Miscellaneous: Today, I woke up after a night of partying and heavy drinking....

By Anonymous - 03/06/2012 17:43 - Spain - Tordesillas

Today, I woke up after a night of partying and heavy drinking. Apparently word travels quickly, because everyone now knows that I spent hours lying in an empty bathtub, rubbing shampoo over my body with the expectation that it'd increase my penis size. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 024

You deserved it 34 869

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By shittyemployee - 28/07/2018 19:00

Today, I rushed to work after a night of drinking and partying, and put my hair up on my way in. People started worriedly asking what happened to my head, so I looked in the mirror. I had scratches and a welt on my forehead from hitting the wall during sex last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 846

You deserved it 3 168

Partaaaaay!

By Anonymous - 18/07/2013 18:16 - Canada - Kelowna

Today, I woke up after passing out at a very small house party. I'd set a three drink limit, but apparently nobody listened, because there were beer cans everywhere, half my stuff was on the floor, and someone had shat in my bathtub. I had to clean all of it up alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 128

You deserved it 46 983

By mushroomtop - 23/09/2017 23:15

Today, I woke up extremely hung over on a friend's couch after a night of heavy drinking and partying. To my horror, I discovered that, in my drunken state, I'd allowed said friend's six-year-old daughter to trim my hair. I now have a bowl cut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 913

You deserved it 3 524

By :( - 27/01/2014 22:31 - Algeria

Today, I woke up after a night out partying only to find I'd wet the bed. I was so ashamed that I rolled my girlfriend into it to avoid taking the blame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 269

You deserved it 62 388

By hedayk - 15/05/2015 20:26 - United States - Bronx

Today, I woke up so hungover that when I went to the bathroom and caught sight of myself in the mirror, I screamed, slipped backwards, and smashed my head against the rim of my bathtub. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 272

You deserved it 12 023

By Anonymous - 28/08/2019 00:01 - Australia - Darwin

Today, I woke up in the shower at my coworker's house, with my clothes on and soaking wet. Apparently, the night before I drank too much and punched my best friend. The sad part is, I passed out on the couch, but somehow ended up in the shower, facing the wrong way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 569

You deserved it 1 892

By CK95 - 01/01/2015 23:02 - United States

Today, I woke up after a night of New Year's Eve partying. I remember the night going great. What I don't remember is laying naked in the shower while my girlfriend ran water over my body to make me feel better. I also made my own funeral plans because I was convinced I was going to die. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 840

You deserved it 8 052

By nosey - 08/04/2013 19:20 - United Kingdom - Mountain Ash

Today, I woke up with my face covered in blood. Turns out that yesterday at my colleague's birthday party, I got so drunk that I started yelling "Nappy time!" before falling out of my hammock and face-first onto the concrete ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 667

You deserved it 40 132

Party hard

By Jason the flasher - 15/09/2018 22:00

Today, I went to a party that my friends were throwing. I had a great time and got blackout drunk. I woke up to videos from my girlfriend from last night. At some point I'd managed to take off my shorts and boxers and spent the rest of the party naked from the waist down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 399

You deserved it 3 262

By snow - 17/11/2017 01:30

Today, I woke up with a massive hangover after passing out at a wild party the night before. Apparently my friends couldn't find a marker, because I woke up with dozens of dicks drawn on my body and face in henna. I have a job interview today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 835

You deserved it 3 966

mpsteve137 15

Monday 4 June 2012 0:38

Wtf, you're supposed to use conditioner to do that. Duh

unknown_user5566 26

Monday 4 June 2012 4:17

Oh, we've totally all been there. Took me a while of frustrating failed drunken attempts before I realized I didn't have a penis.

Comments

mpsteve137 15

Monday 4 June 2012 0:38

Wtf, you're supposed to use conditioner to do that. Duh

Damn_Hippster 11

Monday 4 June 2012 0:50

Wait your telling me that DOESN'T increase my penis size??! All the those lonely nights rubbing shampoo on myself for nothing!!

Dr0reos 8

Monday 4 June 2012 1:10

Really because ive had good results with head and shoulders shampoo

Trisha_aus 15

Monday 4 June 2012 2:45

Hangover 3

JocelynKaulitz 28

Monday 4 June 2012 3:26

You're supposed to use the shampoo that helps prevent dryness and add more volume…

xalba 9

Monday 4 June 2012 3:33

Hahaha that funny

The_CL0GGER 0

Monday 4 June 2012 3:49

umm... There are about 7 things that points to YDI in this FML.

Inheritance 10

Monday 4 June 2012 4:16

Question is OP did it work?

EvilPotato 14

Monday 4 June 2012 5:31

35 oh ya tell me about it, nothings worst than dry pubic hair. Gotta keep it moist.

yuggi1 11

Monday 4 June 2012 8:26

You people are so off! The only shampoo that works for that is the one with the stallion logo. Never heard of the reference; hung like a horse? Yup.

yellowpuppies 5

Monday 4 June 2012 15:32

Dude I thought it was soap

SuperKnuckels 6

Tuesday 5 June 2012 2:02

naw none of those products will work. But.. Smuckers will... unless thats too fancy for you.

GaleHawthorne 0

Tuesday 5 June 2012 5:56

Ron Jeremy was wrong? ;(

bete_noire_fml 7

Monday 4 June 2012 0:39

Yep, think we've all been there.

Dr0reos 8

Monday 4 June 2012 1:16

Yeah I once got really coked up on bath salts and bit off a hobos face by the side of the road.

NoYDI 4

Monday 4 June 2012 1:41

Sorry for party rockin'!

unknown_user5566 26

Monday 4 June 2012 4:17

Oh, we've totally all been there. Took me a while of frustrating failed drunken attempts before I realized I didn't have a penis.

kittenvks 11

Monday 4 June 2012 4:59

51- it's just so unfair!!

MrBrightside21 20

Monday 4 June 2012 22:12

I'm a guy, but most of the time, I can't even find my penis.

DrewFluIngle 10

Sunday 16 September 2012 2:28

Well that's a bad day or your penis has become retractable xD

Give_Linux_A_Go 28

Monday 4 June 2012 0:40

Someone told me that works. It doesn't, it's a sham and quite frankly it's ridickulous.

slayer447 17

Monday 4 June 2012 4:07

Your joke was bad and you should feel bad.

retyi43 14

Monday 4 June 2012 7:01

I found "ridickulous" quite amusing.

himynameischeese 6

Monday 4 June 2012 7:52

Lighten up! Let the man dream!

Achall91 17

Monday 4 June 2012 9:44

I didn't even realize the pun I just thought the guy was an idiot because he spelt ridiculous wrong.

Give_Linux_A_Go 28

Monday 4 June 2012 15:32

Yeesh, didn't see the -21 score coming. I almost certainly do feel bad. Apologies.

hblank 4

Monday 4 June 2012 0:41

Yea, trust Linux. He knows.

sidewaysponytail 0

Monday 4 June 2012 0:42

Well that sucks, but you did deserve it. But I'd hate to see how boring you are when you aren't stoned...honestly normal drunk stuff

Llamacod 11

Monday 4 June 2012 3:34

dude you gotta lay off of the reefer, it says nothing about being stoned just drinking. I think you gotta quit reliving your own personal experiences of getting stoned and shampooing your dick to make it bigger

sidewaysponytail 0

Monday 4 June 2012 4:06

I kid he's probably a very nice interesting funny attractive person. Calllllmmmmmm doooowwwwwnnnnnnn:)

AsianCookie247 14

Monday 4 June 2012 11:44

40 - Mr ponytail's first comment was probably made while coming down from a high or withdrawals from lack of, and their second comment was most likely made once they took a couple hits from the bong. It's like a Before and After, they even included a smiley face to show how happy they are!

kirstyannemiller 4

Monday 4 June 2012 0:43

Did it work? I mean all good things come at a price, right?

TheEpicMilkMan 13

Monday 4 June 2012 10:51

I'm pretty sure it didn't if he posted about it on fml...

11mandy80 6

Monday 4 June 2012 0:44

I thought u were supposed to use soap

SkoomaKi 27

Monday 4 June 2012 0:46

Size doesn't matter! Although at least your body hairs will be clean and silky smooth.

unknown_user5566 26

Monday 4 June 2012 3:50

Size doesn't matter only if you know how to use what you've got. Maybe poor OP is a bit lackluster in the love makin' department, and size is his only hope of redemption. Not everyone can be natural-born sexperts like you, SkoomaKi.