Intimacy: Today, my girlfriend jumped, naked, onto my computer desk, with... - FML

By kneesarethenewdesk - 19/08/2009 22:38 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend jumped, naked, onto my computer desk, with the intention of having sex on it. A new, £250 computer desk, broken beyond repair. And we didn't even have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 331

You deserved it 7 694

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Same thing different taste

Seventh heaven

By Egyptian ToyBoy - 17/12/2019 20:00

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. She had such an uncontrollable, aggressive orgasm that I'd be celebrating my efforts, if only in the process she hadn't knocked over my new expensive laptop, which then split in half. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 876

You deserved it 470

By Anonymous - 13/12/2009 08:39 - United States

Spicy

Today, I came home and saw my girlfriend on the computer. I decided to sex things up and sneak up on her naked from behind. Apparently, she was video-chatting with her friends at the time. They saw everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 961

You deserved it 25 334

By burb - 25/09/2013 19:23 - Germany - Berlin

Today, I invited my new girlfriend over for the first time. My roommate thought it would be funny to go on a porn site on my computer and leave it up. She saw it, freaked out, slapped me, and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 030

You deserved it 3 904

By Crawling - 25/10/2008 16:56

Today, my girlfriend came over to my place, looking drop dead gorgeous. However, she preferred the idea of sleeping, and here I am on my laptop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 051

You deserved it 10 261

By Anonymous - 22/12/2010 13:09 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Instead of having breakup sex, she tidied my room. She said it gave her more pleasure than any time we'd ever had sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 114

You deserved it 14 010

By picaboo - 10/08/2009 16:41 - Singapore

Spicy

Today, I bought a new computer. I gave my old one to my mother. After handing it over and going home, I realised I forgot to change the background picture, a naked photo of my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 085

You deserved it 68 409

By Anon - 05/12/2009 14:19 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try cybersex, because we rarely see each other these days. We only used text. Halfway through, I noticed that she started being more demanding. As it turns out, my girlfriend had left the room and her older brother had walked in and taken over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 240

You deserved it 17 258

Hello everyone!

By Anonymous - 18/04/2020 08:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were sexting, and he asked me if I would be naked and waiting for him when he got home. When he told me he was on his way, I took my clothes off and got into bed. What he didn’t tell me was he was bringing friends to pick up a desk from our place for their office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 085

You deserved it 373

Haters Gonna Hate

By apparentlyweird - 28/08/2018 22:00

Today, my dad's new girlfriend's daughter came over with them. She had a tantrum because my brand new computer, which I worked and saved for, was better than her notebook, which was bought for her. So what did she do? Oh, she threw it off my desk. For some reason I'm being yelled at. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 035

You deserved it 240

By Anonymous - 18/07/2013 19:01 - Netherlands - Herkenbosch

Spicy

Today, I tried coming on to my fiancé. He just pushed me off and got out of bed, saying he wasn't in the mood. A half hour later, I caught him jerking off to several windows of porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 478

You deserved it 6 678

Next

Top comments

marinja 0

Thursday 20 August 2009 1:27

apparenly your computer desk isn't the only thing that's 250 pounds...

xiambam 4

Thursday 20 August 2009 1:11

Eh, at least she had good intentions. : lol

Comments

BritishHobo 0

Thursday 20 August 2009 1:49

You have a girlfriend who wants to have sex with you. Yeah, **** your life... :S

Nakedsquirrel 5

Thursday 20 August 2009 1:49

Is she fat, or were you conned into buying some shitty toothpick thing with a coat of varnish on it? Perhaps both. My computer desk is extremely bulky and sturdy.

F_fatchick_lives 0

Thursday 20 August 2009 1:53

I'm thinking the same thing. Probably fat, fat girls are the horniest after all. Sorry OP :(

fxd11 0

Thursday 20 August 2009 1:59

YDI for having a desk.

cassiljiha 0

Thursday 20 August 2009 6:58

bahahahahaha

thereitgo 1

Thursday 20 August 2009 1:59

YDI for having a fat girlfriend.

coolkiid999 0

Sunday 16 January 2011 1:27

that is so stupid why does everyone just assume she was fat its people like you who make girls have eating disorders I bet you're fat and just pretending you're not! :P asshole!!

bobby222 0

Thursday 20 August 2009 2:03

YDI for having a blonde **** of a girlfriend. PUTRID!!!

aristos_achaion 0

Thursday 20 August 2009 2:06

Wow...that's a poorly built desk... Really "computer desks" are overrated. Track down a good antique desk...mine fits my computer fine and is built like a tank.

great_lawl 0

Thursday 20 August 2009 2:11

hahah i love your username

fmelanieslife 0

Thursday 20 August 2009 2:12

Warantee?

wellinever 5

Thursday 20 August 2009 14:25

Explanation of claim?

PrinceTwilight17 0

Thursday 20 August 2009 2:26

So the desk was 250 pounds along with your girlfriend?

jonny2x4 0

Thursday 20 August 2009 4:18

The OP meant the desk cost 250 British pounds. At the current exchange rate, that desk costs $413 USD. That pretty expensive.

Sun_Kissed18 25

Thursday 20 August 2009 4:31

And Prince Twilight (love the name btw ;)) was making a joke, the desk was a lot of money and the girl is fat. Laugh. Ha ha.

PrinceTwilight17 0

Thursday 20 August 2009 4:40

i know what the **** money is called in the UK!!

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Keywords

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The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 47 511

You deserved it 15 067

Today, I was been accused of stealing lunches from the fridge at work. I’m a huge germaphobe and would NEVER eat someone else’s food, but because I’m the fattest one in the office, everyone automatically blamed me. Hashtag fatgirlproblems. FML

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You deserved it 155

The Top

Today, I had to have a very difficult and awkward conversation with my best friend about her fiancé hitting on me. She seemed completely unfazed and ended up admitting that a three-way with me was actually her idea, but she didn't want to "weird me out" by asking me about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 623

You deserved it 378

Today, I marked 3 weeks since meeting my crazy new landlady. Apparently I can't use the dishwasher because "there's no soap", can't bring the trash cans into the garage to keep the bears from getting it, and have to sweep before the cleaning service comes because "it's not their job". FML

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You deserved it 231

Today, my doctor confirmed I’m pregnant, but she phrased it as, “I’ve got some bad news for you, you’re pregnant.” I could be wrong but should a health professional automatically assume a pregnancy is unwanted? Plus she’s spent months helping us with fertility advice. FML

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You deserved it 128

Today, I finally got a good seat on a plane. I don't know what the man next to me had eaten, but I was trapped for two hours next to him as he let out silent, deadly egg farts the entire trip. There was nowhere to escape. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 378

You deserved it 1 606

Today, my mom turned off all internet access in our house because she thought I spent too much time on the computer. She later asked me why she couldn't get on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 215

You deserved it 2 211

Today, I went out clubbing and hit the dance floor, hoping to impress some girls with my moves. All I got was a bunch of weird looks and was told by one girl that I'm the "whitest black guy" she's ever seen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 453

You deserved it 3 643