Intimacy: Today, I was so sexually frustrated that I tried getting off... - FML

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By Kyra.45 - 03/10/2013 22:46 - United States - Troy

Spicy

Today, I was so sexually frustrated that I tried getting off with a banana. It was not enjoyable, for me or the banana. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 191

You deserved it 32 507

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Same thing different taste

WTF dude?

By lunarstrain - 08/11/2011 06:11 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend trying to have sex with a piece of fruit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 151

You deserved it 8 545

By Anonymous - 15/02/2014 22:44 - United States - Carlisle

Spicy

Today, I told my husband how frisky I was feeling, and asked him what he was going to do about it. He reached into our fruit bowl, tossed me a banana and told me to work it out, then returned to his video game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 830

You deserved it 8 836

Work on your skills

By banana - 26/02/2009 03:01 - United States

Spicy

Today, I decided to practice putting a condom on with my mouth. Then my roommate walked in on me using my mouth to roll a condom onto a banana. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 935

You deserved it 74 584

By potassiumgirl - 11/04/2012 19:53 - United States - Hollywood

Spicy

Today, I was eating a banana, and decided to practice my blowjob skills, since my boyfriend is always complaining that I'm bad at giving head. Let's just say my lungs now have their daily dose of potassium. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 064

You deserved it 38 905

By Jaws - 10/02/2011 16:09 - France

Today, I got slapped in the face by my girlfriend with a banana skin, because I finished up the chocolate cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 781

You deserved it 38 601

By Patricia - 01/10/2011 23:30 - United States

Spicy

Today, I tried to have sex with my boyfriend three times, but every time he insisted that he wasn't in the mood. I left to get food and when I came home, he was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 583

You deserved it 5 725

By bill219 - 07/12/2012 22:40 - United States - Dallas

Spicy

Today, I was at the breakfast table when my sister started eating a banana. Before I knew what was happening, I'd somehow popped a boner. I had to wait for her to leave before I could stand up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 241

You deserved it 26 096

Hard to believe

By Anonymous - 02/01/2020 18:00

Spicy

Today, I tried to have sex with my boyfriend three times, but every time he insisted that he wasn't in the mood. I left to get food and when I came home he was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 392

You deserved it 583

Disappointed

By WhatALetdown - 25/11/2015 00:26 - United States - Danbury

Spicy

Today, I had sex with the guy who had been the main subject of my bean-flicking fantasies since I met him. It was the absolute worst sex of my life. I guess some things are just better left to the imagination. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 649

You deserved it 5 539

Why so serious?

By DwarfFrog - 18/06/2012 11:38 - United States

Today, my grandmother threatened to kill herself with a banana. She then got angry with me when I didn't attempt to get the banana away from her. My mom punished me because I didn't take the situation seriously enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 449

You deserved it 3 393

Next

Top comments

Charryboo 11

Friday 4 October 2013 8:28

sounds fruity!

Ramanella 26

Friday 4 October 2013 8:30

Umm, maybe walk that extra mile to get the proper toys you need op. I know I should but I don't feel any real sympathy for you. Maybe a little, but not a whole lot.

Comments

nickmen 3

Sunday 6 October 2013 6:26

Plot twist Op is a guy

redmnky21 8

Sunday 6 October 2013 7:53

I recommend California Exotics Sophia's Magical Dragon Vibrator, it's just amazing

mesahus 5

Sunday 6 October 2013 8:57

Which end?

dongol_ram 9

Sunday 6 October 2013 15:46

Did ya broke it.

processengineer 9

Sunday 6 October 2013 21:32

get a rabbit from amazon...

jeniaisling 6

Wednesday 9 October 2013 9:19

Disgusting. Go to an adult store and spend the $20 on a *****.

tournamentdecide 33

Monday 4 August 2014 0:06

OP may not be 18

tigerlilytracey 6

Wednesday 9 October 2013 11:34

u really tossed that fruit salad!

bdub31 11

Wednesday 9 October 2013 17:19

Wow there should always be some kind of help around.

Llamanator9913 16

Sunday 13 October 2013 10:00

You can ********** with a banana?

PariahDark 3

Saturday 19 October 2013 3:58

Cucumbers work better if you dont have a *****.

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The Top

Today, my girlfriend is at work, leaving me with her needy son again. If I don't play with him, he cries and throws a fit. If I don't clean the house, she will cry and throw a fit when she gets home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 349

You deserved it 272

Today, my girlfriend and I had gotten tipsy and found ourselves in the bedroom. We started to fool around and she leaned over to put her watch on the nightstand. I tried to undo her bra, which surprised her, because she elbowed me in the nose so hard that I ended up passing out from the pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 174

You deserved it 8 011

The Top

Today, I realized how much I hate my girlfriend, when I got excited as the doctor told me I should refrain from having sex for the next two months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 812

You deserved it 31 459

Today, my coworker called me a liar when I said I've been to New York. This is the same psycho who honestly expects me to believe that she and Brad Pitt have a "thing" and that he secretly communicates with her through interviews on TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 899

You deserved it 1 816

Today, at work, a woman came up to the snack bar and ordered a pretzel with no salt. When I served her the food, she angrily complained about it having no salt, followed by her throwing the whole thing in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 222

You deserved it 3 458

Today, I spent a lot of effort making sure my roommate had a good birthday. We've hooked up in the past, and a mutual friend of ours is staying the night. Also someone I've made out with before. We were hanging out and the vibes were good, but when I initiated a cuddle puddle, they declined. Now they are hooking up without me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 109

You deserved it 285

Today, I realized that my new boyfriend only showers about once every ten days, and to get him to shower more often I have to bribe him with oral sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 900

You deserved it 22 206

Today, I woke up to find my cat had knocked my phone into the toilet. As I fished it out, soaking wet, I thought, "Well, at least it's water-resistant." Turns out, my phone wasn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 372

You deserved it 261