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Hey guys, OP here. I'm quite surprised this was published, it happened on Saturday. It's a cleaning job that I am doing, my boss has been nagging me a lot, making me redo things (she is really a perfectionist!!) usually she isn't there when I clean, but she came Saturday to do some things in her clinic and she asked if I wanted a coffee, which I ofcourse said yes to. When she came with the coffee I tasted it quickly and it was quite bitter... So when she went to do something else quick, I kinda ran to the kitchen and got the sugar... At least it was in sugar thingy..., then I poured it in my coffee! And since I'm kinda a shy person I really couldn't tell her. Just had to pokerface through it... (Yes my stomach did hurt alittle after it!)

By cockblockedbyFB - 06/06/2015 13:01 - United States - San Antonio

Today, like every other day, my wife doesn't have time for sex because she's too busy on Facebook. Then she bitched me out because "we never have sex anymore." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 888

You deserved it 3 122

By Sexless from Texas - 24/04/2015 11:38 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I learned that, when you ask your girlfriend "Do you think we're having sex too often?" she might interpret it as, "I don't think we should have sex ever again," and entirely stop talking to you. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 067

You deserved it 13 828

Dracula sucks

By (-,..,-) - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - France

Today, I lost out on a job opportunity because the interviewer said my "fake fangs are unprofessional and frankly disturbing." The "fangs" are my real canines, and they have always looked this way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 788

You deserved it 1 844

By imgay - 23/06/2015 02:20 - Argentina - Buenos Aires

Today, I discovered that most of my family is homophobic while discussing Orange Is The New Black. I've only come out to my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 728

You deserved it 2 937

By Anonymous - 27/04/2015 14:49 - United States - Apopka

Today, the guy I broke up with for not putting any effort into the relationship asked if he could make it up to me by taking me out to lunch. He stood me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 036

You deserved it 7 030

By hamboneghost - 24/02/2015 19:02 - Canada - New Westminster

Today, I greeted my girlfriend with a spinning hug. She got motion sickness and threw up all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 310

You deserved it 8 864

By anonymous - 31/03/2015 16:47 - United States - Denver

Today, I was fired from job as a personal trainer. Why? Because I was working out with a friend while off-duty. Apparently, working out with a friend on a day off means I am training them under the table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 867

You deserved it 2 734

By StargazeKitsune - 31/07/2015 05:36 - United States - Kalispell

Today, as if having an old man shit on the floor of the busy restaurant I work at wasn't bad enough, my manager made a video commentating over the camera footage of me discovering said giant pile of shit, and shared it with the entire staff. This is going to haunt me forever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 300

You deserved it 1 914

StargazeKitsune tells us more.

StargazeKitsune 18

Friday 31 July 2015 22:21

Hey guys! OP here! So the burning question here is whether I had to clean it. I was *supposed* to help, but I gagged everytime I got within 10 feet of it, so I was spared for everyone else's sake. We didn't need two messes to clean...the video itself is a little embarrassing because I had literally NO idea what to do. (Never been trained in shit scenarios, surprisingly....), but everyone has good humor and their own horror stories to accompany it so it's pretty much like I've just become the weirdest celebrity ever. His commentary WAS really hilarious, though I'm not sure if he'll be posting the on Facebook or Youtube. He said he doesn't want one of his friends to see it and go "OH MY GOD THAT'S GRANDPA JIM!" But I have a feeling it'll still live in infamy for a while. Anyways, thanks for all the jokes guys! I've been laughing all day. I'll have to show this to everyone at work so they can get a kick out of it too. ;)

By Anonymous - 06/06/2015 04:20 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I have food poisoning. My boss told me that if I didn't come into work, I'd be fired. Not 30 minutes after sitting down, I sneezed and shat my pants. My boss still won't let me leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 932

You deserved it 2 190

By lordtimbit - 15/03/2015 15:01 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I fell in the shower and knocked myself out. When I came to I turned off the water and called my mom. She seemed more worried about the amount of water I "wasted" than she was about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 711

You deserved it 3 116

By work_while_bent - 02/06/2015 17:21 - United States - San Luis Obispo

Today, I sneezed and ended up in the emergency room. How? Apparently the sneeze dislodged a kidney stone that is now slowly, painfully working its way from my kidney to my bladder so that I can piss it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 021

You deserved it 1 989

work_while_bent tells us more.

work_while_bent 13

Wednesday 3 June 2015 7:18

Yes, my wife made sure to tell me that about a dozen times.

By Mary C. - 23/03/2015 01:58 - United States - Mendota

Today, while my in-laws were visiting, my two-year old accidentally pushed the door wide open while I was sitting on the toilet. My mother-in-law laughed, took out her cell phone, snapped a picture of me and posted it on Facebook for everyone in our family to see. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 555

You deserved it 3 565

By anonymous - 30/07/2015 22:04 - United States - Virginia Beach

Today, I had to sit through an entire conversation where my sister and her boyfriend sent voice messages to one another, of their farts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 690

You deserved it 2 214

It hurts

By postop - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Far Rockaway

Today, I woke up to my mother telling me to sit up and get dressed because we had to go before it was too late. I had just woken up from surgery. She didn't want to be stuck in traffic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 330

You deserved it 2 112

By Anonymous - 19/07/2015 06:49 - United Kingdom - Middlewich

Today, I was talking to my friend, who was telling me he's having suicidal thoughts lately. He then said he'd be back in a few minutes. Nearly an hour passed. I panicked, thinking he'd offed himself. Several minutes after I called the emergency services, he messaged me, saying "K, back." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 442

You deserved it 3 244

By Paws_Cat - 20/05/2015 18:35 - United States - North Dartmouth

Today, my grandmother yelled at me for driving erratically. I was "driving" in a video game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 874

You deserved it 2 879

Paws_Cat tells us more.

Paws_Cat 29

Friday 22 May 2015 4:46

I like how everyone assumes that I was playing Grand Theft Auto. I wasn't. Also, this got published fast! I was expecting it to be a day or something!

By drewcaver - 12/04/2015 19:49 - United States - Houston

Today, a little girl from my Sunday School class approached me and told me she had a stomach ache. She seemed very upset and her face was discolored so I took her to the nurse. While we were walking out the door, I looked down and saw a half-eaten crayon on the floor. That'll do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 673

You deserved it 2 324

By undanya__four - 10/04/2015 20:19 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, my boyfriend told me he's prepared to commit to marriage, but only if I buy my own ring and tell everyone he surprised me with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 186

You deserved it 3 692

By ramherr - 14/07/2015 00:30 - Sweden - Oxie

Today, while walking alone through a sketchy neighbourhood after a party, I learned that I look too broke to even rob and "not worth the bother". Overhead from a guy waiting for me in a bush with a flashlight and his equally charming friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 363

You deserved it 2 359

ramherr tells us more.

ramherr 11

Thursday 16 July 2015 0:02

Hi, OP here! I must say that I'm pleasantly surprised reading all these comments! A whole lot of you got humour too good to be true. Really brightens the day! Firstly no, I'm not complaining over not being mugged and that was not the intention of this FML, I simply think the fact that even muggers see someone as ''not worth the bother'' FML-worthy. But all and all I'd rather be seen as poor than stabbing material, all days of the week! To those of you wondering what I was wearing, it was a black tank top, jeans and a pair of shoes, nothing special.