The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

BTS stan

By Meh - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff - United States - Bothell

Today, I found out that my roommate has a good voice, because he loudly sings Korean love songs at one in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 267

You deserved it 250

By SweetStuff88 - 15/11/2012 13:37 - United States

Today, my girlfriend admitted to me that she has been sleeping with someone on her girls basketball team, which at first turned me on. Then I found out he's the team manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 589

You deserved it 9 711

Lonely, so lonely…

By Anonymous - 09/05/2019 02:00

Today, to get my mind off being single, I texted some friends. The first one was going out tonight to work things out with her ex, the second told me about his amazing new girlfriend, and the third replied an hour later with, "Sorry, I was having sex when you texted me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 274

You deserved it 276

You had one job!

By dgilbs - 12/11/2012 22:08 - United States - Grosse Pointe

Today, my friends and I went out to dinner. Being short on cash, I suggested a game where we put our phones in the center of the table and first to check their phone had to pay the bill. Our conversation died out, and fearful of having an awkward silence, I checked my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 422

You deserved it 55 318

Lonely boi

By 733yoda - 28/06/2019 00:30

Today, the most exciting notification I received was Amazon telling me that my bulk order of toilet paper had been shipped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 476

You deserved it 267

By Thanks Fred - 18/05/2019 00:05

Today, I discovered why there was such a horrible stench in my bedroom. My cat had a secret stash of shit under my dresser. Along with the carcass of a rat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 856

You deserved it 306

Shared towel

By shitface - 06/01/2020 14:00 - United States - Arlington

Today, after I took a shower, I was wiping my face with the towel I share with my sister. It smelled peculiar, so I took my face away and looked at it. Turns out, I was wiping my face on a huge shit stain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 062

You deserved it 1 241

By Ugggggggggg - 06/11/2012 05:11 - United States - Lynnwood

Today, I woke up with a wax strip on my chest and my girlfriend sitting next to me on the bed laughing. She pulled the strip. I screamed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 591

You deserved it 4 863

By oink oink... - 12/10/2013 13:19 - United States - Mason

Today, I am 20 weeks pregnant. My fiancé has decided my new nickname will be "Oink Oink". FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 480

You deserved it 5 022

By RestlessDiesel - 18/04/2016 14:40 - United States - Hudson

Today, I pulled off the road to help a turtle cross it. Before I could get out of my car a dump truck ran over the turtle, splattering my car with turtle guts and bits of shell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 078

You deserved it 1 838

By FMAhole - 12/02/2019 12:18 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, while at the office, a surprise Valentine's gift arrived for me, the first I've ever received. It was a box of heart-shaped cookies. From my mother. I'm 39. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 737

You deserved it 4 140

By Anonymous - 02/09/2012 23:47 - United States

Today, after a visit with my mom, I started feeling sick. I meant to send her a text asking if she had gotten sick lately, but I accidentally sent a text asking if she had gotten dick lately. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 513

You deserved it 5 382

Clumsy ass

By minac11 - 26/01/2020 20:00 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I went to give my boyfriend a hug and accidentally knocked his brand new phone out of his hand. The screen was broken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 817

You deserved it 372

By Anonymous - 09/02/2015 14:53 - United States - Middleton

Today, I was chased out of my own house by my wife's lover's dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 922

You deserved it 3 366

By gotta love my momma - 28/08/2014 05:08 - United States - Folsom

Today, I got married. My booze-hound mother made a toast, and told a story about how she once walked in on us having sex. My husband's family is very religious, and we told them we weren't having sex until marriage. Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 282

You deserved it 11 307

Let me out!

By Anonymous - 21/03/2016 21:26 - United States - Depew

Today, I parked my car in the company lot and walked down the street to a mandatory company training. While I was at the training, everyone back at the office decided to leave early and locked the company lot. My car is now stuck there for the night and I'm walking home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 924

You deserved it 1 530

By Anonymous - 30/01/2015 21:15 - United States - Chicago

Today, I asked my friend to download Frozen for me, because my mom wanted to play it for family movie night. The movie was shit, but it got even worse halfway through, when it cut to hardcore porn and a text bar saying "umad?" Now I'm grounded, and my "friend" is a legend for his prank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 452

You deserved it 6 157

By anon - 18/07/2019 14:00

Today, my wife and I got into an argument. She ran out, yelling. Later, at work, I felt guilty, so I picked up some flowers and a card. When I presented them to her, she looked puzzled. I made the mistake of reminding her about our argument. She is now mad at me, again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 006

You deserved it 307

By Anonymous - 13/11/2010 17:55 - United States

Today, I realized I've been playing too much Call of Duty. I started screaming, "Spawn, bitch! Spawn!" at my microwavable pizza while it was in the microwave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 292

You deserved it 56 119

By incaseudidntkno - 18/09/2011 13:36 - United States

Today, on my way to a concert, some guy told me I had cool sunglasses. I was about to thank him until he punched me in the face. I woke up with no sunglasses and no ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 564

You deserved it 2 851

incaseudidntkno tells us more.

incaseudidntkno 11

Sunday 18 September 2011 21:17

They were Oil Rig Oakleys and my face still hurts. My friend also got punched in the nose haha.

By blueballs - 14/09/2012 00:06 - United States - Santa Clarita

Today, in the middle of what had to be the most amazing blowjob I've ever had in my life, my girlfriend had a mental breakdown and began weeping on top of my cock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 166

You deserved it 8 240

No thanks

By treats - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Singapore

Today, I caught my dad eating the dog treats I'd bought for my dog. The only thing he could say was, "These are really good, no wonder the dog is so obedient. Wanna try one?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 925

You deserved it 3 682

By rider - 24/11/2009 10:58 - Qatar

Today, I decided to surprise my wife at her softball game. I saw her distinctive motorcycle jacket through the canvas dugout wall and decided that I would feel her up from behind, to surprise her. She lent her jacket to a friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 172

You deserved it 11 512

By Lucy - 21/07/2012 07:40 - United States - La Mesa

Today, I finally had sex with the guy I've been in love with for the past two years. Five minutes in, he passed out on top of me from a pain pill overdose and had a mini seizure. He finally woke up and groans, "Those bastards! They confiscated my clothes!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 599

You deserved it 5 442

By Stan017 - 17/08/2017 03:45 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, on my second week in my new job, I opened my desk drawer of snacks. Apparently no one had bothered to tell me that there's an office rat or mouse that the building management refuses to do anything about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 353

You deserved it 501

By ring-a-ding-ding - 06/12/2014 05:18 - United States - Sparks

Today, at work, due to a mix up, I had to call an answering service. I am also from an answering service. We got the problem fixed but I couldn't hang up due to company policy. She couldn't hang up either. We both had to get our supervisors for permission to hang up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 192

You deserved it 3 588

By chumpslolo - 25/07/2013 10:55 - United States - Vandalia

Today, my sister backed out of my wedding because it was becoming too much about me. After I begged her to reconsider, I had no choice but to pick a new bridesmaid. When my new bridesmaid posted on Facebook how excited she was, my sister commented, "See, you made HER feel special." FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 604

You deserved it 3 999

By bob - 03/07/2012 17:33 - United States - Fairborn

Today, I woke up to a nude picture of my girlfriend. Once I looked at it my morning wood went away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 013

You deserved it 9 394

Not now, dude

By Anonymous - 25/10/2014 18:44 - United States - Montgomery

Today, I was hugging my girlfriend after she had a really bad day at work, when she burst into tears and started sobbing. For some reason that I'll never understand, it gave me a hard-on. She felt it, and now she thinks I'm a sick bastard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 201

You deserved it 7 319

Officer McGiggles

By ACAB - 16/09/2019 20:00 - Australia

Today, I got pulled over for speeding. After the cop asked for my license, he started laughing when he saw my picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 504

You deserved it 240

Keywords

Health Family Argument Thanksgiving Politics Frustration Sex Intimacy Miscellaneous Love AITA Awkward First Dates Road rage Transportation Cars Dogs Animals Cute Alcohol Am I overreacting? Relatable Food Holidays Contraception Cheating Suspicious Poopoo peepee Kids Gross

The Top

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try the ice cubes in the vagina thing we'd read about. He kept sticking one in after another and they got stuck. My vagina had a brain freeze for a half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 779

You deserved it 3 943

Today, I was pulled over for speeding. After a few minutes of conversing, he told me he didn't need to give me a ticket. He then asked for a date. I politely declined. After staring at me for a very long moment, he said, "I think I'm going to have to give you that ticket after all." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 750

You deserved it 27 040

The Top

Today, after I'd told this girl I’m seeing that I play piano to impress her, it turns out her father is a pianist and has a grand piano in their house. Tonight, I’m supposed to go to her place to play her my "favorite piece." FML

I agree, your life sucks 186

You deserved it 2 159

Today, changing the garbage in the bathroom at work resulted in a hospital visit after an incorrectly disposed used needle scraped into my thigh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 087

You deserved it 222

Today, I was removing large shrubs from a house. I heard my co-worker yell something, but I couldn't hear him, so I just pulled the stump out anyway. What I realized too late was that he was telling me that there was a swarm of bees living behind the stump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 516

You deserved it 12 019

Today, I went to a job interview. It was my last shot of getting a job before my savings run dry. It all went well until I was asked why I wanted to join the company. I got flustered and stuttered, "Because I um, I like money?" The guy gave me the most insincere "We'll be in touch." ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 665

You deserved it 9 378

Today, while helping my mom to cook, I was reminded that when the fire alarm goes off in our house, dinner is ready. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 233

You deserved it 2 824

Today, my daughter's hamster pulled the water bottle off the glass, so I decided to super-glue the bottle back on. We came back an hour later to see if it had stuck, only to find both the bottle and rodent glued to the glass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 513

You deserved it 28 945