By Anonymous - 20/09/2013 04:57 - United States - Santa Barbara

Spicy
Today, my husband wanted me to "spice up" our sex life. I guess he didn't count on me vomiting when he came in my mouth. We won't be getting intimate again for a long, long time now. FML
I agree, your life sucks 53 690
You deserved it 12 061
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Same thing different taste

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Top comments

nnnope 26

cool story. don't tell it again.

252 11

Comments

graceinsheepwear 33

38, I am a woman.

20 69
perdix 29

I don't think ipecac counts as a "spice."

19 6
NoFlippinWai 24

Semen is less expensive than Ipicac. Next time Op needs to vomit She will know what to do.

13 2
Achall91 17

Well that depends on how much your male prostitute charges.

0 0
graceinsheepwear 33

38 said I must be a lonely man. How am I getting downvotes for clarifying that I am a woman? So ridiculous.

12 77
katties 27

I do understand that spicing things up can be necessary sometimes, but no one should be surprised with such things! And for those who thinks that semen doesn't taste bad, it definitely does if you 1) smoke 2) drink 3) eat spicy food (worst of all!!!) 3) eat asparagus and can be very different in texture - lumpy is definitely not preferred. I say this sounds like a traumatic experience and I hope you get over it soon OP.

15 4
TheDrifter 23

Lumpy? Never had that one. Is that what happens to married men when they go too long between sessions (as OP is threatening to do to her husband)? Does it go bad and curdle?

2 10
Jemm_fml 29

Try if your s.o. does all of the above! Swallowing that is a true sign of love. That rhymed.

6 2
NoFlippinWai 24

No. High sperm count makes the semen thicker in texture. I personally prefer it.

4 11
TheDrifter 23

Relax, it's a joke. If you can take a Dick, you can take a joke. Semen gets thicker as the sperm count increases, but her use of "lumpy" as a descriptor had me picturing cottage cheese consistency semen.

4 5
Enslaved 36

Spit it out (maybe in a cup) just like in "American Pie". Just make sure no one drinks the Pale ale. :P That sucks that this experience has stopped you from getting intimate "other ways". I hope your husband understands. Not everyone enjoys swallowing. But saying your husband wanted you to "spice up" your sex life, makes my think that there might be something he feels in lacking so. . . I hope you don't give up expanding ways you can learn to pleasure one another. Perhaps until you get there he can save the "money shot" for some place farther south.

19 3
NoFlippinWai 24

"save the money shot for some place further south" omg. lol. Thank you. that was awesome.

10 4
langoustine_fml 10

Worst set of comments to read at breakfast. A glass of wine before hand helps. But ask for it again sooner than later, even if you take it elsewhere. Imagine if he threw up after going down on you. Slight blow to the ego.

17 7
Sh3lbs 6

I agree but I think that's a little different. You can gag yourself on a penis, never heard of someone choking on pussy.

15 2
TheDrifter 23

I've seen pussy that would gag a maggot. Not all women are good at keeping up on their hygiene. And OP choked on the sperm, not the Dick.

2 10
Jemm_fml 29

hahahaha, gag a maggot. I'm so remembering this one. :D

5 4
Sh3lbs 6

@112 I didn't say she choked on the D, simply saying physically, not accounting for hygiene, you cannot choke on a ******. You could probably suffocate though, seeing as we're taking my comment so seriously lol.

9 0
sunshine41196 12

new on fml!! hw do i reply to a comment made on my comment???? :o n hw do u get notifs on replies?? :/

0 4
sunshine41196 12

new on fml!! hw do i reply to a comment made on my comment???? :o

0 6
Evilphatpandah 5

Are you new to the English language as well? Your spelling hurts my head.

5 2
CharresBarkrey 15

84 - You literally just did what you're asking how to do.

2 0
amarie2009 22

I have heard that sweet food can improve of the taste, like chocolate.

1 2
NoFlippinWai 24

Not so much. Well not chocolate. Think less manufactured and more natural. Think berries, nuts and fruit and less flesh (red meat especially).

9 2