By Anonymous - 13/12/2013 21:41 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my boyfriend randomly decided to let me know that he believes there's really no such thing as cheating, unless both partners explicitly agree that the relationship is monogamous. And no, he wouldn't agree that ours is. FML
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Same thing different taste

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Top comments

jessBeAqueen 13

at least he's being honest that he doesn't want to be in a monogamous relationship. if your not ok with being in an open relationship then time to move on.

211 29

Comments

lalaney 14

Yes, it definitely sounds like he's trying to justify having already cheated. As a poly person, I abhor this. Nonmonogamy does not mean you get a pass to do whatever you want, it means you have to communicate, agree, talk out and be conbsiderate A LOT.

14 2
perdix 29

He is right. If you two didn't explicitly agree to be exclusive, you can't assume that he won't screw other girls. Sorry that you made assumptions that turned out to not be true. If you can't accept his terms of the relationship, dump him and find someone who is on your wavelength.

6 18
WellThatSucked89 13

He should have mentioned this fact BEFORE. And then OP tried to be clear what they are looking for. Definitely F ops Life.

3 0
Axel5238 29

I gotta agree if she just kinda assumed they were dating exclusively, but never officially asked he may have thought that it was a friends with benefits or an open relationship. Though that's probably giving him too much credit. It sounds like he's just trying to justify his shitty behavior.

2 4
perdix 29

#35, 37, we just don't know. I remember the ritual of declaring exclusivity and ending "dating around." We don't know if the boyfriend made such a statement and was just lying or if the OP just assumed this was in effect. Without all the facts, it's hard to know who to support. If the OP wants exclusivity, she needs to find someone else.

3 5
littlekellilee 45

I agree. This is hard to know. I dated a guy once who "hated labels" and when I asked about being exclusive he responded with "well I'm only dating you right now. Isn't that enough?" So I broke up with him because I needed it more defined. He was devastated, and was apparently actually very monogamous with me, he just didn't want to say it. It was very confusing. Long story short, you need to get a clear understanding of what's what in a relationship, because you may think the guy is your boyfriend, but he may think you're his Wednesday girlfriend. He could have just assumed you knew.

5 1
dannnngthatsux 19

Sorry he was hurt but if he really meant he cares he would have a different way to say that made you feel ok. You have to remember as an adult that connotation means the world in communicating. I say 5 minutes, she knows that means 10. She says in a few minutes, I know that means now. Responsibility sucks to me, duties are much better. To her they are the same.

0 1
frizz101 22

No 33, you go into a relationship because you want to be exclusive, if you want an open relationship (which personally is not a relationship, just glorified friends with benefits) you have to agree on that upfront, before you start the actual relationship.

2 0
sempiternal80816 9

what a fag. burn him up asap. and hide the ashes before the FBI starts asking questions.

0 1
mccrightp 29

Well...damn! Sorry op. At least he's giving you a heads up so you can dump him.

0 2
worldclassrager 39

Well that turned sour...hope your next one is better...actually it will be...

0 6
muleta30 9

Doesn't sound like he understands how a relationship generally works.

1 1