Miscellaneous: Today, while spooning my spouse, I was awakened in the wee hours...

By steve-o - 14/02/2019 15:46 - United States

Today, while spooning my spouse, I was awakened in the wee hours by a huge, junk-rattling fart. This has happened numerous times since she became a vegetarian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 914

You deserved it 4 195

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By gassygirlfriend - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Nampa

Today, I was spooning with my girlfriend. She fell asleep and spent the next 15 minutes farting on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 370

You deserved it 5 274

Ouch!

By P0wned - 29/09/2009 21:21 - France

Today, in the middle of the night, I was punched in the face by my frightened girlfriend, who had just been awoken by her own fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 981

You deserved it 5 274

By pikachu - 20/01/2009 20:00 - United States

Today, my girlfriend farted in her sleep, woke me up because it was so damn loud, and my room smelt like rotten noodles for about an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 579

You deserved it 4 538

The language of love

By disgusted - 24/09/2012 19:16 - United Kingdom - Harpenden

Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 928

You deserved it 6 524

By Big Baby - 28/01/2017 00:00

Today, I was awoken by my wife patting my head and talking in her sleep, asking, "Who is this? Who am I touching?" She then rolled over and farted on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 455

You deserved it 809

By Wowsers. - 30/01/2010 08:47 - United Kingdom

Today, I was woken up by my own fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 807

You deserved it 36 005

By SkinsCastSelection - 17/01/2011 09:53 - France

Today, in the middle of the night, my girlfriend whispered "Are you asleep?" I chose not to respond, to see what she'd do. She then let rip a loud, stinking fart, giggled, and went back to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 111

You deserved it 41 509

By byebyeromance - 26/08/2014 01:03 - United States - State College

Today, I was cuddling my boyfriend before going to bed. He farted really loud and spat in my face as he laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 314

You deserved it 5 072

Threat Neutralized

By Anonymous - 23/07/2018 18:36 - United States - Fort Worth

Today, I farted so loudly in my sleep that it woke myself, my husband, and our cat. The cat let me know he was startled by clawing and biting the perceived threat, my bum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 315

You deserved it 730

By fartz - 31/08/2013 06:04 - United States

Today, while I was sleeping, apparently I rolled over towards my fiancé and told him "We gotta save the turtles!" and had a five seconds long fart. Now he won't stop making fun of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 520

You deserved it 8 107

Niicky_fml 20

Wednesday 2 November 2011 12:08

The way this is worded is fantastic.

kaprookie 3

Wednesday 2 November 2011 12:08

Put some meat in her ;)

Comments

bloopaloop 27

Thursday 14 February 2019 21:43

Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

Paul B. Gyurcsanszky 14

Friday 15 February 2019 4:17

Get her a cheeseburger. She’ll thank you for it!

Miss_Kat 7

Sunday 17 February 2019 17:31

Oh no! God forbid a woman have a functioning digestive system!

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The Top

Today, at work at an OB office, I heard a ruckus in the hallway before a very large woman burst into my room and tried to attack my very pregnant patient. Crazy lady is the wife of the pregnant lady’s baby daddy, who is nowhere to be found. I don’t get paid enough for this shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 497

You deserved it 63

USA, USA, USA, and more precisely Philadelphia. That's where we're landing today. When I first discovered Justin, on 9gag or an awesome website like that, I knew exactly this little guy was perfect to fit in the FML illustrated section. His crazy, c...

I agree, your life sucks 8

You deserved it 8

The Top

Today, I was running with my sister's dog. It had the brilliant idea of shooting between my legs and I immediately faceplanted on the cement. I now have a swollen nose and cuts all over my body. I'm a grown man who does martial arts and I got beat up by a dog the size of a baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 924

You deserved it 6 760

Today, my considerate-to-a-fault boyfriend decided to break up with me because he felt that he made me unhappy. I spent the next 3 hours convincing him that I'm happy with him and just going through a rough patch of depression. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 783

You deserved it 401

Today, I called a company for a problem with our septic tank. Two workers show up, I take them into the garden to show them the manhole cover at the top of it. They open it up. We then gaze upon a sea of condoms floating on the surface. My wife and I don't use condoms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 205

You deserved it 4 487

Today, I heard two of my students having a conversation. One asked what state Arizona was in, and the other replied Canada. I teach sixth grade social studies and they weren't joking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 861

You deserved it 8 383

Today, I'm sitting in the ER with my 6 ovarian cyst rupture. The pain meds have already worn off and my vag hurts. I also had my gallbladder removed last June, and my right ovary removed last January. The staff here remember me. Most expensive friends I've ever had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 770

You deserved it 136

Today, I watched as the teenage neighbor girl tried to parallel-park between me and my wife's cars. She was doing pretty well until she backed into mine, got scared, hit the accelerator and ran into my wife's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 944

You deserved it 3 393