Intimacy: Today, while sitting on the couch, my boyfriend came over, pulled...

By Anonymous - 15/02/2011 19:28 - United States

Today, while sitting on the couch, my boyfriend came over, pulled his penis out of his fly, and started stabbing me in the face with it while humming the Jaws theme. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 224

You deserved it 14 279

Valentine's Day: Love and Maladresse
Discover romantic anecdotes with a touch of awkwardness - because nothing expresses love better than a little discomfort! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Wrong sort of poking

By Anonymous - 22/09/2013 05:40 - United States - Brandon

Today, my boyfriend got out of the shower and tried to hit my forehead with his penis. He slipped and slapped me in the eye with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 201

You deserved it 9 743

How romantic!

By dislocated - 14/02/2018 20:30

Today, my boyfriend dislocated my jaw by sitting on my face while trying to fart on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 716

You deserved it 871

By omgwhyme - 08/01/2012 14:36 - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me for a blow job. After I said "no" over ten times, he decided to get up and slap me across the face with his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 429

You deserved it 49 349

A for effort

By NotsexyEnough - 23/11/2009 03:06 - United States

Today, my boyfriend tried to be sexy and take off my clothes with his teeth. He ended up biting my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 510

You deserved it 6 490

Holes

By Anonymous - 26/12/2011 00:07 - United Kingdom

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend trying to put his penis in a hole in our bedroom wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 956

You deserved it 5 422

Come again

By Anonymous - 09/07/2009 07:35

Today, I gave my boyfriend a spontaneous blowjob while we were watching TV. After he finished, I tried to pull a sexy move I'd seen in a porno by zipping his pants back up with my teeth. His foreskin got caught in the zipper and we spent the next few hours in the emergency room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 995

You deserved it 62 532

WTF dude?

By lunarstrain - 08/11/2011 06:11 - United Kingdom

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend trying to have sex with a piece of fruit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 144

You deserved it 8 544

By nemo518 - 23/12/2010 06:36 - Canada

Today, I was naked on top of my boyfriend looking lovingly into his eyes. He then started to use my boobs as punching bags while singing "Eye of the Tiger". FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 153

You deserved it 9 451

Right place, wrong time

By Anonymous - 22/01/2009 16:09 - United States

Today, I was sitting on the couch, computer next to me, lotion on the floor, and my dick in my hand when my roommate walked in on me. Scared and looking me right in the face he says, "What's for dinner?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 213

You deserved it 29 853

Pussy power

By Anonymous - 15/08/2012 17:15 - United States - Noblesville

Today, I was giving my boyfriend head on the living room couch. Apparently his two cats didn't approve, and they started attacking my face. Luckily for him, since my boyfriend was holding my head down, his privates didn't get a scratch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 767

You deserved it 5 592

mikeydakid59 0

Wednesday 16 February 2011 0:04

FEED THE SHARK!

gregoriit 4

Wednesday 16 February 2011 0:06

i would say you life sucks, but no sucking seems to be going on, so am not sure what to press. =(

Comments

HeartOnThorns 0

Wednesday 16 February 2011 3:00

funny lol... but truly pathetic :)

zaguar 0

Wednesday 16 February 2011 3:05

wow WTF?!?!? lmfao

fred21204 2

Wednesday 16 February 2011 3:15

that's not an fml that's funny

toyota4life94 6

Wednesday 16 February 2011 3:19

i think he wants a BJ.

missa838 0

Wednesday 16 February 2011 3:21

Lmfao This kind of behavior from a guy surprises you?

rattusrattus 18

Wednesday 16 February 2011 3:25

Oh how romantic. [/sarcasm]

tarvinwashere 0

Wednesday 16 February 2011 3:38

WTF??? Who does that????? maybe you need a new boyfriend....

I_R_Genius 3

Wednesday 16 February 2011 9:47

It's called "spicing up the love life." Ever heard of it? Also, please get a sense of humor.

kain12 0

Wednesday 16 February 2011 11:27

+ 1

Country29 16

Wednesday 16 February 2011 3:51

....thats pretty friggin weird.. no offense but why are you dating him?

Meyoko 0

Wednesday 16 February 2011 3:54

That's funny!

idklol97 0

Wednesday 16 February 2011 3:55

you made my night... wow haha

Keywords

Awkward Embarrassing Love Vegan Alcohol Health Singing Work Annoying Sports Miscellaneous Accident Healthy Lifestyle Intimacy Sex Kids Gifts Money Addiction Coworkers Sexism Racism Bodyshaming Parenting Poopoo peepee Cute Weddings Erratas Neighbours Ironic

The Top

Today, I was babysitting this 12 year old. We were watching a movie, and he was being an angel just laying with his head in my lap. He fell asleep so I closed my eyes and had a little nap. When I woke up he had taken my shirt off and was feeling up my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 565

You deserved it 15 087

Today, after months of trying to potty train my son, he finally told me he used the potty. I went to the bathroom to check. There was nothing there. So I asked him, "Where did you go to the potty?" He then grabbed my hand and took me to the cat's litter box. My son has successfully litter trained himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 267

You deserved it 4 076

The Top

Today, I got a new kitten. He's orange, and definitely fits the stereotypes. I've already had to stop him from killing himself or otherwise getting into dangerous areas four times. I can't leave him alone for more than five seconds. Please tell me this is not a sign of the times to come. FML

I agree, your life sucks 216

You deserved it 304

Today, I walked out to my car to see four kids taking the hubcaps, radio, and license plates off of my truck. I chased them six blocks until I tripped and twisted my ankle. I limped back to my car and found a ticket on my windshield for $55 dollars. The reason? Missing license plates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 638

You deserved it 3 173

Today, I dumped my boyfriend because I found his OKCupid account. He claimed that he only has it so he can do the quizzes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 935

You deserved it 126

Today, I finally gave the guy I was with for over a year a blowjob. Right after he tells me "I don't want a girlfriend but I want you to be my best friend." FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 928

You deserved it 10 022

Today, my boyfriend's grandma took me to his house to hang out. I then heard her in the kitchen telling his mom how hard she tried to leave me at the nearest gas station. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 651

You deserved it 4 452

Today, I was running late for work. I was trying to find my car keys, then realized I'd left them in my boyfriend's car. My phone charger was locked in my car, and my phone was dead. I couldn’t get hold of my boss and explain what had happened. I’m fired, aren’t I? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 354

You deserved it 595

Same thing different taste

Top comments

Comments