Intimacy: Today, I was so sexually frustrated that I tried getting off... - FML

By Kyra.45 - 03/10/2013 22:46 - United States - Troy

Spicy

Today, I was so sexually frustrated that I tried getting off with a banana. It was not enjoyable, for me or the banana. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 182

You deserved it 32 498

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Same thing different taste

WTF dude?

By lunarstrain - 08/11/2011 06:11 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend trying to have sex with a piece of fruit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 143

You deserved it 8 543

By Anonymous - 15/02/2014 22:44 - United States - Carlisle

Spicy

Today, I told my husband how frisky I was feeling, and asked him what he was going to do about it. He reached into our fruit bowl, tossed me a banana and told me to work it out, then returned to his video game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 809

You deserved it 8 832

Work on your skills

By banana - 26/02/2009 03:01 - United States

Spicy

Today, I decided to practice putting a condom on with my mouth. Then my roommate walked in on me using my mouth to roll a condom onto a banana. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 928

You deserved it 74 572

By potassiumgirl - 11/04/2012 19:53 - United States - Hollywood

Spicy

Today, I was eating a banana, and decided to practice my blowjob skills, since my boyfriend is always complaining that I'm bad at giving head. Let's just say my lungs now have their daily dose of potassium. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 058

You deserved it 38 886

By Jaws - 10/02/2011 16:09 - France

Today, I got slapped in the face by my girlfriend with a banana skin, because I finished up the chocolate cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 776

You deserved it 38 591

By Patricia - 01/10/2011 23:30 - United States

Spicy

Today, I tried to have sex with my boyfriend three times, but every time he insisted that he wasn't in the mood. I left to get food and when I came home, he was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 567

You deserved it 5 721

By bill219 - 07/12/2012 22:40 - United States - Dallas

Spicy

Today, I was at the breakfast table when my sister started eating a banana. Before I knew what was happening, I'd somehow popped a boner. I had to wait for her to leave before I could stand up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 233

You deserved it 26 087

Hard to believe

By Anonymous - 02/01/2020 18:00

Spicy

Today, I tried to have sex with my boyfriend three times, but every time he insisted that he wasn't in the mood. I left to get food and when I came home he was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 375

You deserved it 579

Disappointed

By WhatALetdown - 25/11/2015 00:26 - United States - Danbury

Spicy

Today, I had sex with the guy who had been the main subject of my bean-flicking fantasies since I met him. It was the absolute worst sex of my life. I guess some things are just better left to the imagination. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 642

You deserved it 5 533

Why so serious?

By DwarfFrog - 18/06/2012 11:38 - United States

Today, my grandmother threatened to kill herself with a banana. She then got angry with me when I didn't attempt to get the banana away from her. My mom punished me because I didn't take the situation seriously enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 442

You deserved it 3 390

Next

Top comments

Charryboo 11

Friday 4 October 2013 8:28

sounds fruity!

Ramanella 26

Friday 4 October 2013 8:30

Umm, maybe walk that extra mile to get the proper toys you need op. I know I should but I don't feel any real sympathy for you. Maybe a little, but not a whole lot.

Comments

asherm 15

Friday 4 October 2013 23:59

Get a great vibrator!

83babynique 7

Saturday 5 October 2013 0:57

Or the banana will.....

laurapiggy 3

Saturday 5 October 2013 1:25

Vibrator!? Get one.

thapora 8

Saturday 5 October 2013 1:40

Ever herd of buying a *****/vibrator? Leave the poor banana alone lol

taziiscool 5

Saturday 5 October 2013 2:31

Did you get banana herpes?

jsc9306 14

Saturday 5 October 2013 3:52

That sucks!

an3ph 20

Saturday 5 October 2013 3:59

Just think about that poor banana. *winces

pistolpete31000 7

Saturday 5 October 2013 4:07

The banana might have liked it! I'm a banana I'm a banana I'm a banana!! Ahh that just popped into my head

blayzie420 7

Saturday 5 October 2013 4:25

daaaayuuummm...that's. ...freaky.

irritatedone 5

Saturday 5 October 2013 6:12

Just buy a *****.

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USA, USA, USA; well, almost. Today we're not welcoming a French artist, not even an American artist, but an artist from... oh, you'll see! Are you in a hurry or something? Why can't we just sit down, have a nice cup of tea and talk about the future? ...

I agree, your life sucks 10

You deserved it 15

Today, I noticed a flashy car badly parking itself in a handicapped space. I hate the asshats who do this, so I went up to berate the driver. After an opening salvo of coarse language, a glint of light on his wheelchair in the back caught my eye. I then had to apologise for being a shitehawk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 623

You deserved it 42 687

The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 148

You deserved it 563

Today, I woke up to an unexpected surprise for my birthday. It wasn't cake, nor ice cream. It was hundreds of baby spiders crawling all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 889

You deserved it 2 506

Today, I was online dating and a girl from high school messaged me. Thinking she might have matured since we're now in our 40's, I messaged back. She then said it was a joke and that I'm still a desperate, pathetic nerd trying to score with the hottest girl in class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 343

You deserved it 349

Today, now that my daughter is going through a phase where she can't sleep alone, I let her sleep in the room with me under the condition that she let me sleep. Message received. She took care not to wake me while placing about 30 stickers in my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 346

You deserved it 818

Today, I had to drink the most vile and disgusting medicinal treatments I could ever imagine. Then I had to drink it again when I threw up the first batch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 621

You deserved it 4 658

Today, I complimented a guy on his Van Gogh costume. As it turns out, he had an infection in his ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 260

You deserved it 1 612