Love: Today, my deranged wife somehow became convinced that vampires...

By Anonymous - 04/11/2012 18:14 - Norway - Oslo

Today, my deranged wife somehow became convinced that vampires actually exist. She's now walking around with garlic powder caked into her clothing. I can't get the smell out of my nostrils. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 788

You deserved it 2 374

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Same thing different taste

By Vampprobs - 25/03/2014 01:52 - United States - Skandia

Today, my neighbor called the police for the seventh time because he's convinced I'm a vampire. He's also gotten in the habit of leaving garlic cloves in my yard. My parents come next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 148

You deserved it 3 223

LET ME OUT!

By Anonymous - 16/03/2023 14:00 - United States

Today, I got stuck in an elevator with a group of people who smelled like they bathed in garlic. It was so bad that I'm pretty sure Dracula would have tried to claw his way out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 693

You deserved it 103

Minor threat

By Anonymous - 15/12/2012 12:33 - Australia - Fairfield

Today, after my girlfriend has recently become obsessed with the serial-killer show Dexter, she has grown an interest in cutting up pomegranates in many different ways and squirting the red, blood-like juice everywhere. I'm now afraid to argue with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 480

You deserved it 3 445

By shastadoe - 06/08/2012 06:37 - United States - Los Banos

Today, my boyfriend told me he was a vampire. I burst out in laughter and said he was ridiculous. He looked at me in disgust and said he couldn't be with someone who didn't trust and believe in him. I'm now single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 621

You deserved it 5 862

I can explain

By 1nn0cen7 1 sw3ar - 06/05/2022 14:00

Today, I had to walk through the women's perfume section to get to my normal aftershave. A woman was trying out a perfume, which she squirted on herself and me. You can imagine the afternoon I had to endure after I got home to my wife and she could smell "some slut's scent" all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 029

You deserved it 175

J'ACCUSE!

By Anonymous - 15/01/2024 14:00 - United States - Sterling

Today, after I'd been working a 14-hour day, my wife texted me to tell me how she would like to kill me. Apparently, the lid to the garlic container was not screwed on tight enough and it spilled all in the fridge. How is that my fault? FML

I agree, your life sucks 443

You deserved it 157

By Anonymous - 12/08/2015 17:50 - United States

Today, my psycho ex got into my wedding ceremony and attacked my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 928

You deserved it 2 511

By xBubbles38 - 18/07/2011 15:17 - United States

Today, I woke up to a scream downstairs. My 13 year-old daughter was trying to bite her little brother's neck. No matter how hard I try, she will not believe that she is NOT and NEVER WILL BE a vampire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 959

You deserved it 6 278

By bleachingmykidsbrains - 01/07/2015 23:38 - Canada - Montréal

Today, my mother-in-law started chasing my kids around her house to make them smell her freshly-washed underwear. They were thongs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 785

You deserved it 1 730

By whyme - 07/02/2012 06:38 - United States

Today, I walked into the house only to be greeted by the strongest smell of dung. I asked my mom about it, and it turns out she's been airing these strange herbs throughout the house, most of which are in my bedroom. She won't let me open the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 742

You deserved it 2 120

Callyn 47

Monday 5 November 2012 0:56

Get her to a mental health professional. If she's that delusional, she needs medical care.

JustKittyKat 24

Monday 5 November 2012 0:57

At least she isn't one of those people praying everyday to become one.

Comments

HunterAlpha1 8

Monday 5 November 2012 20:18

i like the smell and taste of garlic, but that would be a bit much.

KiddNYC1O 20

Monday 5 November 2012 22:26

If it seeps trough the skin when eaten, imagine actually wearing it.

berkeleyjake 13

Monday 5 November 2012 23:12

So what? I love the smell of garlic. Ooh even better, tell her vampires hate the smell of steak and people who have had sex in the last 12 hours

Special_Psycho 8

Monday 12 November 2012 3:44

That's genius! I gotta keep that in mind in case I get a crazy girlfriend who has some irrational fear like that!

PinkPitbull04 3

Tuesday 6 November 2012 0:29

Loco!!

nonnicus 2

Tuesday 6 November 2012 2:47

Hhhuuu

Frogfreak05 4

Tuesday 6 November 2012 3:12

vampires are real. believe me or not, they are but they definatly not like twilight ones haha, anyway, but they are real, believe me

drunkandfml 11

Tuesday 6 November 2012 14:07

Well did you find out if she was team Edward or team Jacob?

leahmae88 7

Wednesday 7 November 2012 1:28

Well, that's a sure way to repel everyone around her, not just vampires.

jayzyone 4

Wednesday 7 November 2012 19:08

Yeah either that or she wants to to get the hell out but lacks nerve to tell you

Special_Psycho 8

Sunday 11 November 2012 17:09

OK, three things: 1. Vampires are real but they aren't magical animated corpses that get destroyed in sunlight or sparkle 2. Garlic has no effect on vampires cos if it did I can think of some people who'd be dead by now 3. Drench your idiot wife with soapy water ASAP!