The Top

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The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

By Pokecousin - 27/12/2016 17:45

Today, I had to explain to my Pokemon-obsessed 6-year-old cousin that Albinos are not "Shiny People". FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 700

You deserved it 546

By Anonymous - 18/10/2015 14:23 - United States - Marshall

Today, I found my daughter's fanfiction account. I need a new pair of eyes, or brain bleach, or both. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 931

You deserved it 5 545

My turn

By Crazy In-Laws - 20/11/2016 22:54 - United States - Danvers

Today, my wife and I both got released from the hospital. She was admitted for the birth of our daughter. I was admitted with a broken arm from when my mother-in-law shoved me out of the way because she wanted to be the first one to hold the baby after my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 637

You deserved it 711

By Anonymous - 23/09/2015 15:48 - United States - Bedminster

Today, I got an angry call from my 7-year-old son's school. It turned out that while doing a "what I want to be when I'm older" assignment, he wrote that he wants to be an internet troll so he can make people mad and make them kill themselves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 418

You deserved it 4 330

By BatBee - 03/08/2016 02:29 - United States - Princeton

Today, my husband and I were talking about how we missed our sexting from when we were dating, so later I took a bath and texted him while he was relaxing in bed. His response ? "I'm tired and hurry up I need to poop." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 364

You deserved it 1 522

Fundies everywhere

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, my religious mother found out I work at Planned Parenthood. Now everytime she sees me, she prays until I leave the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 865

You deserved it 1 927

By badmom - 10/06/2009 18:09 - Canada

Today, I heard my daughter scream at my son through the bathroom door, "Are you jacking off in there or something?" and him scream back at her "Shut up you fucking cunt!" My daughter is 7 and my son is 8. FML

I agree, your life sucks 134 981

You deserved it 80 645

A real ******

By never again - 30/11/2019 01:00 - United States - Bakersfield

Today, I finally had sex with the guy I like, but I had to pee really bad. It got really wet down there, and he thought I squirted. I peed everywhere. I let him believe he made me squirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 382

You deserved it 757

By Anonymous - 29/07/2017 19:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my co-worker offered me sweets, then chocolate and then biscuits. Repeatedly. She knows I'm trying to diet for my wedding. She does this every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 473

You deserved it 454

By ygma - 01/12/2015 16:39 - United States - Mansfield

Today, my extremely religious grandmother disowned me for watching Supernatural. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 443

You deserved it 2 763

Nice.

By crunch time - 01/01/2018 19:30 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, while working out at the gym, I paused to check out a beautiful woman. The guy behind me said "Are you going to do your set or are you going to keep staring at my wife?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 119

You deserved it 6 662

Stop lying

By dinosaurman - 07/10/2009 16:07 - Canada

Today, I found out that my sister, who is 16 years older than me, is actually my biological mother. She and my parents decided it was best that I didn't know who my real mother was, and to be raised by my grandparents as their child. I've always hated my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 192 597

You deserved it 10 016

Heart = Broken

By Anonymous - 27/01/2018 19:00

Today, I got my lady bits waxed for my man with a little heart-shaped landing strip. Later, as he removed my panties, he crinkled his nose and stated, "It looks like Donald Trump." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 354

You deserved it 1 097

Senpai Noticed

By HelenErutherford - 09/07/2018 01:30

Today, my period started. It wouldn't be a big deal if it hadn't happened while I was in my karate class practicing kicks, and if the guy I have a crush on hadn't informed me of it after chuckling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 250

You deserved it 340

By Pissed.Off.Mom. - 06/10/2016 05:14 - United States - Houston

Today, I got a call informing me that my 16-year-old daughter had been arrested for shoplifting jewellery. Trying to look on the bright side, I assumed it was for my birthday that is coming up in a few days. Nope. It was a "Thank you" gift. For her drug dealer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 259

You deserved it 2 556

By Nurse - 31/08/2018 15:00

Today, a pregnant woman asked me to give her a demonstration on how to push when having a baby. I agreed and pushed, but I may have pushed a little too hard because I shat myself. The pregnant woman laughed and said she was hoping that would happen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 885

You deserved it 753

By Anonymous - 04/10/2018 15:30

Today, my 6'8" russian friend picked me up, a 5'0" petite girl. This would be fine if he hadn't been startled by a moth and dropped me down the stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 111

You deserved it 234

By sick of this shit - 12/03/2016 13:33 - United States - West Grove

Today, my dad opened my fridge, let rip a horrible fart into it, then closed it and said "There ya go, a little somethin' for supper." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 950

You deserved it 1 753

By C0olgirl - 03/04/2009 21:43 - United States

Today, my best friend and I came home from Japan. Her boyfriend and I have been having an affair before I left so I decided not to tell him she was coming with me. We just got off the plane and got a bite to eat, he was waiting for me so he could propose, my best friend was standing next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 558

You deserved it 226 153

Hungry

By The gay child - 09/05/2018 19:00

Today, a discussion with my father about what to have for lunch turned into a linguistics lesson, then a bible story, followed by religious anti-gay propaganda, and finally a brief discussion on why my brother would make a terrible military dictator. I still haven't gotten anything for lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 955

You deserved it 453

By NothowIimaginedmyday - 03/10/2015 04:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was shaving his beard in the bathroom when I left. An hour later, I found him exasperated after having shaved half his body. I had to help him shave every nook and cranny left because he said he was in too deep and couldn't turn back. Yes, his bumhole too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 974

You deserved it 3 685

Y'all need fiber.

By blondie875 - 26/05/2018 14:30 - United States

Today, I had just gotten out of the shower when I thought I had to fart, so I ripped it. instead, I shat all over myself and my floor. I'm 30. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 519

You deserved it 1 383

By NightHawk4926 - 09/09/2015 22:15 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I was at the park when I saw a homeless man. I gave him my sandwich, since he needed it more than me. Seconds later, he was attacked by a flock of birds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 341

You deserved it 1 751

Wake up, human!

By inveralaska - 16/06/2016 21:22 - United Kingdom

Today, I got a kitten. She decided to sleep on my bed, waking me up periodically during the night by biting my face to make sure I was still alive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 045

You deserved it 2 358

By Anonymous - 13/05/2017 02:00

Today, while on vacation, I got fired for not working a shift I wasn't scheduled for. Even after texting my boss a copy of my vacation approval letter, she still fired me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 043

You deserved it 336

By Anonymous - 07/03/2016 19:00 - United States - Arlington

Today, my boyfriend is mad at me for causing him to fail a science test. Apparently he thought I was serious when I told him that homo sapiens were extinct because they were "homo". FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 303

You deserved it 3 957

By Agamar - 23/02/2016 05:00 - United States - Skokie

Today, I was so sleep deprived that while making instant oatmeal, I poured the oats into the garbage and put the empty packet in a bowl, then microwaved it for 2 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 264

You deserved it 2 706

By zzarzzur - 29/12/2015 09:49 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I installed motion sensor lights in my house to save on energy. When I laid down in bed, I saw the lights turn on from downstairs to the kitchen. I live alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 833

You deserved it 1 861

By fme - 27/01/2018 15:00

Today, my cousin came to visit from Texas. It would have been great if he hadn't groped me and whispered, "Incest isn't illegal" when he saw me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 839

You deserved it 360

By (L) - 13/02/2018 09:00 - United States - Athens

Today, I was studying in my university library when I noticed an attractive boy sitting alone four tables ahead of me. I wrote down my phone number, scrunched it into a ball, and threw it at him. He looked up, opened it, scrunched it up, and threw it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 784

You deserved it 3 790

Keywords

Awkward Love My ex AITA Jealousy Friends Poopoo peepee Health Embarrassing Sports Proposal Annoying Snow Cold weather Cheating Work Money Relatable Parenting Kids DIY Accident Parents Medication ADHD Weather Miscellaneous Am I overreacting? Relationship advice Weird

The Top

Today, it's the first day of my two-week stay at my in-laws' house. They forbid drinking, smoking, cursing, and anything even remotely sexual. I smuggled in my quietest toy to keep me sane in this holy house. If only I hadn't forgotten to bring the battery pack too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 966

You deserved it 29 847

Today, my father had a dream that he'd lost me forever, and the pain was so unbearable, it woke him up. Turns out, the pain he was experiencing was just his bowels and he really needed to take a shit. This is the most affection I've ever received from my father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 032

You deserved it 3 461

The Top

Today, I was getting a haircut. During the haircut, the barber cut her hand. She hesitated for a minute then continued to run her hands through and cut my hair with her bloody fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 895

You deserved it 2 156

Today, I tried to point out to a chap in a van waiting at the lights that his tyre was flat, and that the rim had been spitting sparks all the way down the road. I was told in no uncertain terms, “Mind your own bleedin' business!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 565

You deserved it 170

Today, I was coming out of my work and a group of guys yelled, "Oh shoot girl!" and I blew them a kiss jokingly, then as I walked down the street, cars were honking at me, guys whistling. When I got home I noticed the foot long rip down my pencil skirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 002

You deserved it 28 129

Today, at my mother's open-casket funeral, my sister-in-law went to pay her respects. As she stood in front of the body, she coughed, muttering "Bitch" in the process. Either nobody else noticed or nobody cared, and she went on her way, noticeably not choked up at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 399

You deserved it 4 370

Today, I had a presentation for my university class. The bus was 5 minutes late, and I ended up getting to class right on time. As I took a seat, my group was asked to present. I panicked and totally bombed my presentation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 521

You deserved it 546

Today, I realised that despite all my careful Christmas preparation, there is one thing I forgot to get. The gift for my wife, which I should've picked up from the shop I ordered it from. It’s sat in that shop right now at 7pm on Christmas Eve. I’m a dead man tomorrow morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 222

You deserved it 571