturday 9 May 2009 5:56

Why mess your fingers? You should've used your tongue straight on the table. By the way, you're disgusting!

Beth79 0

Saturday 9 May 2009 6:19

What's with everyone freaking out about eating stuff off the table? Most of the plates, utensils and cookingware used in restaurants are unhygienic and barely fit to eat off of either, yet everyone does....I'm assuming if OP ate something off a table it at least looked sanitary and wasn't like, crusted with grime or anything. Stop being germophic; there are probably more germs on your fingers than there are on a freshly-cleaned table. You're not going to die from eating something off a table, jeez.